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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 617913"><p>I too have been in your shoes and I am still dealing with my burnout (remember that term?) 21 yo son. The abuse of any drug or substance -- INCLUDING POT -- is no joke. I am so tired of the recent press that glorifies legal marijuana use as though everyone who uses it becomes a peace loving, mellow human being who is no threat to anyone, least of all to themselves. While pro legalization people are happy to compare it to the legalization of alcohol; no one is prepared to talk about the detrimental effects on the abusers and the society which has to deal with the marijuana abusers. Somehow, we can grasp the idea of an alcoholic and the problems associated with alcoholism and society is mightily outraged at alcoholics . As a result, the legal limits (of acceptable alcohol use outside of the home) keep getting lower and lower. No one ever mentions how society or parents are supposed to deal with the detrimental effects of of marijuana.</p><p></p><p>I can tell you 100% that pot use makes my son quick to anger and hard to deal with. My son has dropped out of college twice and has nothing to show for the last 3 years of his life. He was once a young man with great potential, good grades and a heap of self motivation. He has not been any of those things since he started smoking pot regularly.</p><p></p><p>I originally figured that "it was JUST pot" and that he would find a balance like so many other people I know (or knew) who used pot recreationally and without ill effects. That was not to be. </p><p></p><p>You have handed your son the control in the relationship. When I was a new poster here; I think it was Star* who told me that by placating my son and not engaging him on the behavior I found unacceptable, I was giving him all of the control. I thought my kid could be an adult and meet me halfway and that he would recognize and participate in some give and take. It doesn't work that way with difficult children. And when they sense they are losing that control, they get violent or outraged or they take off. They will do anything to avoid having the spotlight of blame shone upon them. </p><p></p><p>YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SET THE STANDARDS FOR LIVING IN YOUR HOME. I DON'T CARE IF MARIJUANA IS LEGAL IN YOUR STATE OR IF YOU AND YOUR H USE & SMOKE IT IN FRONT OF HIM! IT IS YOUR HOME; YOU CALL THE SHOTS. YOU DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS TO ACCOMMODATE HIM. NO WAY! HE NEEDS TO RAISE HIS STANDARDS TO ACCOMMODATE AND RESPECT YOU!!!</p><p></p><p>"Son, this is my home and I still have kids to raise here. I have the right to set a standard of living in my house and enact guidelines on behalf of your younger brothers and sisters. It is unacceptable for you to use or bring marijuana into this house.Furthermore, YOU need to respect my home and my belongings. If you cannot agree to live by these standards, you need to leave. The choice is yours."</p><p></p><p>I know how you feel, my heart aches for you. But it's time to take control of your house. You need to draw a line in the sand. Please keep posting, we are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 617913"] I too have been in your shoes and I am still dealing with my burnout (remember that term?) 21 yo son. The abuse of any drug or substance -- INCLUDING POT -- is no joke. I am so tired of the recent press that glorifies legal marijuana use as though everyone who uses it becomes a peace loving, mellow human being who is no threat to anyone, least of all to themselves. While pro legalization people are happy to compare it to the legalization of alcohol; no one is prepared to talk about the detrimental effects on the abusers and the society which has to deal with the marijuana abusers. Somehow, we can grasp the idea of an alcoholic and the problems associated with alcoholism and society is mightily outraged at alcoholics . As a result, the legal limits (of acceptable alcohol use outside of the home) keep getting lower and lower. No one ever mentions how society or parents are supposed to deal with the detrimental effects of of marijuana. I can tell you 100% that pot use makes my son quick to anger and hard to deal with. My son has dropped out of college twice and has nothing to show for the last 3 years of his life. He was once a young man with great potential, good grades and a heap of self motivation. He has not been any of those things since he started smoking pot regularly. I originally figured that "it was JUST pot" and that he would find a balance like so many other people I know (or knew) who used pot recreationally and without ill effects. That was not to be. You have handed your son the control in the relationship. When I was a new poster here; I think it was Star* who told me that by placating my son and not engaging him on the behavior I found unacceptable, I was giving him all of the control. I thought my kid could be an adult and meet me halfway and that he would recognize and participate in some give and take. It doesn't work that way with difficult children. And when they sense they are losing that control, they get violent or outraged or they take off. They will do anything to avoid having the spotlight of blame shone upon them. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SET THE STANDARDS FOR LIVING IN YOUR HOME. I DON'T CARE IF MARIJUANA IS LEGAL IN YOUR STATE OR IF YOU AND YOUR H USE & SMOKE IT IN FRONT OF HIM! IT IS YOUR HOME; YOU CALL THE SHOTS. YOU DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS TO ACCOMMODATE HIM. NO WAY! HE NEEDS TO RAISE HIS STANDARDS TO ACCOMMODATE AND RESPECT YOU!!! "Son, this is my home and I still have kids to raise here. I have the right to set a standard of living in my house and enact guidelines on behalf of your younger brothers and sisters. It is unacceptable for you to use or bring marijuana into this house.Furthermore, YOU need to respect my home and my belongings. If you cannot agree to live by these standards, you need to leave. The choice is yours." I know how you feel, my heart aches for you. But it's time to take control of your house. You need to draw a line in the sand. Please keep posting, we are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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