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General Parenting
Helping an unsettled difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 172852" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Adrianne, I think you're doing pretty well, too! You will find what works with you and difficult child- of course, if it's like our house, soon after you find it, it will change again, LOL!</p><p></p><p>Anyway, we have tried "let's take a breather" which means let's just go to different rooms for a short while and take a break from each other (It isn't a time-out like a punishment), difficult child can take a short bike ride sometimes, play a video game, sit and pout in his room, lift weights (he got a beginner set for 13th b-day), listen to some music, pretty much anything that is not breaking a rule. Sometimes, I think iot comes from boredom or just coming home after having a bad day. i try to pick up on those signs earlier than I used to. After I realized how sensitive my difficult child's "sensitive stage" really is, I try (although not always successfully) to not use the phrase "What is wrong with you". I know how we mean it, but I try really hard to rephrase it in a way that helps point out to him specifically what I am noticing, hoping that will help him become more aware of what he is actually doing when he feels agitated or stressed or anxious.</p><p></p><p>Example- why in the world are you so talkative (or fidgety, or edgy, or look so sad, or hurt, etc.) Then, can we talk about it? If I get a blunt "NO" or "I don't want to", then it is just, ok, well I just want you to remeber that I am here if you need me and decide that you want to talk- just let me know- I will listen.</p><p></p><p>Of course, all these things are very easy for me to say right now because difficult child has been in juvy and not at home with us experiencing this first hand in about 3 1/2 weeks!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 172852, member: 3699"] Adrianne, I think you're doing pretty well, too! You will find what works with you and difficult child- of course, if it's like our house, soon after you find it, it will change again, LOL! Anyway, we have tried "let's take a breather" which means let's just go to different rooms for a short while and take a break from each other (It isn't a time-out like a punishment), difficult child can take a short bike ride sometimes, play a video game, sit and pout in his room, lift weights (he got a beginner set for 13th b-day), listen to some music, pretty much anything that is not breaking a rule. Sometimes, I think iot comes from boredom or just coming home after having a bad day. i try to pick up on those signs earlier than I used to. After I realized how sensitive my difficult child's "sensitive stage" really is, I try (although not always successfully) to not use the phrase "What is wrong with you". I know how we mean it, but I try really hard to rephrase it in a way that helps point out to him specifically what I am noticing, hoping that will help him become more aware of what he is actually doing when he feels agitated or stressed or anxious. Example- why in the world are you so talkative (or fidgety, or edgy, or look so sad, or hurt, etc.) Then, can we talk about it? If I get a blunt "NO" or "I don't want to", then it is just, ok, well I just want you to remeber that I am here if you need me and decide that you want to talk- just let me know- I will listen. Of course, all these things are very easy for me to say right now because difficult child has been in juvy and not at home with us experiencing this first hand in about 3 1/2 weeks! [/QUOTE]
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