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Helping an unsettled difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 172885" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Thank you! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>I need to clarify that the "What is wrong with you!" statement was not a judgemental but more of a medical "What is going on with you!" (which is probably what I should have said instead.) That is why it was followed with a, "This is not like you." This is the first time I have ever used this and I made sure that difficult child knew I was referring to the behavior, not him. If he really felt it was judgemental, this would have taken a different route. (please do not try this at home - I think I was very lucky it didn't backfire on me - SLSH and KLMNO are right, I should have rephrased it.). This time was so different than when I normally try to deal with something. It felt like the right thing to say to reach him and take the conversation to where it needed to be. I won't take that chance again.</p><p> </p><p>I know I was taking chances in dealing with this the way I did. However, I felt that he was in a place that this would work (probably for this time only). I wanted him to think about if the reason really did justify the running away. That whatever was going on did not mean he needed to run away.</p><p>I usually take the problem solving strategy SLSH recommended and have actually touched on it a bit when there is "talk" of running away but for some reason felt yesterday was different - everything felt strange and different - I wonder what is brewing?</p><p> </p><p>KLMNO - thank you for more ideas. I love the sit and pout in your room - I am learning that I have to allow my kids to own their feelings - I try too often to rescue them when they don't feel happy thus they never learn on their own to deal with or own their feelings - I am learning not to do that. I know that boredom does trigger my difficult child's anxieties but yesterday started on the way to take babysitter home and he is never ever bored with the babysitter around. The babysitter keeps him active. Maybe overly tired also triggers (he can still be tired from late nights this past weekend).</p><p> </p><p>difficult child was struggling with the issue of lying yesterday, how everyone lies but why it is not acceptable when he lies. He decided to talk to our Sr Pastor who helped him with some intense feelings/fears while at psychiatric hospital and 2 - 3 times during this past year. He has questions that he looks toward this pastor to help explain. So, today, I set up another meeting. These meetings are usually only 15 - 20 minutes. I don't know if that is what they discussed or if difficult child brought up another issue but when I asked if he said Thank you, he replied, "No, but I did say I appreciate it." He was calmer, more at peace, almost "settled".</p><p> </p><p>He felt weird (head smooshy) three times today. Something is going on??? What is brewing?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 172885, member: 5096"] Thank you! :) I need to clarify that the "What is wrong with you!" statement was not a judgemental but more of a medical "What is going on with you!" (which is probably what I should have said instead.) That is why it was followed with a, "This is not like you." This is the first time I have ever used this and I made sure that difficult child knew I was referring to the behavior, not him. If he really felt it was judgemental, this would have taken a different route. (please do not try this at home - I think I was very lucky it didn't backfire on me - SLSH and KLMNO are right, I should have rephrased it.). This time was so different than when I normally try to deal with something. It felt like the right thing to say to reach him and take the conversation to where it needed to be. I won't take that chance again. I know I was taking chances in dealing with this the way I did. However, I felt that he was in a place that this would work (probably for this time only). I wanted him to think about if the reason really did justify the running away. That whatever was going on did not mean he needed to run away. I usually take the problem solving strategy SLSH recommended and have actually touched on it a bit when there is "talk" of running away but for some reason felt yesterday was different - everything felt strange and different - I wonder what is brewing? KLMNO - thank you for more ideas. I love the sit and pout in your room - I am learning that I have to allow my kids to own their feelings - I try too often to rescue them when they don't feel happy thus they never learn on their own to deal with or own their feelings - I am learning not to do that. I know that boredom does trigger my difficult child's anxieties but yesterday started on the way to take babysitter home and he is never ever bored with the babysitter around. The babysitter keeps him active. Maybe overly tired also triggers (he can still be tired from late nights this past weekend). difficult child was struggling with the issue of lying yesterday, how everyone lies but why it is not acceptable when he lies. He decided to talk to our Sr Pastor who helped him with some intense feelings/fears while at psychiatric hospital and 2 - 3 times during this past year. He has questions that he looks toward this pastor to help explain. So, today, I set up another meeting. These meetings are usually only 15 - 20 minutes. I don't know if that is what they discussed or if difficult child brought up another issue but when I asked if he said Thank you, he replied, "No, but I did say I appreciate it." He was calmer, more at peace, almost "settled". He felt weird (head smooshy) three times today. Something is going on??? What is brewing? [/QUOTE]
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