here come ball the other issues

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    wow we were on slight pause just being sick in hospital and right away she's back in reality somewhat here and boom her other issues come to the surface.

    right away wrenching hands with all the other ppl around in the kitchen area anxiety starts to peek.

    than i offered her snack she technically didnt' have to have it. she had already eaten dinner yet she wanted one. she sat at the table and said she felt ppl staring at her and she couldnt' eat. all she said was get me to the room please now.

    nothing i could say would help. so off we went back into seclusion.

    knew i'd see it yet didnt' know sooo soon. just wait till tmrw when she's in the day clinic surrounded by other kids and ppl. wow she's going to freak out
  2. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    One day at a The day clinic should be able to help on this one. She's probably not the only kid to ever has these problems. Is there any way you could get a really good psychiatric consult for her there? It is important to distinguish anxiety kind of taking away her appetite and return of food phobia. If she is eating in private, still seems like progress to me! That said, you will probably have a tough few weeks ahead of you. Important to set the rules of engagement so to speak early on. We are continually being reminded about how our son is likely to regress and resort back to all his old manipulative behaviors even though he has new coping skills. Mom and Dad have to change too.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    great point and yea it wasnt' a food thing it was a i'm a difficult child thing. actually no they've never dealt with-a kid with all her diagnosis before and they openly admitted it. which i respect. that's why they were like umm we'll curtail the day treatment which is for aneroxic and bullimic kids to fit difficult child because she's a wreck.

    i get i have to change how i handle her. yet when a child is in full shut down mode and i sat another 20 min gave her zero attention for it. no point. no attention gained from it. she lost even if it was manipulating behaviors. yet you could see the anxiety rise in her in that kitchen. this is who she is. the kid who cant' walk in the front door of school even when you try to force her. the kid who melts down in the classroom. that's all unless she's manic when that happens she could run the school. unfortunately that never happens in daytime school hours lol. it did once and the teacher was shocked and said who was that kid? :)
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I have to wonder, would a kid's class on proper/formal table manners help her? Then at least she could tell herself if people are looking at her she's providing a good example and they can't fault her manners/methods (the whole chew every piece so many times, make sure each piece is only bite size, etc etc etc). It would also give her a little practice eating around other kids in a controlled setting with a time limit, and if anyone tries to be nasty to her they'll be called out on it right there.

    Come to that, it might help the other food issue kids there, too, and since they're not total strangers to her, it might go over easier. If they don't have something like that, maybe you could suggest it.
  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Ithink you are in a situation somewhat like what we found ourselves in with oldest anxious son who had major school refusual. Principal and counselor tried to implement a plan whereby they would deprive him of everything if he didn't do his work. Well after a day or so he was so depressed and overwhelmed he was talking about there being no reason for living. We threw out that plan. Building positive relationships with staff, problem solving about what makes her anxious etc probably will get your farther than total line in the sand kind of warfare. That said there may be a few non negotiables--eating, sleep for mom whatever. It is a fine balance. Your daughter is ill and she is not doing all these things totally volitionally. That said she will keep on being dependent unless you force her to take baby steps forward. Easy to say, hard to do. Hang in there.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    it's good advice and its' good insight. yet to be honest all the great things you've listed we have done in the past with ppl, other providers, teachers, schools, etc. problem solving, etc. difficult child is so off the mark we returned to the room after a day of being discharged conditionally she knows, out to eat, here, etc. to her saying she wanted to die there is no reason for living i am garbage, etc. why does she do this? i am not totally sure. piece of it is attention seeking, than she followed by saying do you know why.... i said well if i were you unless you really truly would rather not exist anymore id' stop making those types of statements those are serious words your uttering and ppl will listen. than i said soo whats going on now? she said well i got scared i almost choked etc. i said see its great your going to day treatment tmrw because you can tell them all bout it that's why we traveled so far to be with these great ppl who know exactly how to help you.

    uughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its just going to be hard line to tow these next few weeks. in lockdown in room with-no tv at 9 that's early for me, no smoking, her in my face, changing her behavioral stuff trying and hoping she keeps eating. ok im done complaining for tonight. :)

    thanks for letting me vent
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Wow Jena - Everything seems to be going so fast! Has difficult child seen the day treatment yet? Met with the instructors alone, given a tour? I think she gets very overwhelmed and easily distracted with other people around. Maybe a private tour and meet with the instructors/staff ahead of time might help? Can she go there today and watch the classroom from a distance?

    She has been isolated from people for so long. Find ways of reintroducing her to the public. Let her know that it is common for people who are sick to think everyone is watching. Has the weather cleared for walks? Find a quiet park where there are only a few people - visit a library - a quiet store - places where she can see people going about their business. Suggest that if she does see someone looking at her that she can smile and nod to say "Hi" and that is probably enough to get that person to continue on.

    difficult child did not loose the battle - her goal was to get away from people and she would rather go a short time without your attention than sit in a room where she thinks people are looking at her. That shut down defense is powerful!

    Time to inventory her diagnosis and decide what aspect to work on next. I would say her fear of being with people would be high on that list since it seems the strongest (though that is only from your posts).
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I know they have group therapy but is it possible to call in a personal psychiatrist? My insurance paid for a consulting child/teen psychiatrist who came to the hospital to meet one on one with easy child/difficult child. In fact (yes, I know the issues are entirely different) the psychiatrist was able to prescribe medicine for him that worked in a nearly miraculous way. The head of the hospital (once again I know the hospitals are based on different needs) came into the room after a couple of days on the new medication and told me that it was awesome that he had been stabilized by psychiatrists influence because "our focus is strictly rehab and we don't have an expert available to address different issues". Would that help? DDD
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    One more thought....sorry. Is there a stabilized patient who could become a more personal friend so she would be able to sit next to someone she "knows"? Due to her youth perhaps having a slightly older pal might ease her anxiety. DDD
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I am guessing that a large part of this issue, especially given that she closed up in the kitchen with folks watching, is her social anxiety. What plans are in place for her continued therapy? Statistically, like 70% of folks with eating disorders have social anxiety - and those eating disorders can be like your daughters' or anorexia and bulimia. Treating the anxiety is the most important piece, which I'm sure they addressed. I'm with DDD, one on one therapy sounds like it would be very beneficial at this point since she's moving forward with meals.

    I don't recall, has this hospital addressed the medications issue?

  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I agree with DDD and LDM, and make sure she's getting her anti-anxiety medications at the right dose too. Now is a critical time and those medications will most likely be a deciding factor in whether she backslides or not.
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    My dad, who was agoraphobic, behaved similarly at family gatherings. He purposely avoided eating while everyone else was eating and would always linger before getting in the buffet line during holidays, usually coming to the table to eat after everyone else had finished. In hindsight, I think he was avoiding having to eat in front of people. He had no problem going to restaurants with my mom, as long as they were quiet and he had access to an "escape" route.

    I agree with the others about making sure her anxiety is addressed first and foremost -- from what I've read in your posts so far, food doesn't seem to be the root of the problems she's having.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks guys

    yes we had to address the anxiety in order to get her to eat, so sh'es on 7.5 zyprexa now. she is getting therapy, they tried to hypmotize her yet couldnt'. she also gets a family therapy piece with me. she'll have yoga there, art therapy, group therapy.

    no, we aren't weaning her into day treatment we're just putting her in it. sink or float. the girl who worked with her with food will meet her this morning there and do meals with her. this has been a long standing issue with the social anxiety piece that no matter what we have tried it just never goes away. her anxiety overall is huge the doctor's said,throw in her other junk and you have well my beautiful daughter.

    we can't do long walks right now shes' on restriction. their aim isnt to keep the kid in hospital its' to get them in day treatment. hospital is just to medically stable she said day treatments' where the real work is. a private pyschiatrist to bring in? i dont' know it wouldnt' benefit me having a dr all the way here from home. i have to work on lining up my ppl at home so she eases right into it when we go back.

    they aren't handling medication issues regarding when i wean off zyprexa their medical doctor's not psychiatrists so that's going to be left to the jerky dr i have back home. going to search for a new one
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The rehab director should be able to recommend the best psychiatrist available in the area. Finding the right guy at that's another challenge! DDD
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why would you even consider weaning off the zyprexa? I would think that would be something she would be on for the foreseeable future given her issues.
  16. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member


    Is Zyprexa the only medication she is on now? I would think that one of the benefits of bringing in a psychiatrist there would be if she needs to start another medication and particularly if she starts having trouble sleeping. At least they could get you started on something else if that's indicated and then you could follow up at home.
  17. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i had a mtg with my therapist today about it. she said just get my treatment providers in line for after care at home. so that's what i'll work on on wed. when she's back in treatment. tmrw she's with me all day. today i get her in a bit. she was very anxious today so i stayed and ate breakfast with her.

    i clued the staff in there also about her. we'll c how day went when i get her. zyprexa comes with alot of side effects and normally kids dont' stay on it that long as per them. we'll c. alot to think about. bringing a pyschiatrist in here doesnt' make sense they agreed. treatment has to be carried over in ny so wed i'll start working on that.

    therapist also thought my exh coming out on friday was horrible idea for multiple reasons, yet he wont' change his flight. so she's charging me just ten bucks for fri. to go back in with her and us to devise a plan for the weekend on how to handle that.

    alot of junk going on. handling it well yet throwing another pysch at her right now is a bad idea. let's let her get adjusted to the day unit see how she does there how food intake progresses along and also working on a plan for return with my therapist who by the way is amazing. her life has to change alot when i return home. integrating alot of diff things church will be one i've started it here with her, sociial piece and contd home schooling till sept they all agree on. we dont' want to chance this returning by throwing her into middle school towards end of year. best to start fresh in sept.

    so far she's sleeping. i had to sit in bathroomlast night alone so it would be dark and quiet in our shared room. it's hard here with-her. there was no available tv last night to watch house is at max here. so no tv in room and internet doesn't work in room for shows, etc. it's def a challenge all the way around. :)
  18. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Your EX is coming? YIKES. Oh boy, that will be fun. NOT. Really you don't need that. Hugs.

    trying to think of some things for the evening. Does your daughter have an IPOD? You can download books on tape. They really calm my son down. Call up the POrtland public library because you can download them from the library. Or probably even from your library back home.
    Does your computer play movies? Could you rent some? You can get them on line on demand from NETFlix. And they have one month free membership. Though that won't help if your room doesn't have internet.

    Anyway, can't think of anything more helpful to add. Hope the program went well today. I am so glad you have therapist with EX coming. What are you expecting him to do?
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    My thought on bringing in a new psychiatrist at that location was that if you got a good one (compared to the loser at home) you might get the right medication well as she would have an evaluation from a new disinterested professional. I still think it's a good idea but you are the Warrior Mom for difficult child and your decision rules! LOL DDD