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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 227435" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>At 17, at least here, the law no longer treats one like a minor. If this were me, and i went through hell with my now 24 year old daughter, he'd have one foot out the door unless he was ready to comply with treatment, which would include going to that meeting and getting help. I don't know if he's dabbling with drugs or not, but it sounds like he is, and he certainly is being very disrespectful and cocky. My guess is he believes he can do whatever he wants to do without consequences. If you don't think your son is doing drugs, in my opinion you are probably fooling yourself. It's possible, but unlikely. </p><p></p><p>I would tell him that he either followed my rules or made plans to leave the house at 18. He can make the decision himself. He is blatantly disregarding everything you tell him, making you sick with worry, and refusing all help. We told my daughter she had to get help or leave. We were lucky that she had a place to go because she wasn't up for treatment. But as soon as she left and had to live with her straight-arrow brother and knew it was her last chance or that she'd be on the streets, she straightened up fast. Unlike us, her brother wouldn't put up with any infractions. She towed the line or she was out and she knew he meant it. He wouldn't cut her any flack. It was HER choice to go though and she was the one who called and begged her brother to let her live with him. She had no car and had to get a job and walk to work each day, and it was in another state so she had to make no friends and a new start. It worked. NOTHING was working in OUR house.</p><p> If your son wants to act like he can do what he wants, in my opinion he needs to take adult responsibility for his actions. That means being on his own. I'd cut out all money, car insurance, and, if he's not paying for that cell phone, I'd stop paying for that too. He can work part-time. Even my daughter did that, high on drugs and all...lol. That was her money. We wouldn't give her any when she started using it for drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. She had access to our food and basics, but anything else she had to pay for herself. She still did her thing, but WE didn't pay for it. She did.</p><p>My daughter turned it all around. I believe in tough love for kids of that age bracket because, unlike younger kids, we have no control over them other than giving them money and a home. Therefore, they sometimes have no motivation to change unless they are faced with a hard choice. I know how hard this is because I lived with it. My daughter would take out her window and climb outside at night and be running the streets, getting high, and this would be after we were all asleep so she didn't get caught for a long time. Even the police and being on parole twice didn't stop her. She was headed for a terrible life. We felt desperate and decided that if she was going to destroy herself it wouldn't be under our roof and it wouldn't be easy. We wouldn't let her be comfortable while she self-destructed. We were lucky that she turned it around as soon as she was told to leave. Not all kids do that. But something has to matter enough for these kids to change. (((Hugs))) Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 227435, member: 1550"] At 17, at least here, the law no longer treats one like a minor. If this were me, and i went through hell with my now 24 year old daughter, he'd have one foot out the door unless he was ready to comply with treatment, which would include going to that meeting and getting help. I don't know if he's dabbling with drugs or not, but it sounds like he is, and he certainly is being very disrespectful and cocky. My guess is he believes he can do whatever he wants to do without consequences. If you don't think your son is doing drugs, in my opinion you are probably fooling yourself. It's possible, but unlikely. I would tell him that he either followed my rules or made plans to leave the house at 18. He can make the decision himself. He is blatantly disregarding everything you tell him, making you sick with worry, and refusing all help. We told my daughter she had to get help or leave. We were lucky that she had a place to go because she wasn't up for treatment. But as soon as she left and had to live with her straight-arrow brother and knew it was her last chance or that she'd be on the streets, she straightened up fast. Unlike us, her brother wouldn't put up with any infractions. She towed the line or she was out and she knew he meant it. He wouldn't cut her any flack. It was HER choice to go though and she was the one who called and begged her brother to let her live with him. She had no car and had to get a job and walk to work each day, and it was in another state so she had to make no friends and a new start. It worked. NOTHING was working in OUR house. If your son wants to act like he can do what he wants, in my opinion he needs to take adult responsibility for his actions. That means being on his own. I'd cut out all money, car insurance, and, if he's not paying for that cell phone, I'd stop paying for that too. He can work part-time. Even my daughter did that, high on drugs and all...lol. That was her money. We wouldn't give her any when she started using it for drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. She had access to our food and basics, but anything else she had to pay for herself. She still did her thing, but WE didn't pay for it. She did. My daughter turned it all around. I believe in tough love for kids of that age bracket because, unlike younger kids, we have no control over them other than giving them money and a home. Therefore, they sometimes have no motivation to change unless they are faced with a hard choice. I know how hard this is because I lived with it. My daughter would take out her window and climb outside at night and be running the streets, getting high, and this would be after we were all asleep so she didn't get caught for a long time. Even the police and being on parole twice didn't stop her. She was headed for a terrible life. We felt desperate and decided that if she was going to destroy herself it wouldn't be under our roof and it wouldn't be easy. We wouldn't let her be comfortable while she self-destructed. We were lucky that she turned it around as soon as she was told to leave. Not all kids do that. But something has to matter enough for these kids to change. (((Hugs))) Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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