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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 317068" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Thanks, Star, the validation does help. But, don't mistake my venting for guilt. I don't feel guilty. I feel angry, and resentful, and unable to truly give her a piece of my mind right now because it seems.. unloving. I hate to wish a miscarriage on anyone, but in this case, it would be what's best even if it's not a "nice" thing to say. Except that, she might just try again.</p><p></p><p>To counter the doctor that said, "if you want..." .. we have a neurologist who reportedly gave Youngest a piece of her MIND yesterday when called about whether or not to take her seizure medications while pregnant. She basically told her it was irresponsible of her to get pregnant, and that people who have babies and have seizures have to plan carefully for them. Now, doctor has no idea this was deliberate, but I'm guessing given Youngest's age and history .. well she figures she wasn't NOT trying. Since the last seizure Youngest had was only a month ago, it may be more dangerous to go off the medications than to stay on them... weighing risks and all that. </p><p></p><p>It's not even the helping with the child, per se. I've vented here about her being mad I don't drop everything to watch her son when she wants it, but that's not even the issue. It's her chronic health issues that pop up constantly.. which will worsen when pregnant. When she had a seizure ... I step in to help. When she has kidney stones.. I step in to help. I do so because I know my grandson is probably scared that mommy is sick, and because it's the right thing to do for his sake. It's when these health issues keep coming on because of her lack of attention to her own self-care ... that ticks me off and makes me resentful. Her pregnancy will exacerbate (sp?) all her health issues. Her last pregnancy was a very difficult one, and she was in and out of the hospital. I don't expect this will be any different, if she carries the baby to term. But of course, she didn't think of any of that. </p><p></p><p>I just get very tired of dealing with the health problems both my girls have on top of the psychiatric and addiction issues. (Oldest has Crohn's with an ileostomy and a completely messed up immune system. Youngest has endometriosis, kidney stones, asthma, and seizures). I get tired of the fact they don't take care of themselves enough. I don't feel that I can ignore them when they are physically ill, even if it is their "fault" in a way (not that they ahve these diseases/disorders, but that they ignore the triggers). I choose my battles in that area... try to gauge just how sick they are, and decide whether I really need to rearrange my schedule to help out. I no longer jump at any phonecall from the ER, because honestly, I get one at least once every few months. I am just battle-weary. And the thought of waht lies ahead with this pregnancy... and Oldest's inevitable jealousy over it all (oh boy wait till SHE finds out) ... kind of makes me crazy. </p><p></p><p>It is what it is. I can't change it. I do plan on talking to Youngest's boyfriend/fiance about stepping up to the plate.. gee I'm so sorry you have to miss work again to help her out .. but this is the life you guys chose. I've done my part there. Unless there is no other way, I'm saving my vacation/sicktime. You use yours. </p><p></p><p>So see, as much as I think he's bad for her in some ways, I'm glad there's someone else to take care of her.. I'm tired of it. </p><p></p><p>Ahh this post could go on forever lol.. stopping now <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 317068, member: 1157"] Thanks, Star, the validation does help. But, don't mistake my venting for guilt. I don't feel guilty. I feel angry, and resentful, and unable to truly give her a piece of my mind right now because it seems.. unloving. I hate to wish a miscarriage on anyone, but in this case, it would be what's best even if it's not a "nice" thing to say. Except that, she might just try again. To counter the doctor that said, "if you want..." .. we have a neurologist who reportedly gave Youngest a piece of her MIND yesterday when called about whether or not to take her seizure medications while pregnant. She basically told her it was irresponsible of her to get pregnant, and that people who have babies and have seizures have to plan carefully for them. Now, doctor has no idea this was deliberate, but I'm guessing given Youngest's age and history .. well she figures she wasn't NOT trying. Since the last seizure Youngest had was only a month ago, it may be more dangerous to go off the medications than to stay on them... weighing risks and all that. It's not even the helping with the child, per se. I've vented here about her being mad I don't drop everything to watch her son when she wants it, but that's not even the issue. It's her chronic health issues that pop up constantly.. which will worsen when pregnant. When she had a seizure ... I step in to help. When she has kidney stones.. I step in to help. I do so because I know my grandson is probably scared that mommy is sick, and because it's the right thing to do for his sake. It's when these health issues keep coming on because of her lack of attention to her own self-care ... that ticks me off and makes me resentful. Her pregnancy will exacerbate (sp?) all her health issues. Her last pregnancy was a very difficult one, and she was in and out of the hospital. I don't expect this will be any different, if she carries the baby to term. But of course, she didn't think of any of that. I just get very tired of dealing with the health problems both my girls have on top of the psychiatric and addiction issues. (Oldest has Crohn's with an ileostomy and a completely messed up immune system. Youngest has endometriosis, kidney stones, asthma, and seizures). I get tired of the fact they don't take care of themselves enough. I don't feel that I can ignore them when they are physically ill, even if it is their "fault" in a way (not that they ahve these diseases/disorders, but that they ignore the triggers). I choose my battles in that area... try to gauge just how sick they are, and decide whether I really need to rearrange my schedule to help out. I no longer jump at any phonecall from the ER, because honestly, I get one at least once every few months. I am just battle-weary. And the thought of waht lies ahead with this pregnancy... and Oldest's inevitable jealousy over it all (oh boy wait till SHE finds out) ... kind of makes me crazy. It is what it is. I can't change it. I do plan on talking to Youngest's boyfriend/fiance about stepping up to the plate.. gee I'm so sorry you have to miss work again to help her out .. but this is the life you guys chose. I've done my part there. Unless there is no other way, I'm saving my vacation/sicktime. You use yours. So see, as much as I think he's bad for her in some ways, I'm glad there's someone else to take care of her.. I'm tired of it. Ahh this post could go on forever lol.. stopping now :) [/QUOTE]
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