here we go again!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sooooo tired, Jun 19, 2015.

  1. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    My daughter hasn't done this for awhile, but here we go again!!! She goes on these rants every now and then, and she does bizarre things. Today she walked all the way to downtown, which is quite a few miles, and not very safe. Her oldest son told me she was flipping out and saying she was gonna start smoking crack. Her stupid boyfriend was following her and screaming at her the whole way! Her son and his girlfriend took the 3 year old out to eat to get him away from all the drama and then he left him with me. This is what she does when she is backed into a corner. She goes on a rampage and expects everyone to keep dealing with her.I really dont know what she is trying to accomplish but drawing sympathy and attention to herself, and make everyone worry about her.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    She is obviously abusing drugs.

    She can't make everybody worry about her unless the person is overly involved. You said she's done this before. She will do it agin. It is something she does and you should expect it of her because she is a drama queen who likes to cause BIG scenes. Is everybody worried or are some just tired of it all? How did you find out? What were you supposed to do?

    I think, a nd this is just my opinion, you need to just go on with your life, knowing that she will act bizarre when under stress or maybe to get people to do what she wants.She doesn't even care if her own kids see it. You can't do anything to stop it. Sad as it is, you can't.

    I hope you have a good day and maybe see your more functional grown kids or just take a nice walk with some friends. This has nothing to do with you other than making your grandson comfortable. She is an adult. If she wants to rant and smoke crack, you can't stop her.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe read the article on the top of the page on detachment.

    Hugs!!!
     
  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Soooo tired, I am sorry. One of the common factors with our dcs is the degree of drama and chaos that follows them everywhere they go. It is victim mentality. It is being an attention hog. It comes with the territory. People who do this have a huge hole deep inside and it is not a hole that you and I can ever fill.

    I don't know about you, but after years of dealing with this, I have a complete aversion to drama and chaos today. I work to stand way way back from it and not to engage with it as much as possible.

    My son even though he is doing much better, still likes to show me his cuts and scrapes from his job which includes working with plastics and big machines. Injuries are common. I listen to his voice and watch his face when he is doing this. He is excited and wants me to get excited about it. I used to. Not anymore. When he does this I usually murmur something---deliberately---like that must hurt. Or do you need a bandaid. I try not to feed the drama and I get away from it quickly.

    Don't engage with this. Let it play out. Stand way way back. Addicts are amazingly resilient and they are true survivors. They abuse their bodies incredibly and keep on ticking.

    You can't fix this. But I know it is still upsetting. Work to start changing your reactions to these types of situations and in time, you may see and hear less and less of it. If they don't get the reaction they want from us, amazingly the drama lessens. Hang in there.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  4. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Is the child safe with the mother in normal day to day life?

    Do you feel it is time to call Social Services in?

    It's so hard to think what to do when our grown kids do these kinds of unbelievable things. They seem to believe, right down to the roots of their hair, that the normal, everyday things we all do to create our lives are somehow excruciatingly impossible for them. It is difficult to know whether drugs are the issue, or whether the kids are ill. Hard to know which came first. We don't know which way to turn or what to do or even how to think about it and yet, we feel we should do something. We wrap ourselves up in knots because nothing remotely like this is happening to our friends and we think maybe, since it looks like they know how to do this, there must be some crucial thing we are missing.

    None of that is true, sooo tired.

    It's the situation that is bad and wrong.

    Not you.

    The daughter has a boyfriend. It sounds like the fight between the two of them was intentionally blown out of control by one or both of them.
    There is no way to know whether drug use was a piece of that or whether something else is going on or just why they do what they do. So, you only have to look at one thing: Is the child safe, or is it time to step in. The brother brought him to you. So, that tells me the brother knows when to take the child away.

    So, there is nothing for you to do but enjoy this time with your grandson, and love him the best you know.

    That is what grandmothers can do.

    We can love them.

    There was a time when we took our grands here and there. I don't think I have the energy to do that anymore.

    But I don't know what's coming next, either.

    So I just love them and love me and do the best I know, today.

    Just for today, that will be enough, soooo tired.

    Just for today.

    Tomorrow will take care of itself.

    That's the only way to get through any of this stuff we have no control over. Just do one little step at a time. Don't borrow trouble. Try not to catastrophize or predict. Just try to stay present, to stay right here in the moment.

    I am glad you were there for your grandsons. Do you know how long the little one will be with you?

    How is the older one taking all this?

    Cedar
     
Loading...