Here we go.. difficult child asked if she could move back in.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by cw_mi, May 21, 2013.

  1. cw_mi

    cw_mi New Member

    Back story :

    difficult child and biological dad had a huge blowout. Police involved and ended up with difficult child spending night at the loser fiancé’s house.
    The past month or so difficult child and her mom have been communicating thru email and the occasional phone call. difficult child actually spent mother’s day weekend with us.
    So they have been talking and difficult child claims she wants to stop lying and come clean with everyone. She has already told us that her and the Bildo are together and currently engaged. (we already knew this) but the only person she has left out is her bio dad. My wife has told her you need to come clean with everyone, especially you’re dad since he’s currently keeping a roof over your head and feeding and clothing you. Well bio dad is a complete moron , and pretty much unable to have a decent conversation about anything. He actually thinks he’s got ahold of the situation and that difficult child is conforming to his rules. The guy is completely clueless.
    So my wife gets a call from difficult child this morning. She tells her that her and her dad had a huge blowout. She came clean with him and said that her and Bildo are still together and engaged and they have been communicating with a cell phone that he provided. So of course bio dad blows up take the phone and shatters it on the pavement, then actually grabbed difficult child by the wrist. Who really knows how hard , difficult child embellishes her stories so much and just exaggerates about everything so we will never know the truth. So she ran to the neighbor and called the police they ended up taking her to Bildo’s and that is where she spent the night. So after explaining all this to my wife she asked if she could come back and live with us. I am very happy that my wife and I are on the same page , we both do not want this at this moment. We’ve also communicated to difficult child that we’ve known all along that her and him have not broken up and never did. We told her your 18, you don’t live under our roof , it is what it is. It’s your mistake to make. We don’t approve of your choice but who really chooses who they fall in love with. We also told her that if she wants to spend time with us , it’s with us. You can be with Bildo on your own time. We do not want to see nor hear about him. The first time we see you trying to sneak to see him or talk to him when you’re visiting us , then we are done. The last time we talked I told her that for as much as they are in love , he has not sacrificed anything for you. It has all been on you, you have sacrificed where you lived, a relationship with your family, everything and for what ? It fell on deaf ears I’m sure. My wife also told difficult child some things that Bildo has been saying on FB and in school about difficult child. Things that are not true, and from the outside looking in is proof that he is trying to alienate her from her family and now friends. I don’t think my wife should have even brought that up, it will only make her look bad since difficult child will only believe what Bildo says.
    Now I know when it comes to difficult child living on the street or with Bildo and his family my wife might change her mind. To me, yes I can see that will be tough for my wife but difficult child has to hit rock bottom before she can learn. At the moment that has not happened. We had heard that Bildo has gotten accepted into the military, which I’m having a hard time believing with his poor grades, and medications and issues he has. If true it might be the best thing for him. Is this stuff ever going to end ?!? It is amazing how one person can let such a destructive person into their lives and not even see what it is doing.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So are you telling her she can not live with you unless she dumps Bildo? You are not clear in your writing on what your actual position is here.
  3. cw_mi

    cw_mi New Member

    My wife told her she is not ready to have her move back. There are some major trust issues (she also stole from my wife) that need to be worked out before we even talk about it. When I write a post I know it seems like we focus on the issues caused by Bildo but when we talk to difficult child we try and focus on the fact that it is her lying and dishonesty that has caused her to be where she is now, not Bill. Even though we all know it is all caused by her allowing him to manipulate her to go against her friends and family. She is 18 with the maturity level of a 13 year old. She is doing everything based on emotion and his words.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm confused too.

    You can't stop an 18 year old from seeing a boyfriend just because you don't like him. I guess you can decide she can't live there unless she stops seeing him, but she will likely say she has stopped and just sneak, as most teen girls would do at her age. The lying and stealing? I personally would be "iffy" about letting her back home if she steals.

    I think you need to clarify your post. I'm not sure what you mean, what your issues are, what you expect of her, etc. I don't even know if you and her mother are on the same page. If you're not, that could cause friction between the two of you, although you say your wife doesn't want her back at this time. If so, what is it you need from us? How can we help?
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I cant go to the back story from my phone, so i guess that is where the info on trust issues is.

    Well, if her mom is not ready for her to come home, i guess you are in for some drama to come! LOL!
  6. cw_mi

    cw_mi New Member

    Have you read the backstory ? It pretty much answers all your questions. My reply was basically just an update. Her mom and I are on the same page. It is much more than us just not liking the boyfriend, much more. Now we really don't care whom she see's , especially since she no longer lives with us but watching her throw her life and family away over this kid is disheartening.