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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 501060" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know it is middle of the night and you need to keep calm because it is the only sane thing to do, but if he stays, GET A DRUG DOG IN THE HOUSE TO GO THROUGH HIS STUFF ASAP.</p><p></p><p>He was being arrogant and an idiot but went to bed calm and then had the sudden change and the ONLY thing that causes that sudden a change is being stoned. This was NOT just him changing his attitude or losing his mind. This was him taking something - some type of pill or injected medicine because if he smoked you probably would smell it in his room and I am not sure he is so sure of you yet to actually smoke something in the house YET because he wants that money money money. The dead eyes, complete change in everything is ONLY caused by being high.</p><p></p><p>He has drugs in his possessions. If he stays, go to the store (any drug store, Walmart, Target, etc....) and get the most complete drug test you can, and insist that if he will not give a sample with his father actually watching him urinate (I know, NOT FUN for h but you MUST be sure it is not coming from a balloon or condom tucked up in his underwear) and if he does the whole "storm out because you made the demand and come back agreeing and saying he is sorry he was a jerk" koi then you can be SURE he went and got something to help him fake the test and I KNOW it is hard to believe he could do these things but they learn this EARLY in their drug use. He MUST give a supervised sample WITHOUT storming out to calm down and then MAYBE you will get an idea of what you are dealing with. You also MUST go through his EVERY belonging - this means his bags, his ENTIRE room, his car, anywhere else he spends time and might hide his drugs. This would probably be a LOT easier if you call and speak to the police. Tell difficult child that he can either hand over ALL the drugs and paraphernalia he brought home or he can deal with whatever the police do. I do know how hard this will be, how much you want peace and to do toher things, but this is IMPORTANT, in my opinion. You can ask the police if it is possible to have them bring a drug dog through and use what they find if it is personal use amount/paraphernalia to help force your son into rehab and therapy and getting clean. If they have to arrest him what would be the possible charges and is it possible that if they did bring charges could they be dropped if he got into rehab and got clean?</p><p></p><p>MOST of the time the first offenses may just get a ticket, depending on how much is found. Some of the time it can be more, but generally by the tme it gets to court the charges have been suspended pending rehab and if rehab happens then they are dropped/suspended for a year or two and then they can be expunged. I know quite a few parents who have done this.</p><p></p><p>Yes, he will get angry. He will say you are making him a criminal and ruining his future. If he has trafficking weight (LARGE amount that if he doesn't sell it would probably kill him), the charges are more serious. As a first offender/early in the cycle offender, he is still likely to be able to get away with very little long term consequences - LONG TERM consequences - but the short term could be pretty hairy and stressful because there would be charges that were more serious. But if he has trafficking weight he is GOING to work and work and work and work on your 14 yo and 17 yo to not be "judgemental" and to "just try it before you say Mom and Dad are so right". He also could get a LOT of scary people coming to your house to either retrieve their drugs/hurt difficult child if he can't sell them and give them their money or to buy from him. Plus then addicts will know where he is living and that he has drugs there and could just come to rob you of the drugs and anything else they want. </p><p></p><p>The ONLY way you are going to really be able to be SURE if there are drugs hidden is a drug dog, in my opinion. You can search but the hiding places a difficult child can find for drugs are astonishingly clever. A drug dog can search an area and if there are drugs in a sealed box with soemthing to hide the smell or air freshener or mint around it, the dog will still find it. These dogs are incredible in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I would see this as a deal breaker if it were my kid and we had that sudden change in his entire attitude/behavior last night. This is NOT pot use. I don't even think you are dealing with alcohol. This seems a LOT more like a harder drug of some kind. Pot and booze are scary enough, and you don't want they around the other kids but you also know that the kids have to make choices out at parties, etc.... on those things. But what difficult child is using seems a LOT scarier to me. That sudden dead eyed, demanding, give it to me NOW thing seems like high behavior or some type of serious, scary withdrawal that you likely would not get from pot or alcohol. </p><p></p><p>difficult child could have gotten into another drug with-o knowing it and then been stuck. It is pretty easy to tell mom and dad you are doing pot/booze and have gotten over your head. Telling them the other stuff is happening is harder. It could have started with another drug mxed with his pot and then his body craved it and his addiction told him "what is the difference? what is the harm? just a little bit, come on, no big deal" and he got trapped. </p><p></p><p>I am hoping you are asleep and see this in the morning. PLEASE at least search all his stuff that he moved back in, and check to see if he pulled up the carpet/flooring somewhere or put something between the mattress and box springs and other fairly easy hiding places. he is not going to expect this and will be FURIOUS, but when/if he storms out, to get back in ALL his clothing/belongings that he brings onto the property MUST be searched. IF the car is in your name, take the spark plug wires so he can't drive. IF it isn't, he can't park on the property unless you can search it. </p><p></p><p>I KNOW you don't want to do this. I really do. I also KNOW you don't want him to bring meth or crack or oxy or heroin or ecstasy or other any other drug onto your property around YOU and around your other children. </p><p></p><p>You DON"T have to search, or drug test him. (by the way, you can buy those instant drug test things the cops use online fairly easily. You can also send his hair away for a drug test and they can tell you the progression of what he used and wehn he used it because it all comes out in the hair - the longer his hair, the farther back they can tell what/when he used. It might help you to know the progression of his use, maybe. It does take time to get those hair tests back though.) You can only do what you can do. But please please please, understand that his sudden changes ARE from either getting high or hitting heavy duty withdrawal. It is ALL the addiction talking. ALL of it. </p><p></p><p>I understand that this may be more than you are ready for right now. And that SOME of the problems are PTSD/Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) related. Those don't cause the sudden change though. I pray for your family that this can be healed fairly quickly and will not spread to your other sons. They ALL have so much going for them, such an unlimited future. (((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 501060, member: 1233"] I know it is middle of the night and you need to keep calm because it is the only sane thing to do, but if he stays, GET A DRUG DOG IN THE HOUSE TO GO THROUGH HIS STUFF ASAP. He was being arrogant and an idiot but went to bed calm and then had the sudden change and the ONLY thing that causes that sudden a change is being stoned. This was NOT just him changing his attitude or losing his mind. This was him taking something - some type of pill or injected medicine because if he smoked you probably would smell it in his room and I am not sure he is so sure of you yet to actually smoke something in the house YET because he wants that money money money. The dead eyes, complete change in everything is ONLY caused by being high. He has drugs in his possessions. If he stays, go to the store (any drug store, Walmart, Target, etc....) and get the most complete drug test you can, and insist that if he will not give a sample with his father actually watching him urinate (I know, NOT FUN for h but you MUST be sure it is not coming from a balloon or condom tucked up in his underwear) and if he does the whole "storm out because you made the demand and come back agreeing and saying he is sorry he was a jerk" koi then you can be SURE he went and got something to help him fake the test and I KNOW it is hard to believe he could do these things but they learn this EARLY in their drug use. He MUST give a supervised sample WITHOUT storming out to calm down and then MAYBE you will get an idea of what you are dealing with. You also MUST go through his EVERY belonging - this means his bags, his ENTIRE room, his car, anywhere else he spends time and might hide his drugs. This would probably be a LOT easier if you call and speak to the police. Tell difficult child that he can either hand over ALL the drugs and paraphernalia he brought home or he can deal with whatever the police do. I do know how hard this will be, how much you want peace and to do toher things, but this is IMPORTANT, in my opinion. You can ask the police if it is possible to have them bring a drug dog through and use what they find if it is personal use amount/paraphernalia to help force your son into rehab and therapy and getting clean. If they have to arrest him what would be the possible charges and is it possible that if they did bring charges could they be dropped if he got into rehab and got clean? MOST of the time the first offenses may just get a ticket, depending on how much is found. Some of the time it can be more, but generally by the tme it gets to court the charges have been suspended pending rehab and if rehab happens then they are dropped/suspended for a year or two and then they can be expunged. I know quite a few parents who have done this. Yes, he will get angry. He will say you are making him a criminal and ruining his future. If he has trafficking weight (LARGE amount that if he doesn't sell it would probably kill him), the charges are more serious. As a first offender/early in the cycle offender, he is still likely to be able to get away with very little long term consequences - LONG TERM consequences - but the short term could be pretty hairy and stressful because there would be charges that were more serious. But if he has trafficking weight he is GOING to work and work and work and work on your 14 yo and 17 yo to not be "judgemental" and to "just try it before you say Mom and Dad are so right". He also could get a LOT of scary people coming to your house to either retrieve their drugs/hurt difficult child if he can't sell them and give them their money or to buy from him. Plus then addicts will know where he is living and that he has drugs there and could just come to rob you of the drugs and anything else they want. The ONLY way you are going to really be able to be SURE if there are drugs hidden is a drug dog, in my opinion. You can search but the hiding places a difficult child can find for drugs are astonishingly clever. A drug dog can search an area and if there are drugs in a sealed box with soemthing to hide the smell or air freshener or mint around it, the dog will still find it. These dogs are incredible in my opinion. I would see this as a deal breaker if it were my kid and we had that sudden change in his entire attitude/behavior last night. This is NOT pot use. I don't even think you are dealing with alcohol. This seems a LOT more like a harder drug of some kind. Pot and booze are scary enough, and you don't want they around the other kids but you also know that the kids have to make choices out at parties, etc.... on those things. But what difficult child is using seems a LOT scarier to me. That sudden dead eyed, demanding, give it to me NOW thing seems like high behavior or some type of serious, scary withdrawal that you likely would not get from pot or alcohol. difficult child could have gotten into another drug with-o knowing it and then been stuck. It is pretty easy to tell mom and dad you are doing pot/booze and have gotten over your head. Telling them the other stuff is happening is harder. It could have started with another drug mxed with his pot and then his body craved it and his addiction told him "what is the difference? what is the harm? just a little bit, come on, no big deal" and he got trapped. I am hoping you are asleep and see this in the morning. PLEASE at least search all his stuff that he moved back in, and check to see if he pulled up the carpet/flooring somewhere or put something between the mattress and box springs and other fairly easy hiding places. he is not going to expect this and will be FURIOUS, but when/if he storms out, to get back in ALL his clothing/belongings that he brings onto the property MUST be searched. IF the car is in your name, take the spark plug wires so he can't drive. IF it isn't, he can't park on the property unless you can search it. I KNOW you don't want to do this. I really do. I also KNOW you don't want him to bring meth or crack or oxy or heroin or ecstasy or other any other drug onto your property around YOU and around your other children. You DON"T have to search, or drug test him. (by the way, you can buy those instant drug test things the cops use online fairly easily. You can also send his hair away for a drug test and they can tell you the progression of what he used and wehn he used it because it all comes out in the hair - the longer his hair, the farther back they can tell what/when he used. It might help you to know the progression of his use, maybe. It does take time to get those hair tests back though.) You can only do what you can do. But please please please, understand that his sudden changes ARE from either getting high or hitting heavy duty withdrawal. It is ALL the addiction talking. ALL of it. I understand that this may be more than you are ready for right now. And that SOME of the problems are PTSD/Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) related. Those don't cause the sudden change though. I pray for your family that this can be healed fairly quickly and will not spread to your other sons. They ALL have so much going for them, such an unlimited future. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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