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He's been kicked out of the shelter
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 643342" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>It's so easy to say "you need to just let him go, it's his life, he needs to figure it our for himself" Yes, these are easy words to say but not always easy to act on. My heart goes out to you. We all know how physically and emotionally draining our difficult child's can be and the stress from it is not good for our health.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This makes perfect sense to me. My mother and my adoptive father were the most loving and giving people. When I was going through cancer treatments they moved in with us. My mother took care of all household duties so I could continue to work as that was all I had the energy to do. I also had hoped that my son and I could have had this kind of relationship. I, like my mother am a very loving and giving person but I have learned over the years to temper those qualities so that I am not putting myself in a position of being taken advantage of. The fact is, my son doesn't love me the way I loved my mother. I've had to accept that and I'm ok with it. Took me a while to get there. A quote that was shared with me really helped to clarify.</p><p><u><strong><em>Expectation minus reality equals disappointment.</em></strong></u></p><p>I had certain expectations for how I thought my life should be and when things didn't turn out the way I thought they should the disappointment would set in.</p><p></p><p>There is such a fine line between helping and enabling:</p><p>Enabling and helping are two very different things, and should not be confused. If you are "helping" a loved one out of their predicaments, or doing things that they can and should be doing for themselves, you are probably enabling them. As enablers usually act with a warm heart, you should remember that enabling is realistically hurting your loved one and also you.</p><p>The key is, things that they can or should be doing for themselves, we as parents should not be doing for our adult difficult child's.</p><p></p><p>Again, easy to say but not always easy to.</p><p></p><p>Sending you ((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 643342, member: 18516"] It's so easy to say "you need to just let him go, it's his life, he needs to figure it our for himself" Yes, these are easy words to say but not always easy to act on. My heart goes out to you. We all know how physically and emotionally draining our difficult child's can be and the stress from it is not good for our health. This makes perfect sense to me. My mother and my adoptive father were the most loving and giving people. When I was going through cancer treatments they moved in with us. My mother took care of all household duties so I could continue to work as that was all I had the energy to do. I also had hoped that my son and I could have had this kind of relationship. I, like my mother am a very loving and giving person but I have learned over the years to temper those qualities so that I am not putting myself in a position of being taken advantage of. The fact is, my son doesn't love me the way I loved my mother. I've had to accept that and I'm ok with it. Took me a while to get there. A quote that was shared with me really helped to clarify. [U][B][I]Expectation minus reality equals disappointment.[/I][/B][/U] I had certain expectations for how I thought my life should be and when things didn't turn out the way I thought they should the disappointment would set in. There is such a fine line between helping and enabling: Enabling and helping are two very different things, and should not be confused. If you are "helping" a loved one out of their predicaments, or doing things that they can and should be doing for themselves, you are probably enabling them. As enablers usually act with a warm heart, you should remember that enabling is realistically hurting your loved one and also you. The key is, things that they can or should be doing for themselves, we as parents should not be doing for our adult difficult child's. Again, easy to say but not always easy to. Sending you ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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