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Substance Abuse
He's gone & I am heartbroken yet resigned. Need to remember to breathe,
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 500719" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Addiction is an AWFUL disease. I still mourn the loss of my older brother and he has been gone into addiction for years, though for a bunch now it has been into being a dry drunk to me.</p><p></p><p>I watch episodes of A&E's Intervention online now and again when I am having a hard time letting go and meetings are not helping for a while. One of the interventionists on the latest episode said "Addiction is a the only disease that convinces the person that they are not sick, that everyone else is the problem. That is the drugs talking, the addiction protecting itself, not your son." The episode was Richard, and is the most recent one. </p><p></p><p>It just really hit home with me. Myabe it will help you too.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry it ended this way and I do think the girlfriend is a part of the problem. There always seem to be people around who want to enable an addict, at least for a while. This enabling makes me wonder who in the girlfriend's family is addicted to something. I am as positive that she has an addict or many in the family as I am the sun will rise in the morning. It is one of the facets of addiction, one of the reasons the whole family needs help.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you spoke to the kids. That is important. Getting a therapist to help you figure out the boundaries is also important. I also suggest you look into books for Adult Children of Alcoholics. The things you say about your brother and parents make me think you might find some value in them. I was SHOCKED when my mother first took me to an alanon meeting and introduced me to the concept of her being the adult child of an alcoholic. Esp to the part where it taught ME non-functional behavior patterns. But it DID, and I will always be thankful that I know and can work on this group of issues.</p><p></p><p>I think re-claiming his room is an awesome idea if you are ready to do it. It will not just help you. It will tell your other sons that thsi is just not okay, and it will give difficult child a HUGE shock. My bro was in his mid to late twenties when my mom cleaned out his room and he was just floored. He thought he could ALWAYS come home whenever he wanted. The idea of growing up and makign his own home didn't compute. He came "home" for "Christmas" and stayed until March or April with NO thought of contributing to the house or paying rent and then was really thrown for a loop when my mother packed his stuff up, paid for a storage unit for a few months and sent him the key and the bill with the date he had to make the first payment or have it emptied out. He thought he was being "thrown out" when my mom thought they had "thrown him out" years before when he was 19 and had almost gotten thrown out of college and HAD gotten tossed out of his dorm room. They told him he could work any job he wanted but if he wanted to earn min wage and not go to school and PASS then he had to go live on it NOW. 5 or 6 yrs later she redecorated his room and packed up the stuff he left there when he was gone 9 mos of the year and he thought he was "thrown out". I never got that but have accepted I won't.</p><p></p><p>I DO think your difficult child will be SHOCKED when he hears from his brothers or comes home and finds "his" room is redecorated. PLEASE make it a refuge for yourself or H. A game room, craft room, man cave, something special and uniquely yours. Not because it will "erase" difficult child. Nothing can do that. To give you that refuge, a place to really enjoy, to do something you love. </p><p></p><p>I know this is HARD and in many ways AWFUL, but in time some good things will happen too. You are handling this really really well. I would have had a hard time not pulling a "fried green tomatoes" movie stunt and crashing into the girlfriend's car because I am older and have better insurance. But that is childish and gives them too much power, Know what I mean?? I do think it was interesting that she drove out of your area because you were behind her. Bizarre, but interesting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 500719, member: 1233"] Addiction is an AWFUL disease. I still mourn the loss of my older brother and he has been gone into addiction for years, though for a bunch now it has been into being a dry drunk to me. I watch episodes of A&E's Intervention online now and again when I am having a hard time letting go and meetings are not helping for a while. One of the interventionists on the latest episode said "Addiction is a the only disease that convinces the person that they are not sick, that everyone else is the problem. That is the drugs talking, the addiction protecting itself, not your son." The episode was Richard, and is the most recent one. It just really hit home with me. Myabe it will help you too. I am sorry it ended this way and I do think the girlfriend is a part of the problem. There always seem to be people around who want to enable an addict, at least for a while. This enabling makes me wonder who in the girlfriend's family is addicted to something. I am as positive that she has an addict or many in the family as I am the sun will rise in the morning. It is one of the facets of addiction, one of the reasons the whole family needs help. I am glad you spoke to the kids. That is important. Getting a therapist to help you figure out the boundaries is also important. I also suggest you look into books for Adult Children of Alcoholics. The things you say about your brother and parents make me think you might find some value in them. I was SHOCKED when my mother first took me to an alanon meeting and introduced me to the concept of her being the adult child of an alcoholic. Esp to the part where it taught ME non-functional behavior patterns. But it DID, and I will always be thankful that I know and can work on this group of issues. I think re-claiming his room is an awesome idea if you are ready to do it. It will not just help you. It will tell your other sons that thsi is just not okay, and it will give difficult child a HUGE shock. My bro was in his mid to late twenties when my mom cleaned out his room and he was just floored. He thought he could ALWAYS come home whenever he wanted. The idea of growing up and makign his own home didn't compute. He came "home" for "Christmas" and stayed until March or April with NO thought of contributing to the house or paying rent and then was really thrown for a loop when my mother packed his stuff up, paid for a storage unit for a few months and sent him the key and the bill with the date he had to make the first payment or have it emptied out. He thought he was being "thrown out" when my mom thought they had "thrown him out" years before when he was 19 and had almost gotten thrown out of college and HAD gotten tossed out of his dorm room. They told him he could work any job he wanted but if he wanted to earn min wage and not go to school and PASS then he had to go live on it NOW. 5 or 6 yrs later she redecorated his room and packed up the stuff he left there when he was gone 9 mos of the year and he thought he was "thrown out". I never got that but have accepted I won't. I DO think your difficult child will be SHOCKED when he hears from his brothers or comes home and finds "his" room is redecorated. PLEASE make it a refuge for yourself or H. A game room, craft room, man cave, something special and uniquely yours. Not because it will "erase" difficult child. Nothing can do that. To give you that refuge, a place to really enjoy, to do something you love. I know this is HARD and in many ways AWFUL, but in time some good things will happen too. You are handling this really really well. I would have had a hard time not pulling a "fried green tomatoes" movie stunt and crashing into the girlfriend's car because I am older and have better insurance. But that is childish and gives them too much power, Know what I mean?? I do think it was interesting that she drove out of your area because you were behind her. Bizarre, but interesting. [/QUOTE]
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He's gone & I am heartbroken yet resigned. Need to remember to breathe,
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