He's in the Hospital Chain of Events

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pasajes4, Jul 11, 2015.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Please bear with me as I try to piece this together. I am not a prolific writer.

    February 2014- Locked up for probation violations

    March 2014 - Sent to intake evaluation/intake unit. I was notified of every visit to medical, dental, psychiatric, and
    any violations that would have sent him to security (solitary supervised custody)

    May 2014- Sent to his "home" unit. I received a written report detailing his progress at intake facility, He had
    one self referral to security for suicidal thoughts.

    May 2014- First visit with son since being sent over 300 miles from area. No weight loss, looked healthy,
    optimistic about going to halfway house in 4 months time upon completion of programs.
    3 DATS LATER- Phone call son sounds off says he has not eaten for several days because his food is being taken by other kids. Did he tell anyone no did not want to draw attention to himself or get beaten up.

    I called case manager she will look into it. Son put on security watch. 2 days later phone call from medical son was assaulted in his cell by another kid has tooth knocked out. Got hold of case manager asked how this could happen when under security watch. Her answer was less than satisfactory.

    I called the ombudsman in Austin and an investigation is launched. Staff suspended pending investigation
    Son remains in the same dorm- environment is tense and hostile. Son has many referrals to security.
    Investigation is completed. Staff was found guilty of setting son up and recruiting youth to attack son in cell. Staff fired including dorm manager.

    Son remains on dorm. Next visit son is visibly thinner looks stressed and jumpy. Phone call to ombudsman about my visit. Received phone call from unit director son will be moved to another dorm. I was not satisfied I wanted him moved to another facility it was denied.

    July Visit- He looks worse. He is being retaliated on by staff because their friends got fired. I say that I will call the ombudsman he says don't I have caused enough problems by being a MOM and now he is being labeled weak hat makes him a target. He says he will be out of there in 2 months as soon as he starts and finishes his 2 programs.

    September- he has not even started programs staff gives him one excuse after another. I feel it is more retaliation. In the meantime he is being sent to security right and left for petty infractions. Each time he is sent security says it was necessary to use force once they got him out of range of the cameras because he would begin to fight (they in leg irons and cuffs when escorted to security)

    He says to leave it alone he looks worse and worse still no program space for him

    I had had it I contact a well known juvenile defense attorney. He launches his own investigation. Program "spaces" open up. Son completes programs. Does not get moved because he has so many "violent" encounters with staff.

    Son is no angel but takes his anger and frustration out on himself first and then property. He will cuss you out and puff up making bull snorting sounds can be intimidating as he is over 6 feet tall and when he weighed close to 300 pounds. He now weighs 145.

    We are now in May of this year. I am getting negative report after negative report refuses medication beligerant with staff will have to age out of the system.

    Son's attitude with me is less than pleasant. My ptsd is kicking in. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I just want the whole thing to go away.

    We are now up to recent events and every encounter I have with my son is hostile on both ends.

    I get the call from current case manager about his going crazy in her office. This is where things get much uglier.

    !. She was not on duty that day. She called me 2 days after the incident.
    2. He could not have punched out ceiling tiles. He is tall but even jumping up he can't reach them.
    3. He did curse out a male staff member.
    4. He did become physical with a staff member. He intervened between the staff member and a younger smaller newbie who was getting hazed by the staff member son got between them and elbowed the officer. They called a code he was wrestled to the ground by 4 security officers who needed to use force to subdue a 145 pound kid. He was not taken to medical even when he said he was hurt.
    5. I get the call frm our local juvat he will be released.
    6. I pick him up He has the folder that according to policy should have a discharge plan, medical, dental clearance it had school papers and that was it. The ombudsman was scheduled to there on Friday to meet with kids who had filed complaints as a follow up.

    Why did he do it. "He was a little kid like Jalen (Jalen is his nephew) and he was scared. I would not let anyone hurt Jalen.

    Do I believe him? Yes, because of the things that had happened prior to this and the way him getting Occupational Therapist (OT) happened yes , I believe him. Do I think he should have taken things into his own hands? I would like to think I would have done the same thing.

    I am going to sleep now. He is doing better. I am not. Things will happen.

    I don't know why it says Occupational Therapist (OT) it should say way he got out
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2015
  2. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    Wow. Sounds like lots of people need firing. Is this a privatized facility? I hope you sue the crap out of them
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  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I had forgotten all the old stuff. That place seems very very sketchy.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Please sue the pants off these people!!!! Sounds awful. :(
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    From working in adult correctional facilities I know that all of these things happen:
    PASA, was the police report done? Have you asked your son about possible sexual assault?

    PASA, your son is a hero in his own life. He acted as we all hope we will when the situation gets tough. He stood up for the weak and he did the right thing. He endured the impossible. He left horror, and he walked out standing.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I want to thank everyone for their kind responses.

    The hospital considered filing charges on me for medical negligence for not taking him to a hospital a.s.a.p. at this point I would not have blamed them one bit. You would have to be a blind fool not to have seen that he needed medical care.
    They are not going to do so. To say that my family is a tad upset with me for waiting is an understatement.

    I called the ombudsman office, an attorney, law enforcement here as well as there. The hospital is in the process of contacting Baylor Medical school (they provide the medical and dental staff). Son says there are others who are targeted.
    I wanted to contact the young boys family. He does not have any. He has been in the foster system since he was little. he is there because he is a chronic escapee of state foster facilities. My son had promised to help him.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, pasa. What a horror story!!!!
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Heartbreaking!! :(
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    He was moved to a regular room. He had a liquid meal of broth and Jell-O. We walked down the hall and he flirted with a CNA. She is pretty cute. I am going to spend the night in my own bed and go to church in the morning.
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  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Pasa, I'm glad he seems better.

    What a horrible experience for you son (and you)!!!! Amazing that he lost THAT MUCH weight. I'd have smoke coming out of my ears. I'm sure you do.
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    PASA, through it all your son never lost faith in you and never lost confidence in his own power. He never lost who he was. No matter what, you have successfully parented him.

    I will begin to look at my own son in this way and try to gauge my own success as a parent with this result in mind.

    These kids give us so much trouble that I for one forget the other side of the coin: Courage, trust in their instincts, faith in himself, endurance, compassion, moral clarity.

    Your son exhibited all of these. If we were in the 19th Century Wild West our young men would be legendary heroes (or bad guys.)

    You had a tough time, PASA. This was horrible. But all of us now are a lot wiser through your experience.

    I am grateful to you PASA for letting us go through with it you.
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  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Cobana, He did lose faith in me. The only way I could deal with that situation and the hell he put everyone through before he got locked up, was to do an emotional disconnect. I dreaded seeing him, talking to him, or even reading his letters. He felt every bit of it. I wanted him out but not at home. I wanted my peace. I wanted a life that did not include any reminders of what I went through with his father. I did not want to have to relive every ugly memory in therapy.

    This is the truth and it is harsh and ugly.
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    PASA, first I want to dispute part of what you wrote.

    Your son knew the whole time he was there that you were advocating and fighting for him. What is it that he said, that your being a "Mom" was bringing negative attention from the staff?

    Up to and including when he reassured the boy when he left that he would help him. He knew you would help that child. And you did.

    It is a true thing that many of our sons have turned into our perpetrators. They know it and so do we. That is the truth.

    It may also be true that some of us have been abused in our lives, by parents or partners, and to have our kids turn into our perpetrators becomes an exquisitely horrible torture.

    I know what it is to defend myself from my child. And worse.

    I have become so defensive, so unhinged as a consequence of his suffering, and my sense of being responsible for it, that I abdicate to some extent my role as parent.

    I know I am not the lone ranger. On this board and everywhere this happens. There is no rule book to be parents. We are all of us just suffering, imperfect people. And we are dealing with impossible kids, often alone.

    Nobody in the world could fault you for being at your wits end, and defending against even more pain and heartache. To go after yourself would be the wrong way to go.

    First you do not deserve it. Second it is ineffective. Third, about 200 parents on this board including myself would have to jump off the cliff with you.

    And about 500 parents on this board dread some aspects of interacting with their children. Their craziness, the way they look, their laziness and disrespect, I could go on and on. But I do not need to.

    Because underlying all of it is that with our kids we feel ineffective, unloved, like failures, ashamed, guilty, and rejected.

    Who in their right mind would want more?

    Read some of my posts from the past few months, PASA, and you will see my guilt over rejecting my son, who thinks I have gone off the deep end.

    (My SO told me yesterday that my son thinks I have lost my mind due to early onset dementia. What are my symptoms, you ask? I cannot stand to talk to him or be with him for longer than, say, 3 minutes without acting bizarrely.)

    But he still loves me. And he knows I love him.

    As does your son, love you.

    They know more than anybody the ties that bind us. And believe me. Your son never forgot how much you love him and how you are there for him. No matter how many tense and hostile phone calls there were. He knows you were pissssed. And you had every right to be, as far as I'm concerned.

    These are normal, human responses. To impossible situations.
    I bet he did, but he knew you love him. He knew he f---ed up. He knew you were angry. And you had a right to be. He got himself in a horrible mess and you could not help him in it. Mothering him made it worse. But you still loved him. He knows it. And he loves you.

    You did not want this, nor did you cause one bit of it. Other people did. They are the bad guys. You are a good guy.
    Of course. And so do I. What is wrong with that? Given the reports you received from the institution you had no reason to expect any different from your son than what had gone on before he left.

    None of us guessed what was going on at that facility, even we who work in institutions. It seems that the staff falsified most every bit of information they gave you. They did so to cover up felonious behavior. If they put your son in harms way for pay back, and it can be proved, they deserve to go to prison. If they beat him up, as pay back, they deserve to go to prison for a long time.

    I would not be surprised if there is widespread corruption in that facility and this is but the tip of the iceberg. How in the world could you have known all this?

    I have googled staff corruption and inmate abuse in juvenile prisons. It seems it is a national problem. I did not know this. Nor did you.
    Too harsh and not ugly. Love is made of many things, PASA. But most of all, it is made of millions and millions of chances.

    PS I believe your son was targeted because he never gave up his power. He never broke. That power, PASA, he got from you. If he had lost faith in you, he would have crumbled. He never lost faith in you or himself. He walked out sick, but strong. And after all of it, he was flirting with the cute CNA. That is resilience.
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2015
  14. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like your son is a fighter just like his mom!
  15. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    He should have been moved to another facility immediately, during the investigation! This is an unbelievable chain of events and that entire facility needs to be shut down! This sort of thing shouldn't happen even in an adult institution. That it happened to a juvenile is outrageous!

    Pasajes - please try not to blame yourself. You could not possibly know he'd been so severely injured! I agree with Copa...your love for your son shows in everything you did.
  16. The negligence of this facility is incredible, i hope what they put your son through brings to light what has been happening inside this place that is supposedly helping young people correct their behavior. Will be praying for quick recovery for your son Pasa and hope you too continue to be strong to endure whatever comes.
  17. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry Pas. Sending you prayers and hugs for you and your son.......
  18. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    I feel so bad for you and your son!

    What a nightmare!

    I know that you are feeling very guilty right now, but put this into perspective--you had him in your custody for less than 24 hours. And you were assuming that they wouldn't have released him if they thought he needed hospitalization. Also, blindsided because you had no idea that he had been beaten (or kicked or thrown into a wall or down stairs) and had a fractured eye socket, cracked ribs, and a spleen that was about to burst.

    So, what about the people that KNEW what had happened to him while in their custody????????????? Where is their accountability?????????????

    Have the police been made aware of what has happened? Is the hospital as upset about the injuries now that they know that he got them in a juvenile facility as opposed to a negligent parent?

    I wonder if the local news would be interested in this story....
  19. allusedup

    allusedup Member

    This kind of corruption would not only make local news but national as well. The public SHOULD know that an institution that is supposed to help these kids with problems is instead intentionally doing just the opposite in everyway possible. It takes a small, vile person to be a part of that and it sounds like there are many like that there. I will be praying that you are successful in taking legal action against them. I also agree with the other members here in that you have instilled good values in your son and have done all you could do once you found out that he was being mistreated. He showed you that he listened and learned what you taught. And maybe most importantly, he chose TO DO the RIGHT thing, regardless of the negative consequences to himself. That is a rare thing in this day and time. I hope he has a speedy recovery and that the two of you will talk to one another openly about this horrible experience and that it will bring you both closer and give you a greater appreciation of one another. God bless!
  20. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your kind responses. The abuse in Texas prisons, adult and juvenile, is a well known problem. It is a point of pride with our legislators that "We are tough on criminals". There are places in the state where spitting on the sidewalk can get you a 25 year sentence. I am not exaggerating. It is also big business financially. This is not just a Texas problem it is a national problem.

    I did not see much evidence of a program whose intention was to "help" these kids. It was punitive plain and simple.

    Kids die in custody. They die while being restrained improperly. The public opinion of most people is that they deserved it. Most of the kids in juvenile facilities are undereducated, many come from the foster system, come from grinding poverty, and are minorities.

    There are caring individuals who work in corrections. They do the best they can. Staff is under paid and overworked. It is an environment that can go south in a heartbeat.

    I will leave it to my son and his attorneys as to the direction they want to take. This will no doubt be a long process. My sons main concern right now seems to be his young friend and who will have his back.