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He's never going to move out
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<blockquote data-quote="ML" data-source="post: 269217"><p>I have read all the wonderful responses (thank you so much) and thought about them for a few days.</p><p></p><p>J is not aspie. He's perfectly able to live on his own and has done so for several years. If it were a matter of him needed help with living skills I would much more accepting.</p><p></p><p>J *is* taking advantage of us. But because husband is rather codpendent with him and doesn't appear willing to change, therein lies the problem. He likes J living with us and doesn't care if he ever moves out. J feels the world (or more simply husband and by extension me) owe him a better existence. He had a lot of heartache growing up and hasn't worked through it yet. Until he learns that only he can make himself happy and stops having this sense of entitlement he will continue this pattern.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately husband and I don't do well in the communication department. husband is an alcoholic for a reason. He can't handle life, specifically conflict. When I bring issues to him he retreats and I'm afraid of him using alcohol again. I know truly I'm not responsible for his decisions yet I still tread lightly. Truth be said our marriage is pretty shaky. If it weren't for manster I would have left by now but husband's presence is a sense of foundation for manster. I left his father when he was 3 and can see the damage it did and I just can't put him through more major upheaval. husband is a constant for manster in a world where too much change and trauma have occurred.</p><p></p><p>I feel trapped by my past choices. I should never have remarried but I did and I have to make the best of it. My plan is to take things one day at a time and to live an autonomous existence to the extend necessary to survive. I have friends and I have you guys to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears. I have tons of great things going for me and I need to focus on them.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for being here and supporting me.</p><p></p><p>Love,</p><p></p><p>ML</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ML, post: 269217"] I have read all the wonderful responses (thank you so much) and thought about them for a few days. J is not aspie. He's perfectly able to live on his own and has done so for several years. If it were a matter of him needed help with living skills I would much more accepting. J *is* taking advantage of us. But because husband is rather codpendent with him and doesn't appear willing to change, therein lies the problem. He likes J living with us and doesn't care if he ever moves out. J feels the world (or more simply husband and by extension me) owe him a better existence. He had a lot of heartache growing up and hasn't worked through it yet. Until he learns that only he can make himself happy and stops having this sense of entitlement he will continue this pattern. Unfortunately husband and I don't do well in the communication department. husband is an alcoholic for a reason. He can't handle life, specifically conflict. When I bring issues to him he retreats and I'm afraid of him using alcohol again. I know truly I'm not responsible for his decisions yet I still tread lightly. Truth be said our marriage is pretty shaky. If it weren't for manster I would have left by now but husband's presence is a sense of foundation for manster. I left his father when he was 3 and can see the damage it did and I just can't put him through more major upheaval. husband is a constant for manster in a world where too much change and trauma have occurred. I feel trapped by my past choices. I should never have remarried but I did and I have to make the best of it. My plan is to take things one day at a time and to live an autonomous existence to the extend necessary to survive. I have friends and I have you guys to share my thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears. I have tons of great things going for me and I need to focus on them. Thanks for being here and supporting me. Love, ML [/QUOTE]
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