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Parent Emeritus
He's on his last, last leg
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 515625" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome to the board 2through.</p><p></p><p>We can relate to what you're going through. Most of us have been there. </p><p></p><p>Detachment is a process, it's not something you'll master overnight. But with practice it will make have a difficult child in your life so that it isn't all encompassing. </p><p></p><p>difficult child is 18. So as of now, you officially can't force him to do a darn thing. What you can do is decided what you're boundaries are. What behavior you will and won't tolerate (and be able to know you can stick to it), how much help you're willing to give and under what conditions. (make sure you can stick to those conditions too) By setting up these things you take control of your own life back, which is really pretty much all you can do until he's ready to seek treatment. </p><p></p><p>Being an addict, difficult child is not going to seek treatment until he is motivated to seek treatment. And sadly, the more you help him the less motivation he has and the more he can deny he has a problem. Making him deal with natural consequences for his actions and choices is a start. I'm going to take a wild guess here that grandma decided to come to his rescue for whatever reason? I know 18 seems young. I mean it wasn't long ago he was 17 and still a kid. But he's not a kid. He's an adult. And he needs to learn to act like one. He can't learn that if those around him rush in to rescue. </p><p></p><p>I'm not saying there won't be instances where you won't step in and offer help of some sort. That is where having those boundaries planned out comes in handy. You have a plan instead of acting on impulse. Say for some reason he's going hungry........you can buy him a meal, but not offer him cash. No where to stay? Offer him a ride to the homeless shelter instead of cash or letting him stay with you. </p><p></p><p>Many find al-anon helpful. You might want to look into a therapist for you, many parents find it helpful to have someone in person to unload on. </p><p></p><p>Try to focus on you, instead of difficult child. Make sure your taking time for yourself ect. And remember from this point out, it's on his shoulders, not yours. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. Others will be along, I'm sure.</p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 515625, member: 84"] Welcome to the board 2through. We can relate to what you're going through. Most of us have been there. Detachment is a process, it's not something you'll master overnight. But with practice it will make have a difficult child in your life so that it isn't all encompassing. difficult child is 18. So as of now, you officially can't force him to do a darn thing. What you can do is decided what you're boundaries are. What behavior you will and won't tolerate (and be able to know you can stick to it), how much help you're willing to give and under what conditions. (make sure you can stick to those conditions too) By setting up these things you take control of your own life back, which is really pretty much all you can do until he's ready to seek treatment. Being an addict, difficult child is not going to seek treatment until he is motivated to seek treatment. And sadly, the more you help him the less motivation he has and the more he can deny he has a problem. Making him deal with natural consequences for his actions and choices is a start. I'm going to take a wild guess here that grandma decided to come to his rescue for whatever reason? I know 18 seems young. I mean it wasn't long ago he was 17 and still a kid. But he's not a kid. He's an adult. And he needs to learn to act like one. He can't learn that if those around him rush in to rescue. I'm not saying there won't be instances where you won't step in and offer help of some sort. That is where having those boundaries planned out comes in handy. You have a plan instead of acting on impulse. Say for some reason he's going hungry........you can buy him a meal, but not offer him cash. No where to stay? Offer him a ride to the homeless shelter instead of cash or letting him stay with you. Many find al-anon helpful. You might want to look into a therapist for you, many parents find it helpful to have someone in person to unload on. Try to focus on you, instead of difficult child. Make sure your taking time for yourself ect. And remember from this point out, it's on his shoulders, not yours. I'm glad you found us. Others will be along, I'm sure. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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