He's out...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, May 23, 2012.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    difficult child#2 called last night he is out on parole & in a shelter in the worst part of the nearby city. He has nothing but the clothes he was released with. He wanted back what he sent us when he entered the prison (one outfit) and asked for nothing else. His exgirlfriend returned nothing of his after he went to jail and they have since broke up. She probably sold everything she could and tossed the rest. It fits her M.O. I admit I am tempted to buy him a few things. I probably would except that we had told him when he took everything out of our attic that we would not replace it. We have outfitted him so many times only to have him loose it all over and over again.

    I am hoping he makes it this time. Hoping this is his time to shine. I am staying out of all of it though. Maybe if he does it all on his own it will mean more. It is so hard not helping them navagate the system when you know they have such limited executive fuctioning abilities. But he is almost an hour away so I doubt my efforts would be of much use anyway. I'm trying to hold positive thoughts for him. I do not want to put any negativity out into the universe to find him. I am working on being happy and hopeful for him. -RM
  2. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    FWIW, I think you're spot on in following through with what you told him would happen (not replacing what he took out of the attic). "Maybe if he does it all on his own it will mean more" resonated with me too. Sending my own positive thoughts to both of you.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know how hard this must be for you, even though you know it's the right thing to do. Sending up prayers for both him and you.
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you dear ladies. -RM
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs to you. It's hard, I understand, I've been in a similar place. And, yet I believe also that you're doing the right thing. Gee Whiz I also know how hard it is. Prayers for you..........and for him too..............
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you Recovering, it is hard. I want to be happy I really do but the most I can be right now is calm. Does that make sence?
  7. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    For what it is worth, I really feel for you and your son. The mixture of hope and heartbreak is unbearable sometimes. I truly wish you and your son the best and hope this is the time he "gets it".
  8. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    RM: I am really hoping and praying that your difficult child makes it this time. It must be so hard for you to keep from buying him a few things, but I also understand why you must keep your word to difficult child about helping him. It is probably much better that difficult child is one hour away from you. Sending many hugs to you and special wishes to both you and your son.
  9. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Best wishes for you both! Calm is good!

    I also have helped to set my son up so many times just to have him loose everything - I won't do I any more either. As long as he has 1 to wash and 1 to wear while he is washing the other he'll be fine.
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    RM (((hugs)))

    I can only imagine all of your feelings right now. I will be in the same place within a year likely with my young difficult child (also 23 yrs old). It will be difficult for me to know how much to "give" and how much to let him figure out and do for self when he gets released from prison. I too will be searching for the calmness.

    Prayers and more positive thoughts that this truly is your son's time to shine.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    You are all so sweet. Thank you for your compassion and well wishes for me and my son. -RM
  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RM, been thinking about you today. I feel a lot of compassion for your plight with your difficult child, it feels very much like what I've gone through and to some degree continue to go through with mine. Calm is good, I'm happy you're there. It's sure a mixed bag of emotions, isn't it? All I can do is work on myself and continue to detach and accept. It does get easier, as I imagine you know, or calm wouldn't be your experience now. I really hope your son turns a corner here. I think my daughter has, but you just never know. I am sending you a big hug, one wounded mom heart to another..............
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yes it does get easier but it will never be a breeze. I do hope your daughter's progress continues. My son knows I love him I tell him every time we talk. He tells me also. I know he does as much as he is capable of real loving. It will be forever sad that he gave up so many chances at having a good life; but it will be triumphant if he gets past all that and makes the rest good. We parents suffer so watching our difficult children go wrong time after time, and hoping each new opportunity will be the one that turns them around. If a wounded heart is a beautiful heart (as in the metaphor of the old man) Then this group of parents have the corner on beautiful. -RM
  14. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hi RM,
    You're a wise, kind and loving mom, and I'm sorry for every awful thing you've gone through. The only thing I might do is send him some clothes (not anything expensive, and not a lot...just saying maybe some decent used Goodwill clothes). It's not a whole houseful of stuff he will lose or a big investment of money on your part. It just shows you're thinking of him, and it's a tangible good thing - but I don't think it's enabling. You of course know your own history with him, but I guess it's just a kind thing to do that sends good vibes and doesn't cost a lot of money.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Just popping in to say I care. Really hope he makes it this time!
  16. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs Rabbit