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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657613" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That is a priceless thing for us to know. <em>It never had a thing to do with us, with who or how we are.</em></p><p></p><p>WTF, right?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It looks like they are spreading love because that is what it would be ~ loving responsibility or loving pleasure or loving nurturing ~ if we were performing the same actions. But I think they do not know deep in the heart kind of loving. I think they only know shallow-water loving. As soon as the water is too deep to see their own reflections in it, they lose interest. That being the case, there is no golden child. There is a golden pawn. That is why the roles can be interchangeable, as they are in my FOO. (Did you see njs' interpretation of the meaning of FOO?!?) </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>So, let us say <em>the</em> FOO.</p><p></p><p>Where was I going with this.</p><p></p><p>Lost it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have read about families where only one child is targeted. It was that way in A Child Called It. The sibs were twisted into hurting him, too. That would be worse than the kind of abuse where the mom is so nuts she doesn't much care who she hurts. I always knew what my mother did was wrong, because I had seen her hurt others, hurt or betray friends, hurt animals. If I had not seen those things, it would have been a very hard thing to ever believe in myself, again. </p><p></p><p>I am glad you have your father now; and glad for the love there.</p><p></p><p>That is a miracle, that you have him now, and that he has you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Maybe this is true ~ that the abusers are deeply sick or flawed. I am not so into giving them a free pass into forgiveness, this morning. It's like my sense of fair play has been outraged around all these issues. That's what I see ~ no fair! Someone big hurting ~ actually physically hurting or emotionally hurting ~ someone little.</p><p></p><p>Routinely!</p><p></p><p>It's boggling my mind.</p><p></p><p>And I don't feel like forgiving any of them. I feel like taking vengeance. But confrontation will have to do. I see you. <em>I see you back.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Oh, you dirty rat, I see you back.</em></p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p>Make that rats. Oh, you dirty rats.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, that dirty, dirty rat.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know! </p><p></p><p>WTF.</p><p></p><p>And the thing that is bleeding me dry this morning is that they left us vulnerable to the other predators in the world. Like we were wearing neon neckties or something.</p><p></p><p>"Easy prey" flashing on and off and we didn't ever even know it.</p><p></p><p>I just can't believe it.</p><p></p><p>Roar.</p><p></p><p>Dirty rats.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know!!! That is how it is, with me and D H. And husband family. They were always asking whether my mom and sister would be here for the 4th of July. I was always so happy to look normal, like a person with a family, and I always said "Yes!!!"</p><p></p><p>And D H told me later, that was so they would be ready. They are decent people. And they came anyway, and isn't that something. And I think they must have loved me enough all these years, but it makes me really sad that I didn't even know who or how I was, how judgmental or contemptuous mixed in with who I am really.</p><p></p><p>Wow.</p><p></p><p>I was a rat, too.</p><p></p><p>That is the hard part. Where am I me, and where am I still my mother/myself.</p><p></p><p>Ah. Salvation: D H family don't care about that stuff. Not a one of them has to be perfect. So neither do I. Yay, me!</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Whew. That was a close one.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657613, member: 17461"] That is a priceless thing for us to know. [I]It never had a thing to do with us, with who or how we are.[/I] WTF, right? It looks like they are spreading love because that is what it would be ~ loving responsibility or loving pleasure or loving nurturing ~ if we were performing the same actions. But I think they do not know deep in the heart kind of loving. I think they only know shallow-water loving. As soon as the water is too deep to see their own reflections in it, they lose interest. That being the case, there is no golden child. There is a golden pawn. That is why the roles can be interchangeable, as they are in my FOO. (Did you see njs' interpretation of the meaning of FOO?!?) :O) So, let us say [I]the[/I] FOO. Where was I going with this. Lost it. I have read about families where only one child is targeted. It was that way in A Child Called It. The sibs were twisted into hurting him, too. That would be worse than the kind of abuse where the mom is so nuts she doesn't much care who she hurts. I always knew what my mother did was wrong, because I had seen her hurt others, hurt or betray friends, hurt animals. If I had not seen those things, it would have been a very hard thing to ever believe in myself, again. I am glad you have your father now; and glad for the love there. That is a miracle, that you have him now, and that he has you. Maybe this is true ~ that the abusers are deeply sick or flawed. I am not so into giving them a free pass into forgiveness, this morning. It's like my sense of fair play has been outraged around all these issues. That's what I see ~ no fair! Someone big hurting ~ actually physically hurting or emotionally hurting ~ someone little. Routinely! It's boggling my mind. And I don't feel like forgiving any of them. I feel like taking vengeance. But confrontation will have to do. I see you. [I]I see you back.[/I] [I]Oh, you dirty rat, I see you back.[/I] Ahem. Make that rats. Oh, you dirty rats. Oh, that dirty, dirty rat. I know! WTF. And the thing that is bleeding me dry this morning is that they left us vulnerable to the other predators in the world. Like we were wearing neon neckties or something. "Easy prey" flashing on and off and we didn't ever even know it. I just can't believe it. Roar. Dirty rats. I know!!! That is how it is, with me and D H. And husband family. They were always asking whether my mom and sister would be here for the 4th of July. I was always so happy to look normal, like a person with a family, and I always said "Yes!!!" And D H told me later, that was so they would be ready. They are decent people. And they came anyway, and isn't that something. And I think they must have loved me enough all these years, but it makes me really sad that I didn't even know who or how I was, how judgmental or contemptuous mixed in with who I am really. Wow. I was a rat, too. That is the hard part. Where am I me, and where am I still my mother/myself. Ah. Salvation: D H family don't care about that stuff. Not a one of them has to be perfect. So neither do I. Yay, me! :O) Whew. That was a close one. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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