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General Discussions
Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657615" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The GoldenChild is the one who makes the parent have the most to brag about and whom the parent most thinks is what he/she would like to be like. In many Jewish families, I am sure not all, being academically gifted is the gold star for being functional and prized and Thing 1 was brilliant. I think that's how he became the GoldenChild. Also he was passive and did not raise his voice or ever challenge his sainted E. So he was obviously her King.</p><p></p><p>The scapegoat is the brave one who calls the family's dysfunction in or acts out the family dysfunction and makes the abuser think of herself/himself. This child is the one that most reminds the abuser of herself and the abuser doesn't care for herself. So she/he is afraid of the scapegoat and what it means to her/him about her own self and issues she has.</p><p></p><p>If there are three kids there is often a lost child who gets no attention at all and I think this may be also very damaging. This child usually tries to keep the peace and is afraid of confrontation and wants attention.</p><p></p><p>And it is this way in thousands of families in the country, heck the world. The dynamics are very similar.</p><p></p><p>Boy, did reading MY story in other people's posts help me get over it.</p><p></p><p>I feel it is best to disconnect from toxic abusers. I did not exactly disconnect, but except for Thing 2, when she was in the mood not to be no contact with me, I did not have much to do with FOO once I was in my 30s. Maybe before that. I could be a good mother without their influence. And my kids were safe from divide and conquer tactics. Which E. did do in the other family. I have no idea how extreme it was, but I didn't want it at all. It might not have been as bad, but I do know that E. had a definite favorite grandchild. It came through loud and clear when she spoke to me. She did not seem to like the boy as much, which is the first time she ever picked a female as a GoldenChild.</p><p></p><p>Ah, well. These stories were told to me in codes and second hand so I am saying right now I may have some things wrong. But you get the idea and so do I.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657615, member: 1550"] The GoldenChild is the one who makes the parent have the most to brag about and whom the parent most thinks is what he/she would like to be like. In many Jewish families, I am sure not all, being academically gifted is the gold star for being functional and prized and Thing 1 was brilliant. I think that's how he became the GoldenChild. Also he was passive and did not raise his voice or ever challenge his sainted E. So he was obviously her King. The scapegoat is the brave one who calls the family's dysfunction in or acts out the family dysfunction and makes the abuser think of herself/himself. This child is the one that most reminds the abuser of herself and the abuser doesn't care for herself. So she/he is afraid of the scapegoat and what it means to her/him about her own self and issues she has. If there are three kids there is often a lost child who gets no attention at all and I think this may be also very damaging. This child usually tries to keep the peace and is afraid of confrontation and wants attention. And it is this way in thousands of families in the country, heck the world. The dynamics are very similar. Boy, did reading MY story in other people's posts help me get over it. I feel it is best to disconnect from toxic abusers. I did not exactly disconnect, but except for Thing 2, when she was in the mood not to be no contact with me, I did not have much to do with FOO once I was in my 30s. Maybe before that. I could be a good mother without their influence. And my kids were safe from divide and conquer tactics. Which E. did do in the other family. I have no idea how extreme it was, but I didn't want it at all. It might not have been as bad, but I do know that E. had a definite favorite grandchild. It came through loud and clear when she spoke to me. She did not seem to like the boy as much, which is the first time she ever picked a female as a GoldenChild. Ah, well. These stories were told to me in codes and second hand so I am saying right now I may have some things wrong. But you get the idea and so do I. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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