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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657642" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>One of my brother's children was born with spina bifida. My mother gloried in all the ways she could "help". Like, she would go with the mother to the doctor, or to the Shriner's Hosital...because the mother was ~ I will say my mother described her as not smart. That is not the word my mother used. In any event, the child lived, and grew up believing her grandmother loved her. And here is the golden child part: Once there was no glory in being the wonderful, smarter than either the mother or the father, compassionate grandmother, my mother dropped this child, now an adult. She did not send a card for her showers or for her wedding, nor did she attend any of those occasions. She began telling the now adult granddaughter "true" things about living with spina bifida. Very cruel true things. And then, once my father was dead, my mother dropped her entirely. I saw a post on FB awhile back from this grandchild of my mother's. And the child, a young married woman now, who will never have children of her own and everything else she is coping with with such strength and generosity and courage, was mourning, was missing, playing Monopoly or Scrabble with this grandmother who still meant so much to her, and whom she somehow suddenly no longer saw.</p><p></p><p>And my mother never responded.</p><p></p><p>So I told my sister about it, and suggested that she make my mother aware of what was happening. (My mother was staying with my sister, when that FB post from her granddaughter appeared.)</p><p></p><p>And no effort was made to contact or comfort the grandchild; the young, now married granddaughter who so missed those times with her grandmother.</p><p></p><p>None.</p><p></p><p>Ever.</p><p></p><p>So, I mentioned it to my mother, that summer.</p><p></p><p>And nothing was done then, either.</p><p></p><p>So that is where I am coming from when I post that I think all these roles are interchangeable, servicing only the abusive parents' (or grandparents') need for that obscene thing we named grandiosity.</p><p></p><p>Doesn't that so suck.</p><p></p><p>This young woman is very well mothered herself, and she and her mother are very close, and her brother has babies she can love, so she is fine. The girl's mother put up with alot from all of my family. But after that incident, when she saw my mother in some public place and my mother started doing what she does, the mother turned her back and walked away.</p><p></p><p>And my mother was so flabbergasted that she told me about it, all in a huff over who so and so thought she was, and what did it matter anyway because she was no one.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>It makes me weak, to think about it, SWOT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657642, member: 17461"] One of my brother's children was born with spina bifida. My mother gloried in all the ways she could "help". Like, she would go with the mother to the doctor, or to the Shriner's Hosital...because the mother was ~ I will say my mother described her as not smart. That is not the word my mother used. In any event, the child lived, and grew up believing her grandmother loved her. And here is the golden child part: Once there was no glory in being the wonderful, smarter than either the mother or the father, compassionate grandmother, my mother dropped this child, now an adult. She did not send a card for her showers or for her wedding, nor did she attend any of those occasions. She began telling the now adult granddaughter "true" things about living with spina bifida. Very cruel true things. And then, once my father was dead, my mother dropped her entirely. I saw a post on FB awhile back from this grandchild of my mother's. And the child, a young married woman now, who will never have children of her own and everything else she is coping with with such strength and generosity and courage, was mourning, was missing, playing Monopoly or Scrabble with this grandmother who still meant so much to her, and whom she somehow suddenly no longer saw. And my mother never responded. So I told my sister about it, and suggested that she make my mother aware of what was happening. (My mother was staying with my sister, when that FB post from her granddaughter appeared.) And no effort was made to contact or comfort the grandchild; the young, now married granddaughter who so missed those times with her grandmother. None. Ever. So, I mentioned it to my mother, that summer. And nothing was done then, either. So that is where I am coming from when I post that I think all these roles are interchangeable, servicing only the abusive parents' (or grandparents') need for that obscene thing we named grandiosity. Doesn't that so suck. This young woman is very well mothered herself, and she and her mother are very close, and her brother has babies she can love, so she is fine. The girl's mother put up with alot from all of my family. But after that incident, when she saw my mother in some public place and my mother started doing what she does, the mother turned her back and walked away. And my mother was so flabbergasted that she told me about it, all in a huff over who so and so thought she was, and what did it matter anyway because she was no one. Cedar It makes me weak, to think about it, SWOT. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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