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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657821" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Well, the thing is we had no way to understand just how different our families of origin are and were than everyone else's. I would know the shame of trying to keep it secret, of not wanting those other little girls to know...to know what I knew, about me.</p><p></p><p>To know who my mother told me I was.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, I feel hatred lash out. This is one of them <em>and I love it.</em></p><p></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>True.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Oh for heaven's sake I am stuck in italics again.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Gaaaa.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Now where was I.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>This is what I know about singing the praises of the mother. D H family do not do that. When we had the abusive mother discussion with our neighbors that time, it was said that only children who have been abused sing the praises of their mothers.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>The rest of us see our mothers as adults that we love, good things and bad things and all things. They, those mothered well, see from their own, adult perspectives.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That is what I am trying to do, too. I can't. Not yet.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>But I will.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And then, I will be free of my mother's crippling hatred.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Otherwise, how would the scapegoat know she was being scapegoated.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>How could the exalted one not take those accolades so freely offered ~ those accolades that contribute to an essential imbalance he will never recover from.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>The Golden will have been taught how to see both himself and the scapegoat. The problem is that both will have been taught to see through the abuser's eyes, and not their own.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>So says Cedar this morning. And you guys know I know everything. Sometimes. Well, once I did. I think it was a Tuesday. That same Tuesday Wimpy was always telling Popeye he would pay for his hamburgers on.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I mean, I know today is Wednesday.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>:O)</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Could it be that the scapegoat has never had to see herself with the grandiosity trained into the Golden from his or her birth? And again, the obscenity there is that all of it, every stinking bit of it, was done at the mother's discretion and insistence.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Gaaaa.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Perhaps that is where and how she was blinded by the mother. Made blind to anything real, and able to see only the way the abusive mother permitted her to see.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And it seems to me that this is exactly what the unhealthy mother wants, forever. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>No healing.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>The best I can do for myself in this time is to understand the patterns if I can. But I think my sibs and I will never have one another in that litter of puppies way my D H and his sibs have one another.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That is so much joy and affirmation and cherishment to miss out on, forever.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I see you, mom. I see you and see you and see you...but I cannot change one thing that you did to us, to all of us.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That is a place of suffering, for me.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Cedar</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Sorry about the italics, SWOT.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657821, member: 17461"] Well, the thing is we had no way to understand just how different our families of origin are and were than everyone else's. I would know the shame of trying to keep it secret, of not wanting those other little girls to know...to know what I knew, about me. To know who my mother told me I was. Sometimes, I feel hatred lash out. This is one of them [I]and I love it.[/I] [I] True. Oh for heaven's sake I am stuck in italics again. Gaaaa. Now where was I. This is what I know about singing the praises of the mother. D H family do not do that. When we had the abusive mother discussion with our neighbors that time, it was said that only children who have been abused sing the praises of their mothers. The rest of us see our mothers as adults that we love, good things and bad things and all things. They, those mothered well, see from their own, adult perspectives. That is what I am trying to do, too. I can't. Not yet. But I will. And then, I will be free of my mother's crippling hatred. Otherwise, how would the scapegoat know she was being scapegoated. How could the exalted one not take those accolades so freely offered ~ those accolades that contribute to an essential imbalance he will never recover from. The Golden will have been taught how to see both himself and the scapegoat. The problem is that both will have been taught to see through the abuser's eyes, and not their own. So says Cedar this morning. And you guys know I know everything. Sometimes. Well, once I did. I think it was a Tuesday. That same Tuesday Wimpy was always telling Popeye he would pay for his hamburgers on. I mean, I know today is Wednesday. :O) Could it be that the scapegoat has never had to see herself with the grandiosity trained into the Golden from his or her birth? And again, the obscenity there is that all of it, every stinking bit of it, was done at the mother's discretion and insistence. Gaaaa. Perhaps that is where and how she was blinded by the mother. Made blind to anything real, and able to see only the way the abusive mother permitted her to see. And it seems to me that this is exactly what the unhealthy mother wants, forever. No healing. The best I can do for myself in this time is to understand the patterns if I can. But I think my sibs and I will never have one another in that litter of puppies way my D H and his sibs have one another. That is so much joy and affirmation and cherishment to miss out on, forever. I see you, mom. I see you and see you and see you...but I cannot change one thing that you did to us, to all of us. That is a place of suffering, for me. Cedar Sorry about the italics, SWOT. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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