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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 657853" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Cedar,</p><p></p><p>Thank you beyond measure for your care. I do not now have the energy to respond, and before I do so want again re-read your post.</p><p></p><p>Have fallen a bit further if it is possible.</p><p></p><p>Making public the death spiral,</p><p>M got testy with me yesterday (things are tense here)</p><p>No stamina</p><p>The reenactment by my son,</p><p>Of the role of my father,</p><p>The central relationships of my life seem to have exploded inside me.</p><p></p><p>Is the truth of the matter that I have always been impaired and the 60 years of functioning life I lived were themselves a lie?</p><p></p><p>How many women or men go to bed...resigning from life...due to pain and despair?</p><p></p><p>Let's make this even more punishing: How many women or men who learned Portuguese and Spanish and Tango and Samba and Salsa at 50 go to bed for years on end? (Let alone work. Have been unable to see their way to work.)</p><p></p><p>Not one if you don't count me.</p><p></p><p>But I count me very much.</p><p></p><p>So, this is my own private game of Truth or Consequences.</p><p></p><p>The question boils down to this one: Is the crime in me or in others? Or can we share?</p><p></p><p>Without a doubt, I am suffering the consequences. The question is where lies the crime.</p><p></p><p>Am I falsely accused, and meriting pardon? And who will step forward to speak for me?</p><p></p><p>My sister has become part of the Innocence Project (in her private moments, she has contempt for those for whom she advocates).</p><p></p><p>And she has her part in the crime having left me alone to deal with everything, attacking me afterwards for my crimes. </p><p></p><p>Another response to horror: run from it. Easier this way to point the figure to those who imperfectly deal.</p><p></p><p>M is my only defender. Unfortunately I have the tendency to run from or attack those that try to stick with me or help me.</p><p></p><p>I guess that comes from having felt cornered and alone my whole life. Too bad.</p><p></p><p>Will grief ever leave me? Or can we negotiate, less grief, this is a plea deal I would accept.</p><p></p><p>We are trying to prepare the house to leave here to follow our plan to establish ourselves in a city far away.</p><p></p><p>I work a day or two...a few hours...Something happens. I go to bed again. And cry.</p><p></p><p>I guess this too can be re-framed.</p><p></p><p>I go to bed to restore myself...in the way that I seem to now require. Integrating is the word, perhaps. I am integrating and reintegrating the past, in order to finish my life.</p><p></p><p>That is all I can do right now.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Cedar.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 657853, member: 18958"] Hi Cedar, Thank you beyond measure for your care. I do not now have the energy to respond, and before I do so want again re-read your post. Have fallen a bit further if it is possible. Making public the death spiral, M got testy with me yesterday (things are tense here) No stamina The reenactment by my son, Of the role of my father, The central relationships of my life seem to have exploded inside me. Is the truth of the matter that I have always been impaired and the 60 years of functioning life I lived were themselves a lie? How many women or men go to bed...resigning from life...due to pain and despair? Let's make this even more punishing: How many women or men who learned Portuguese and Spanish and Tango and Samba and Salsa at 50 go to bed for years on end? (Let alone work. Have been unable to see their way to work.) Not one if you don't count me. But I count me very much. So, this is my own private game of Truth or Consequences. The question boils down to this one: Is the crime in me or in others? Or can we share? Without a doubt, I am suffering the consequences. The question is where lies the crime. Am I falsely accused, and meriting pardon? And who will step forward to speak for me? My sister has become part of the Innocence Project (in her private moments, she has contempt for those for whom she advocates). And she has her part in the crime having left me alone to deal with everything, attacking me afterwards for my crimes. Another response to horror: run from it. Easier this way to point the figure to those who imperfectly deal. M is my only defender. Unfortunately I have the tendency to run from or attack those that try to stick with me or help me. I guess that comes from having felt cornered and alone my whole life. Too bad. Will grief ever leave me? Or can we negotiate, less grief, this is a plea deal I would accept. We are trying to prepare the house to leave here to follow our plan to establish ourselves in a city far away. I work a day or two...a few hours...Something happens. I go to bed again. And cry. I guess this too can be re-framed. I go to bed to restore myself...in the way that I seem to now require. Integrating is the word, perhaps. I am integrating and reintegrating the past, in order to finish my life. That is all I can do right now. Thank you Cedar. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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