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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657955" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Something to consider, maybe. Could it be that your mother began screaming again during your visits because you were the one who would suffer with her? The only one who loved her enough to hear her suffer and take it seriously? Witnessing means everything, when we are wordless with the pain of it. To have someone to hear us, to suffer with us, to take it seriously.</p><p></p><p>To be heard, in our suffering.</p><p></p><p>That is a gift beyond value that you gave to your mother, when seen in this way, Copa.</p><p></p><p>Without...if I were not trying to put the pieces together here, for <em>my </em>witnesses, I could only name the feelings in poetry that no one would see, Copa and SWOT.</p><p></p><p>That I have a witness.</p><p></p><p>That changes everything; makes it something I can name and define and make sense of.</p><p></p><p>That could be what your mother was doing, when she began screaming when you were there to see and to comfort her, Copa.</p><p></p><p>And you stayed, and you listened and you validated her presence and her reality and her suffering and her pain.</p><p></p><p>And maybe, because you gave her that gift beyond valuing, your mother was able to feel real, again. Facility staff do not hear suffering. They hear "So and so in bed 364 screamed through the shift so I gave xyz medication and now, she is quiet."</p><p></p><p>No witness to the pain beneath the screaming and screaming.</p><p></p><p>I wonder if that could be it, Copa.</p><p></p><p>If that could be why your mother screamed in your presence.</p><p></p><p>So hard a thing for you, Copa.</p><p></p><p><em>But you stood, and you heard her suffer, and you validated her suffering; and you took action.</em></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657955, member: 17461"] Something to consider, maybe. Could it be that your mother began screaming again during your visits because you were the one who would suffer with her? The only one who loved her enough to hear her suffer and take it seriously? Witnessing means everything, when we are wordless with the pain of it. To have someone to hear us, to suffer with us, to take it seriously. To be heard, in our suffering. That is a gift beyond value that you gave to your mother, when seen in this way, Copa. Without...if I were not trying to put the pieces together here, for [I]my [/I]witnesses, I could only name the feelings in poetry that no one would see, Copa and SWOT. That I have a witness. That changes everything; makes it something I can name and define and make sense of. That could be what your mother was doing, when she began screaming when you were there to see and to comfort her, Copa. And you stayed, and you listened and you validated her presence and her reality and her suffering and her pain. And maybe, because you gave her that gift beyond valuing, your mother was able to feel real, again. Facility staff do not hear suffering. They hear "So and so in bed 364 screamed through the shift so I gave xyz medication and now, she is quiet." No witness to the pain beneath the screaming and screaming. I wonder if that could be it, Copa. If that could be why your mother screamed in your presence. So hard a thing for you, Copa. [I]But you stood, and you heard her suffer, and you validated her suffering; and you took action.[/I] Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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