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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 658081" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa, this happens often. However, you have good reason to detch from your son. The actual words that you'd be done with him concern me. No child deserves to be disowned. It is a pain you never forget. Low contact. Protecting yourself, yes. But to forget he is your child?Please don't go that far. He already has abandonment issues due to being adopted. All adopted kids have those feelings in the backs of their minds.</p><p></p><p>It's a personal opinion and could be wrong, but I don't believe in disowning people unless they make it clear that's what they want. It is too hurtful. And i do think if our dead parents are driving our behavior in any way, its time to get professional help. It was time for ME to get a new psychologist who can teach me how to let go and treat PTSD from my past. It was time to stop torturing me. I have currently learned how to relax the minute the stress starts up and E. and Thing 1 and 2 talk in my head. IT HAS REALLY CALMED ME DOWN!</p><p></p><p>I never thought I'd learn the skill, but I AM LEARNING. Am I perfect with it? No. Will I ever be? Probably not. But I am so much calmer and happier and am letting them all go; the memories are not real. Memories are the past. They no longer exist. They are no longer our reality (I read this in a Trish Braham book, I think).</p><p></p><p>Yes, there are creepy therapists. But they work for us so we can fire them and find a good one and a good one is gold. You do not mention seeing one ever and my layman's and none-of-my-business recommendation is that you are so nonfunctional with staying in bed for days and maybe not being able to keep your relationship together and so guilty for no reason at all over your mother that good (emphasis good) therapy would help you. Without therapy I'd be in bed roo, every day, maybe I'd have committed suicide with my depression issues. Good therapists, in my opinion, know cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectal behavioral therapy and look for solutions, not just jabbering about the past. That never helped me, at least. Not by itself. Of course, the topic came up...</p><p></p><p>Copa, it's time you took good care of yourself and that includes learning coping skills to get rid of your mother and the unreasonable guilt you feel over her death. As you grown and get perspective, you will think differently about your son too. And M. And yourself, most importantly of all.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you are getting help. If you are not, you are not tending to yourself or nurturing yourself. You are allowing your past and present to destroy your chances of happiness. Working too much can be a ploy that many of us use to push the bad thoughts in back of our head, but if we don't deal with them, they never really go away. What did you ever do to deserve the curse of your tormented past and present?</p><p></p><p>I hope you start putting yourself first, but not in a selfish way...in a way that heals you by getting the best help for yourself that you can. This can also include a nutritionist, Yogi classes, kickboxing, meditation...you need help walking over that hill, which sometimes seems like a mountain. And nobody is strong enough to do it alone.</p><p></p><p>If your father abused you and you connect your father with your son, it is time for help. That is called a trigger. We all have them. Because the fact is, your son may have problems and be very rude at times, but he is not your father. He is a trigger. His behavior is a trigger. I have many triggers too.</p><p></p><p>Blessings on your poor hurting heart and hoping you start to do the things you need to do to heal. Life is short. Why waste it in agony?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 658081, member: 1550"] Copa, this happens often. However, you have good reason to detch from your son. The actual words that you'd be done with him concern me. No child deserves to be disowned. It is a pain you never forget. Low contact. Protecting yourself, yes. But to forget he is your child?Please don't go that far. He already has abandonment issues due to being adopted. All adopted kids have those feelings in the backs of their minds. It's a personal opinion and could be wrong, but I don't believe in disowning people unless they make it clear that's what they want. It is too hurtful. And i do think if our dead parents are driving our behavior in any way, its time to get professional help. It was time for ME to get a new psychologist who can teach me how to let go and treat PTSD from my past. It was time to stop torturing me. I have currently learned how to relax the minute the stress starts up and E. and Thing 1 and 2 talk in my head. IT HAS REALLY CALMED ME DOWN! I never thought I'd learn the skill, but I AM LEARNING. Am I perfect with it? No. Will I ever be? Probably not. But I am so much calmer and happier and am letting them all go; the memories are not real. Memories are the past. They no longer exist. They are no longer our reality (I read this in a Trish Braham book, I think). Yes, there are creepy therapists. But they work for us so we can fire them and find a good one and a good one is gold. You do not mention seeing one ever and my layman's and none-of-my-business recommendation is that you are so nonfunctional with staying in bed for days and maybe not being able to keep your relationship together and so guilty for no reason at all over your mother that good (emphasis good) therapy would help you. Without therapy I'd be in bed roo, every day, maybe I'd have committed suicide with my depression issues. Good therapists, in my opinion, know cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectal behavioral therapy and look for solutions, not just jabbering about the past. That never helped me, at least. Not by itself. Of course, the topic came up... Copa, it's time you took good care of yourself and that includes learning coping skills to get rid of your mother and the unreasonable guilt you feel over her death. As you grown and get perspective, you will think differently about your son too. And M. And yourself, most importantly of all. Maybe you are getting help. If you are not, you are not tending to yourself or nurturing yourself. You are allowing your past and present to destroy your chances of happiness. Working too much can be a ploy that many of us use to push the bad thoughts in back of our head, but if we don't deal with them, they never really go away. What did you ever do to deserve the curse of your tormented past and present? I hope you start putting yourself first, but not in a selfish way...in a way that heals you by getting the best help for yourself that you can. This can also include a nutritionist, Yogi classes, kickboxing, meditation...you need help walking over that hill, which sometimes seems like a mountain. And nobody is strong enough to do it alone. If your father abused you and you connect your father with your son, it is time for help. That is called a trigger. We all have them. Because the fact is, your son may have problems and be very rude at times, but he is not your father. He is a trigger. His behavior is a trigger. I have many triggers too. Blessings on your poor hurting heart and hoping you start to do the things you need to do to heal. Life is short. Why waste it in agony? [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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