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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658094" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>(Hi, SWOT! :O)</p><p></p><p>My mother...there was just something not right. She was like, famous, to my kids. You are right in the sense that she drew the air, SWOT. When I was pregnant, she was all suspicious of whether the baby was legitimate. Like, had she been conceived before D H and I were married or did we have to get married ~ that kind of feeling. She said to me once "Just how pregnant are you?"</p><p></p><p>But I don't see how that could matter. D H and I lived with each other for a year before we were married, and I had been trying to be pregnant for some of that time. It was in a time when it didn't matter whether you were married or not. We were married, and I am glad now that we are, but I had no real concept of marriage as something sacred, or as something that mattered, or of husbands as the lovely things they are to have.</p><p></p><p>I learned all that from D H, as he would be the first to tell you.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, then she was all about how babies are nothing special and not to expect her to babysit ever and things in that line. After the baby was born, my mother said she fell in love with her. It was overwhelming in a way. And it left our second child, a son, out of the picture in every smallest way she could manage.</p><p></p><p>She was unimportant to us in those days, my mother.</p><p></p><p>She bought the baby a very nice stroller.</p><p></p><p>But D H mom taught me how to hold her and how to be a mom, and how to face it when I was pregnant again so soon.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p>I had not wanted my mother anywhere near my kids. D H could not wrap his mind around that concept. He did not really know about my mom until after my father died, and my mom had no one to keep her in check.</p><p></p><p>You are very right about this, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>When daughter went into that first treatment, my mother cold shouldered her, predicted a horrible end for her, pretty much accused D H of having molested her sexually ~ man, you name it.</p><p></p><p>But we had D H mom.</p><p></p><p>And so did our daughter, and our son, and they had all the uncles and aunts and cousins and they still do.</p><p></p><p>But you are very right about the horrible evil a bad mother can wreak on her grandchildren and on her daughter, suddenly so vulnerably pregnant, or so vulnerably, kindly maternal.</p><p></p><p>I mean, I knew I had to protect my kids from their grandmother?</p><p></p><p>But they seemed to enjoy her, on those rare occasions I would let her have them over night. One time, she took daughter home to her family, and I allowed that. And at the airport when I picked them up, there was a feeling like, "There's your stupid mother, waving and etc and now our time is over." </p><p></p><p>Like that.</p><p></p><p>But when my mother and I picked my mother's brother up at the airport? It was like...it was a little like that whore feeling, again.</p><p></p><p>So, I think this was a valuable thread for me, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>Thank you. It seems the threads go where they need to. I wish you would post more of your observations regarding your mom and how that all worked.</p><p></p><p>We all are learning from one another.</p><p></p><p>When you guys can get a word in edgewise, I mean.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658094, member: 17461"] Yes. (Hi, SWOT! :O) My mother...there was just something not right. She was like, famous, to my kids. You are right in the sense that she drew the air, SWOT. When I was pregnant, she was all suspicious of whether the baby was legitimate. Like, had she been conceived before D H and I were married or did we have to get married ~ that kind of feeling. She said to me once "Just how pregnant are you?" But I don't see how that could matter. D H and I lived with each other for a year before we were married, and I had been trying to be pregnant for some of that time. It was in a time when it didn't matter whether you were married or not. We were married, and I am glad now that we are, but I had no real concept of marriage as something sacred, or as something that mattered, or of husbands as the lovely things they are to have. I learned all that from D H, as he would be the first to tell you. Anyway, then she was all about how babies are nothing special and not to expect her to babysit ever and things in that line. After the baby was born, my mother said she fell in love with her. It was overwhelming in a way. And it left our second child, a son, out of the picture in every smallest way she could manage. She was unimportant to us in those days, my mother. She bought the baby a very nice stroller. But D H mom taught me how to hold her and how to be a mom, and how to face it when I was pregnant again so soon. *** I had not wanted my mother anywhere near my kids. D H could not wrap his mind around that concept. He did not really know about my mom until after my father died, and my mom had no one to keep her in check. You are very right about this, SWOT. When daughter went into that first treatment, my mother cold shouldered her, predicted a horrible end for her, pretty much accused D H of having molested her sexually ~ man, you name it. But we had D H mom. And so did our daughter, and our son, and they had all the uncles and aunts and cousins and they still do. But you are very right about the horrible evil a bad mother can wreak on her grandchildren and on her daughter, suddenly so vulnerably pregnant, or so vulnerably, kindly maternal. I mean, I knew I had to protect my kids from their grandmother? But they seemed to enjoy her, on those rare occasions I would let her have them over night. One time, she took daughter home to her family, and I allowed that. And at the airport when I picked them up, there was a feeling like, "There's your stupid mother, waving and etc and now our time is over." Like that. But when my mother and I picked my mother's brother up at the airport? It was like...it was a little like that whore feeling, again. So, I think this was a valuable thread for me, SWOT. Thank you. It seems the threads go where they need to. I wish you would post more of your observations regarding your mom and how that all worked. We all are learning from one another. When you guys can get a word in edgewise, I mean. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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