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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658132" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This has to be a classic or numismatic (which I will need to look up, but I think that is what I mean) imagery. We are talking either about gold coins, or about anima/animus stuff. And either imagery would be correct, so we will just let that stand, then. The beautiful mother/female powerful/breathtakingly beautiful/safe and protected. And then, the loneliness, after the mother is gone?</p><p></p><p>That lonely little feeling of not enough? The surprise and gratitude that the mother is beautiful and not hurting us and seems happy with us after all? The realization that she leaves then, and that when she comes back to us, she is disappointed with us again. And then, that sort of fraudulent feeling ~ as though we should have known better than to believe the mother could have been pleased with us.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>So, I intended to go back to read our whole thread. It turns out I will not need to do that, after all. I am letting things gel regarding my mom and my sister. Recalling that hurtful stuff left me feeling like I was in a low energy version of FOG. I could know that is why I felt so strange and vulnerable, but I still feel that way, this morning. Just little things, and I find myself feeling inadequate to them. Like I needed to call a plumber this morning. And I did it of course, but it was like I was embarrassed and felt stupid that I needed a plumber.</p><p></p><p>So, those are the kinds of things that happen to us when we uncover old traumas. I must have felt bare-naked vulnerable when the traumatic things happened in real time.</p><p></p><p>And I feel badly for myself that this was so. I don't even see the courage in doing the right thing ~ which is probably good, because I do want the actual feelings attending these events to be cleared. And that feeling badly for me, for that young mother I was, instead of applauding my courage in having done what I could, or in identifying with the abuser and seeing myself as worth less, or as essentially wrong or fraudulent in a way I could not look at; well, that must mean I am healing the events surrounding that particular set of traumas.</p><p></p><p>So, that is good, then.</p><p></p><p>Just a little fallen apart today is all.</p><p></p><p>On the dream I related? The one about the ice chest and the change of clothes? That is this time. The forbidding supervisor figure is probably a compilation of my mother and my sister. The clothing I will change in to, the clothing that is legitimately mine and that the supervisor figure intends to punish me for having (and which she has confiscated for that purpose) well, that is self concept. I will find legitimacy in, and lay claim to, another facet of self through this work. The scary feeling, the feeling that the supervisor intends to fire me, that I will be fired...normally, a person would do everything in their power to keep their jobs, to prove they did not do the thing for which the supervisor intends to fire them.</p><p></p><p>I did not do that.</p><p></p><p>I said what I said and accepted that I would be fired.</p><p></p><p>But even if she fires me, that does not change the fact that those are my clothes.</p><p></p><p>Whatever she does, whatever my coworkers (other aspects of self?) do or do not do to protect me in their own fear of the supervisor figure, those are still my clothes, in that ice chest.</p><p></p><p>So, that's good, then.</p><p></p><p>Later, we will go back and save them, too. Both the coworkers and the clothes.</p><p></p><p>Because the supervisor figure will no longer exist. She will be an incorporated part of me.</p><p>Remember when I posted that scary thing about our enemies being not defeated, but devoured? That must be what I meant.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>This is working for me, what we are doing, here.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are stronger now. It seems to me that part of you is demanding reclamation of the parts of you that were devoted to protecting you from the hurt of this thing that happened that you could neither face nor figure out. Really, the mother needs a good, swift, posthumous kick in the pants.</p><p></p><p>And you are about to give it to her.</p><p></p><p>If you have an extra minute, SWOT...could you run over and give my mom and my sister a kick in the pants, too?</p><p></p><p>As long as you are in an a** kicking mood, I mean.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***THIS IS THE PART WHERE I HEAL***</p><p></p><p>Also, I've just realized that I am not throwing either my mother or my sister out of my life. What I am doing is changing how I see them. This will mean I speak very differently to them in future. That is a changing insight that means everything. I was horrifying myself with who it made me if I were the kind of person who justified condemning and turning away from and hating someone enough, whether I were willing to acknowledge that anger and hatred consciously or not, to...to sort of make them dead to me.</p><p></p><p>That was the thing I could not find my way out of.</p><p></p><p>That is why I posted about the validity, about the probable rightness, of my sister's unspoken contention that she is committed to loving my mother back to health. My sister was correct in telling me she had learned that concept from me.</p><p></p><p>But especially since my father died, my mother's take on things, and probably my sister's take on things too, have dominated the family dynamic.</p><p></p><p>Copa is correct in her assessment of my family's dysfunction being something more pointed and wicked and determinedly wrong than can be loved away or accepted away or excused and forgiven away.</p><p></p><p>So.</p><p></p><p>I may not need to reread the thread, after all.</p><p></p><p>I may be done, here.</p><p></p><p>Thank you both, SWOT and Copa.</p><p></p><p>I will be checking the thread many times daily so I can be there for you as you have been, for me.</p><p></p><p>Your presence, your bearing witness for me, made this possible.</p><p></p><p>So, that's good, then.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658132, member: 17461"] This has to be a classic or numismatic (which I will need to look up, but I think that is what I mean) imagery. We are talking either about gold coins, or about anima/animus stuff. And either imagery would be correct, so we will just let that stand, then. The beautiful mother/female powerful/breathtakingly beautiful/safe and protected. And then, the loneliness, after the mother is gone? That lonely little feeling of not enough? The surprise and gratitude that the mother is beautiful and not hurting us and seems happy with us after all? The realization that she leaves then, and that when she comes back to us, she is disappointed with us again. And then, that sort of fraudulent feeling ~ as though we should have known better than to believe the mother could have been pleased with us. ? *** So, I intended to go back to read our whole thread. It turns out I will not need to do that, after all. I am letting things gel regarding my mom and my sister. Recalling that hurtful stuff left me feeling like I was in a low energy version of FOG. I could know that is why I felt so strange and vulnerable, but I still feel that way, this morning. Just little things, and I find myself feeling inadequate to them. Like I needed to call a plumber this morning. And I did it of course, but it was like I was embarrassed and felt stupid that I needed a plumber. So, those are the kinds of things that happen to us when we uncover old traumas. I must have felt bare-naked vulnerable when the traumatic things happened in real time. And I feel badly for myself that this was so. I don't even see the courage in doing the right thing ~ which is probably good, because I do want the actual feelings attending these events to be cleared. And that feeling badly for me, for that young mother I was, instead of applauding my courage in having done what I could, or in identifying with the abuser and seeing myself as worth less, or as essentially wrong or fraudulent in a way I could not look at; well, that must mean I am healing the events surrounding that particular set of traumas. So, that is good, then. Just a little fallen apart today is all. On the dream I related? The one about the ice chest and the change of clothes? That is this time. The forbidding supervisor figure is probably a compilation of my mother and my sister. The clothing I will change in to, the clothing that is legitimately mine and that the supervisor figure intends to punish me for having (and which she has confiscated for that purpose) well, that is self concept. I will find legitimacy in, and lay claim to, another facet of self through this work. The scary feeling, the feeling that the supervisor intends to fire me, that I will be fired...normally, a person would do everything in their power to keep their jobs, to prove they did not do the thing for which the supervisor intends to fire them. I did not do that. I said what I said and accepted that I would be fired. But even if she fires me, that does not change the fact that those are my clothes. Whatever she does, whatever my coworkers (other aspects of self?) do or do not do to protect me in their own fear of the supervisor figure, those are still my clothes, in that ice chest. So, that's good, then. Later, we will go back and save them, too. Both the coworkers and the clothes. Because the supervisor figure will no longer exist. She will be an incorporated part of me. Remember when I posted that scary thing about our enemies being not defeated, but devoured? That must be what I meant. *** This is working for me, what we are doing, here. Thank you. You are stronger now. It seems to me that part of you is demanding reclamation of the parts of you that were devoted to protecting you from the hurt of this thing that happened that you could neither face nor figure out. Really, the mother needs a good, swift, posthumous kick in the pants. And you are about to give it to her. If you have an extra minute, SWOT...could you run over and give my mom and my sister a kick in the pants, too? As long as you are in an a** kicking mood, I mean. :O) ***THIS IS THE PART WHERE I HEAL*** Also, I've just realized that I am not throwing either my mother or my sister out of my life. What I am doing is changing how I see them. This will mean I speak very differently to them in future. That is a changing insight that means everything. I was horrifying myself with who it made me if I were the kind of person who justified condemning and turning away from and hating someone enough, whether I were willing to acknowledge that anger and hatred consciously or not, to...to sort of make them dead to me. That was the thing I could not find my way out of. That is why I posted about the validity, about the probable rightness, of my sister's unspoken contention that she is committed to loving my mother back to health. My sister was correct in telling me she had learned that concept from me. But especially since my father died, my mother's take on things, and probably my sister's take on things too, have dominated the family dynamic. Copa is correct in her assessment of my family's dysfunction being something more pointed and wicked and determinedly wrong than can be loved away or accepted away or excused and forgiven away. So. I may not need to reread the thread, after all. I may be done, here. Thank you both, SWOT and Copa. I will be checking the thread many times daily so I can be there for you as you have been, for me. Your presence, your bearing witness for me, made this possible. So, that's good, then. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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