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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658145" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Well, I could be very wrong about your sister. I don't even know her. But what I think might be true is that our sisters are nothing ~ remotely nothing at all ~ like we convinced ourselves they were. In fact SWOT and Copa, they might be so like our mothers as to be indistinguishable from them. So, it is a possibly true thing that we have been living our lives, and have seen ourselves reflected by, people who were...I don't know. Committed to our destruction or something. Or committed to dominating us, or to gaslighting us. Whatever it was they were committed to, we never had a real sister.</p><p></p><p>Ever.</p><p></p><p>Not even when we were little girls, or when we were adolescents ourselves, or when we were young mothers and we needed a sister and a mother and we never had one, at all.</p><p></p><p>We never did.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>And this cannot possibly be something we could love them out of or accept them deeply enough out of or whatever it is we have been trying to do with them or, just like we tell one another here on the site about our kids? Our sisters (and our mothers too, probably) would be television preachers today, so thoroughly saved we would look like pikers, next to them.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>We are older than they are. Copa, this is true for you too, I believe? Whether our personalities came to us through the hurt of it, or whether we were born more empathic than the average bear, we tend to feel it in our hearts too, when someone else is in pain or even, in great joy. This capacity to feel it in our own hearts when someone is happy, too ~ and not just when someone is sad or has been traumatized ~ this tells us that who we are is a real thing, and is not a response to traumatic happenings when we were too little to have perspective on just who the villain was, around here.</p><p></p><p>So, the answer to why our sisters do what they do is because they do what they do. That is the only answer. We need to be wise, and we need to be wary. And we can do that without thinking twice about it where our sisters or other sibs are concerned because we have already learned to do that where our children are concerned.</p><p></p><p>And we love them more, so that was way harder.</p><p></p><p>It might be hard to see our mothers that way, though.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yup. And though it was hurt that got you started, you helped every one of us here with those articles. You helped me, for sure.</p><p></p><p>Just like you did with the articles on verbally abusive adult children.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That could be the push behind everything now, SWOT. Just like for me, the push was that we would be returning to the area where my mother lives when she is not with my sister, now that my father is gone. And my sister did say, on her last message to me which she knows now that I listen to because she left the one where she sounded so sad and strung out and it was something to do with my mother and it turned out to be a beach visit and not that my mother was dying, or had died, or was intending to die, after all. </p><p></p><p>Where was I going with this.</p><p></p><p>And I picked up and responded.</p><p></p><p>So, my sister left me that last message that she would be here this summer and would see me then. Or whatever she said. Last summer? I told D H I was not coming here to this house at all. I told him I could not face what was, or was not, going on with my mother and I would be staying right where I was, down in that other house in another state altogether, for the summer.</p><p></p><p>Which I didn't get to do, after all.</p><p></p><p>Same thing this year. Just that scared, sick feeling but you don't know why you should be scared because after all you are an adult now. But I have been scared, SWOT. It was just hanging over my head. Like a bucket of sh** in a really bad movie. Or like those buckets of blood they poured all over poor Carrie at the prom in that Stephan King movie.</p><p></p><p>Yah. Just like that, right down to the life Carrie had turning out to be a fraud, because Carrie would always be Carrie and she should have known better than to ever believe she could be who she was, really.</p><p></p><p>Well. I didn't know I was <em>that</em> scared.</p><p></p><p>It's like that Tom Petty song, SWOT. We don't have to live like a refugee.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]5-TBpKGACmw[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>So, yeah. For you, and for me, and probably for you too Copa, there is some time pressure thing happening now. Maybe it is happening because we are healthy enough now to get it that there is a better way to do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658145, member: 17461"] Well, I could be very wrong about your sister. I don't even know her. But what I think might be true is that our sisters are nothing ~ remotely nothing at all ~ like we convinced ourselves they were. In fact SWOT and Copa, they might be so like our mothers as to be indistinguishable from them. So, it is a possibly true thing that we have been living our lives, and have seen ourselves reflected by, people who were...I don't know. Committed to our destruction or something. Or committed to dominating us, or to gaslighting us. Whatever it was they were committed to, we never had a real sister. Ever. Not even when we were little girls, or when we were adolescents ourselves, or when we were young mothers and we needed a sister and a mother and we never had one, at all. We never did. *** And this cannot possibly be something we could love them out of or accept them deeply enough out of or whatever it is we have been trying to do with them or, just like we tell one another here on the site about our kids? Our sisters (and our mothers too, probably) would be television preachers today, so thoroughly saved we would look like pikers, next to them. *** We are older than they are. Copa, this is true for you too, I believe? Whether our personalities came to us through the hurt of it, or whether we were born more empathic than the average bear, we tend to feel it in our hearts too, when someone else is in pain or even, in great joy. This capacity to feel it in our own hearts when someone is happy, too ~ and not just when someone is sad or has been traumatized ~ this tells us that who we are is a real thing, and is not a response to traumatic happenings when we were too little to have perspective on just who the villain was, around here. So, the answer to why our sisters do what they do is because they do what they do. That is the only answer. We need to be wise, and we need to be wary. And we can do that without thinking twice about it where our sisters or other sibs are concerned because we have already learned to do that where our children are concerned. And we love them more, so that was way harder. It might be hard to see our mothers that way, though. *** Yup. And though it was hurt that got you started, you helped every one of us here with those articles. You helped me, for sure. Just like you did with the articles on verbally abusive adult children. That could be the push behind everything now, SWOT. Just like for me, the push was that we would be returning to the area where my mother lives when she is not with my sister, now that my father is gone. And my sister did say, on her last message to me which she knows now that I listen to because she left the one where she sounded so sad and strung out and it was something to do with my mother and it turned out to be a beach visit and not that my mother was dying, or had died, or was intending to die, after all. Where was I going with this. And I picked up and responded. So, my sister left me that last message that she would be here this summer and would see me then. Or whatever she said. Last summer? I told D H I was not coming here to this house at all. I told him I could not face what was, or was not, going on with my mother and I would be staying right where I was, down in that other house in another state altogether, for the summer. Which I didn't get to do, after all. Same thing this year. Just that scared, sick feeling but you don't know why you should be scared because after all you are an adult now. But I have been scared, SWOT. It was just hanging over my head. Like a bucket of sh** in a really bad movie. Or like those buckets of blood they poured all over poor Carrie at the prom in that Stephan King movie. Yah. Just like that, right down to the life Carrie had turning out to be a fraud, because Carrie would always be Carrie and she should have known better than to ever believe she could be who she was, really. Well. I didn't know I was [I]that[/I] scared. It's like that Tom Petty song, SWOT. We don't have to live like a refugee. [MEDIA=youtube]5-TBpKGACmw[/MEDIA] Cedar So, yeah. For you, and for me, and probably for you too Copa, there is some time pressure thing happening now. Maybe it is happening because we are healthy enough now to get it that there is a better way to do this. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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