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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658153" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>For me, I think that feeling has to do with knowing, on some level, that my sister is dangerous to me, and that as long as I refuse to see that ~ as long as I would stubbornly continue to disbelieve that my own sister was chillingly like, sociopathic or something to me, then I would be very, very vulnerable in a situation in which my mother and my sister were allied. Because it seems to me that what my sister wants from me is not relationship with me, but dominance over me.</p><p></p><p>That is what fuels her.</p><p></p><p>I think it is not even exclusivity with the mother.</p><p></p><p>It is not working through childhood times when I might have been prettier or any other thing that she was not, or could not believe herself to be.</p><p></p><p>Dominance.</p><p></p><p>That is what they want.</p><p></p><p>They don't want us gone out of the picture or my sister would have left me alone and so would yours. They want us enslaved, like a captive audience or...or something.</p><p></p><p>I think that because the conflict that came out of the call from my sister had to do with loving and loving my mother into healthy and my perception that I was making them both dead to me, to any future dream of family.</p><p></p><p>It has something to do with that she said that, my sister. That she would have picked that thing, those words. That is the key, is the set point, to my sister for me.</p><p></p><p>It is in that complex thing, somewhere.</p><p></p><p>I am not so clear on this one, yet.</p><p></p><p>It has something to do with that.</p><p></p><p>I was really so afraid of that phone call. </p><p></p><p>Or that visit from one or, a thousand times worse, both of them. </p><p></p><p>If I did not pick up, I had gone from feeling rebellious and defiant and sort of wrong for not picking up, to feeling way cowardly for not picking up, for checking before I answered my own freaking phone to be sure it wasn't my sister.</p><p></p><p>Or worse, my mother.</p><p></p><p>But I think, in a way, that is how we did the best we knew to protect ourselves from people who are up to no good thing at all where we are concerned. It's like some part of us knew that about them, but the part of ourselves in control of how we respond refused to believe what we knew darn well was true.</p><p></p><p>So it was protecting us from making ourselves vulnerable to them. But we refused to believe what we knew so we did not give ourselves words. Only that agitated, fear based hyper-awareness around everything having to do with them.</p><p></p><p>It was never them we were afraid of. It was how we would see ourselves, it was who we would believe ourselves to be, once they got done with us. Whether that would be whatever nefarious complexity my mother and sister have me targeted for, or whether that would be, for you SWOT, a matter of sniggering at your exclusion from the mother's Will from which they were not excluded and you were...it's like you have been replaying the trauma of that exclusion over and over and over in secret, where you can't see and address it.</p><p></p><p>So, here again, we are doing ourselves in, protecting ourselves from what we know and refusing to believe what we know could be true and beating ourselves up for it from both sides of that particular coin.</p><p></p><p>Another clinker.</p><p></p><p>It was never them we were afraid of.</p><p></p><p>It was us.</p><p></p><p>Because we would be the ones to believe those messages come of a toxic shame that should never have been ours, that should never have been hurt into those little girls that we were in the first place. But there was a time we did not know how wrong those things that were done to us were.</p><p></p><p>Now we do.</p><p></p><p>We never have to believe them, again.</p><p></p><p>They were lying the whole time.</p><p></p><p>About every single smallest thing.</p><p></p><p>Huh.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658153, member: 17461"] For me, I think that feeling has to do with knowing, on some level, that my sister is dangerous to me, and that as long as I refuse to see that ~ as long as I would stubbornly continue to disbelieve that my own sister was chillingly like, sociopathic or something to me, then I would be very, very vulnerable in a situation in which my mother and my sister were allied. Because it seems to me that what my sister wants from me is not relationship with me, but dominance over me. That is what fuels her. I think it is not even exclusivity with the mother. It is not working through childhood times when I might have been prettier or any other thing that she was not, or could not believe herself to be. Dominance. That is what they want. They don't want us gone out of the picture or my sister would have left me alone and so would yours. They want us enslaved, like a captive audience or...or something. I think that because the conflict that came out of the call from my sister had to do with loving and loving my mother into healthy and my perception that I was making them both dead to me, to any future dream of family. It has something to do with that she said that, my sister. That she would have picked that thing, those words. That is the key, is the set point, to my sister for me. It is in that complex thing, somewhere. I am not so clear on this one, yet. It has something to do with that. I was really so afraid of that phone call. Or that visit from one or, a thousand times worse, both of them. If I did not pick up, I had gone from feeling rebellious and defiant and sort of wrong for not picking up, to feeling way cowardly for not picking up, for checking before I answered my own freaking phone to be sure it wasn't my sister. Or worse, my mother. But I think, in a way, that is how we did the best we knew to protect ourselves from people who are up to no good thing at all where we are concerned. It's like some part of us knew that about them, but the part of ourselves in control of how we respond refused to believe what we knew darn well was true. So it was protecting us from making ourselves vulnerable to them. But we refused to believe what we knew so we did not give ourselves words. Only that agitated, fear based hyper-awareness around everything having to do with them. It was never them we were afraid of. It was how we would see ourselves, it was who we would believe ourselves to be, once they got done with us. Whether that would be whatever nefarious complexity my mother and sister have me targeted for, or whether that would be, for you SWOT, a matter of sniggering at your exclusion from the mother's Will from which they were not excluded and you were...it's like you have been replaying the trauma of that exclusion over and over and over in secret, where you can't see and address it. So, here again, we are doing ourselves in, protecting ourselves from what we know and refusing to believe what we know could be true and beating ourselves up for it from both sides of that particular coin. Another clinker. It was never them we were afraid of. It was us. Because we would be the ones to believe those messages come of a toxic shame that should never have been ours, that should never have been hurt into those little girls that we were in the first place. But there was a time we did not know how wrong those things that were done to us were. Now we do. We never have to believe them, again. They were lying the whole time. About every single smallest thing. Huh. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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