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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658212" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We were fortunate to find this piece, Copa. It's one of those things so private that it would never occur to a person that her vision of her physical self could possibly have been influenced so negatively by them, too.</p><p></p><p>But we found it. We found something that is there, but that we don't know exactly how to fit in with everything else we are learning about how we were formed.</p><p></p><p>Yet.</p><p></p><p>Good for us.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Depersonalization then, rather than appreciation or recognition of the way the female line traces and reflects and finds honor and gratitude and strength, in itself.</p><p></p><p>Could it be that, or something like that?</p><p></p><p>Depersonalized. That is a good descriptor for how it feels to talk with my sister, now that I do not have that mothering thing, that place where the important thing is to hear their pain and say something helpful or strengthening, going on with her so much. That is why I could say, without rancor or any emotion really, "Why are you calling me?" She was rattling on about my mother and that man, or about her grandchild. (But never her daughter, now that I think about it and isn't that strange.) Anyway, about things that had nothing to do with the lack of relationship, with the months and months that had passed, since I had picked up when she called.</p><p></p><p>Depersonalization.</p><p></p><p>That is a good, descriptive word.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't hurt me though. None of it really hurts me, now. Posting and being heard and seeing the other stories that are as unbelievable and are so similar to my own, has been such a very good thing.</p><p></p><p>I have never been this free, this unemotionally unattached to my sister's every utterance, in all of my life.</p><p></p><p>I was thinking about what this new feeling inside me feels like, this morning. It feels like a hero (a male hero, which never happened to me before) standing under the stars, preparing for the next thing. Not thinking about the last thing. But only about where the journey will take him next. He is young, strong, in his prime. Well muscled. His eyes are blue like mine but his hair is black.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, I like that imagery, Copa. I don't want to hate and think angry things about my sister.</p><p></p><p>That is a good imagery of compassion. Not her mother, but sort of there in the background of things. Not her mother anymore, but not out to destroy her, either.</p><p></p><p>We can be looking at the stars together.</p><p></p><p>But even in this imagery, I cannot help but to see her, smaller and just a little ahead of me...so I can catch her before she hits the ground, if she stumbles.</p><p></p><p>I am okay, with that imagery.</p><p></p><p>Hatred got us all into this mess; only love will take us safely out.</p><p></p><p>And just like it is with our kids too, Copa. What matters is not that they love me back, but that I love them well and strong and solid. They don't even need to know a thing about that secret that I know.</p><p></p><p>And neither does my sister.</p><p></p><p>Joel is on. Check you later, Copa and SWOT.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658212, member: 17461"] We were fortunate to find this piece, Copa. It's one of those things so private that it would never occur to a person that her vision of her physical self could possibly have been influenced so negatively by them, too. But we found it. We found something that is there, but that we don't know exactly how to fit in with everything else we are learning about how we were formed. Yet. Good for us. Depersonalization then, rather than appreciation or recognition of the way the female line traces and reflects and finds honor and gratitude and strength, in itself. Could it be that, or something like that? Depersonalized. That is a good descriptor for how it feels to talk with my sister, now that I do not have that mothering thing, that place where the important thing is to hear their pain and say something helpful or strengthening, going on with her so much. That is why I could say, without rancor or any emotion really, "Why are you calling me?" She was rattling on about my mother and that man, or about her grandchild. (But never her daughter, now that I think about it and isn't that strange.) Anyway, about things that had nothing to do with the lack of relationship, with the months and months that had passed, since I had picked up when she called. Depersonalization. That is a good, descriptive word. It doesn't hurt me though. None of it really hurts me, now. Posting and being heard and seeing the other stories that are as unbelievable and are so similar to my own, has been such a very good thing. I have never been this free, this unemotionally unattached to my sister's every utterance, in all of my life. I was thinking about what this new feeling inside me feels like, this morning. It feels like a hero (a male hero, which never happened to me before) standing under the stars, preparing for the next thing. Not thinking about the last thing. But only about where the journey will take him next. He is young, strong, in his prime. Well muscled. His eyes are blue like mine but his hair is black. Oh, I like that imagery, Copa. I don't want to hate and think angry things about my sister. That is a good imagery of compassion. Not her mother, but sort of there in the background of things. Not her mother anymore, but not out to destroy her, either. We can be looking at the stars together. But even in this imagery, I cannot help but to see her, smaller and just a little ahead of me...so I can catch her before she hits the ground, if she stumbles. I am okay, with that imagery. Hatred got us all into this mess; only love will take us safely out. And just like it is with our kids too, Copa. What matters is not that they love me back, but that I love them well and strong and solid. They don't even need to know a thing about that secret that I know. And neither does my sister. Joel is on. Check you later, Copa and SWOT. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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