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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658292" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>YAY for us Copa. And it may never, never have happened without this site, without this place where we don't have to cram vulnerability into the 45 minute therapeutic hour and go home, crying and naked and vulnerable and raw with things we have no possible way to understand.</p><p></p><p>It isn't just me, Copa. It is you, and me, and SWOT and every one of us, here and elsewhere in our lives, too.</p><p></p><p>We are meant to be whole.</p><p></p><p>All we ever needed to do was get out of our own way.</p><p></p><p>And you are very, very right too Copa, when you say that we don't need to be here in this way that we are today for our healing, for our own coming whole, again.</p><p></p><p>We already did it. It was a question of intent. And now? It is only a question of time.</p><p></p><p>If you can do it Copa, read Charles Williams' Descent Into Hell.</p><p></p><p>That is where I learned these things.</p><p></p><p>Seems he was correct.</p><p></p><p>It's such a beautifully written book, Copa. It will make your heart sing, to read as he writes. He is gone; dead now. But just look how the things he saw, and the writing he did, reached across time and distance and circumstance to heal me.</p><p></p><p>And you.</p><p></p><p>Here Copa, on purpose.</p><p></p><p>Every one of us.</p><p></p><p>If you google him? You will find a site devoted to his writings.</p><p></p><p>He was a compatriot of Tolkien and CS Lewis.</p><p></p><p>Isn't it an amazing thing that I should have come across that book as a young woman. I have read it, all my life.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Because each mother here (or father) knows that true thing, Copa. When we post that we have been where a new parent is, that is what we are saying. We each have those times when someone had the words we could hear, the words that we needed.</p><p></p><p>I am filled with such gratitude that there were words there for you Copa, that you could hear. If I had not posted those words that you needed, one of the others of us would have. That seems to be how it works for all of us, here on this special place we all found, somehow, finally, where we could heal ourselves and our children and our own little places that we find where we do what we can, and believe with all our hearts that the true things we know will be enough. And between all of us, that is what we are doing.</p><p></p><p>You are as valid, as crucial a part of this as we all are, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I read your posts. They are beautiful, strengthening, courageous things. Remember when you wondered about the mother heart in you?</p><p></p><p>There.</p><p></p><p>In your posts Copa.</p><p></p><p>Undeniable proof of a generous and undeniably real and truly right thing.</p><p></p><p>You.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is what my children brought back for me too, Copa. They needed that part of me she taught me was a fraudulent thing, was a thing that belonged to her.</p><p></p><p>I will have to tell my daughter that, and my son ~ one of these days when he is talking to me, when he is all back to himself and can hear me. Something tells me, very strongly, that my daughter already knows this true thing.</p><p></p><p>She is like me and you Copa? With a freaking bullet.</p><p></p><p>There you go. Purpose. So, we just do what is in front of us to do. That is all we ever needed to do, and we did.</p><p></p><p>And we do.</p><p></p><p>So, that's good, then.</p><p></p><p>On we go.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I do know that true thing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know. For me, too. That is how I could say, on that post when you were still so new to us, that I loved you.</p><p></p><p>I do.</p><p></p><p>Love is a powerful thing that we know so little about, now that we all have words.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ha! That is just what D H would say. In English, but with a word or two that isn't exactly right because his native language is Italian.</p><p></p><p>Set a timer next time, Copa. That is what I do. I also lose track of time when I am healing.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are safe and well.</p><p></p><p>And Romy and Dolly and M.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, Copa. There is just something so funny about that imagery of us posting away while the house is burning.</p><p></p><p>Wise and wary, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I have a thing in me that likes self sabotage; that likes me to feel foolish, so I will stop, so I will go back to the older, safer ways of seeing. She is trying to protect me too, of course. So, I speak the word courage to her. And I speak the word time. And I watch for her Copa, in case she should stumble, and cause us both to fall back into contempt.</p><p></p><p>But I still think it was pretty funny that you could be posting away (like I do too!) and the rice was on fire.</p><p></p><p>Yep.</p><p></p><p>I have definitely done that exact thing.</p><p></p><p>That is how I know what M's face looked like.</p><p></p><p>Even in Spanish, that comes across pretty well.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Because we are meant to.</p><p></p><p>Why else would we know that true thing in our hearts? It is just that when we have been hurt, we think we cannot get those good things that we need and deserve and want to taste the joy in, by other than nefarious means. Because, for some of us? The only truth we can hear is that we are criminals.</p><p></p><p>And everyone knows criminals deserve only to be punished; everyone knows ill gotten gains do not taste sweet.</p><p></p><p>But we cannot help our sisters to do that thing we are doing. We can believe they can do it, too.</p><p></p><p>That is all we can do.</p><p></p><p>And wish them well, and believe for them when they cannot.</p><p></p><p>In my case? That believing and all that other good stuff I just wrote? </p><p></p><p>Will have to be done from a distance.</p><p></p><p>Heh.</p><p></p><p>Nonetheless, I will hold a good intention for her, because that is a thing I can do.</p><p></p><p>So I will.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't have even one mansion. But I have been lonely, have felt bereft and deserted and stupidly wrong Copa? In some of the prettiest places imaginable, and with all of my own things, my own beautiful things that I have chosen for myself, around me.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658292, member: 17461"] YAY for us Copa. And it may never, never have happened without this site, without this place where we don't have to cram vulnerability into the 45 minute therapeutic hour and go home, crying and naked and vulnerable and raw with things we have no possible way to understand. It isn't just me, Copa. It is you, and me, and SWOT and every one of us, here and elsewhere in our lives, too. We are meant to be whole. All we ever needed to do was get out of our own way. And you are very, very right too Copa, when you say that we don't need to be here in this way that we are today for our healing, for our own coming whole, again. We already did it. It was a question of intent. And now? It is only a question of time. If you can do it Copa, read Charles Williams' Descent Into Hell. That is where I learned these things. Seems he was correct. It's such a beautifully written book, Copa. It will make your heart sing, to read as he writes. He is gone; dead now. But just look how the things he saw, and the writing he did, reached across time and distance and circumstance to heal me. And you. Here Copa, on purpose. Every one of us. If you google him? You will find a site devoted to his writings. He was a compatriot of Tolkien and CS Lewis. Isn't it an amazing thing that I should have come across that book as a young woman. I have read it, all my life. Because each mother here (or father) knows that true thing, Copa. When we post that we have been where a new parent is, that is what we are saying. We each have those times when someone had the words we could hear, the words that we needed. I am filled with such gratitude that there were words there for you Copa, that you could hear. If I had not posted those words that you needed, one of the others of us would have. That seems to be how it works for all of us, here on this special place we all found, somehow, finally, where we could heal ourselves and our children and our own little places that we find where we do what we can, and believe with all our hearts that the true things we know will be enough. And between all of us, that is what we are doing. You are as valid, as crucial a part of this as we all are, Copa. I read your posts. They are beautiful, strengthening, courageous things. Remember when you wondered about the mother heart in you? There. In your posts Copa. Undeniable proof of a generous and undeniably real and truly right thing. You. That is what my children brought back for me too, Copa. They needed that part of me she taught me was a fraudulent thing, was a thing that belonged to her. I will have to tell my daughter that, and my son ~ one of these days when he is talking to me, when he is all back to himself and can hear me. Something tells me, very strongly, that my daughter already knows this true thing. She is like me and you Copa? With a freaking bullet. There you go. Purpose. So, we just do what is in front of us to do. That is all we ever needed to do, and we did. And we do. So, that's good, then. On we go. I do know that true thing. I know. For me, too. That is how I could say, on that post when you were still so new to us, that I loved you. I do. Love is a powerful thing that we know so little about, now that we all have words. Ha! That is just what D H would say. In English, but with a word or two that isn't exactly right because his native language is Italian. Set a timer next time, Copa. That is what I do. I also lose track of time when I am healing. I am glad you are safe and well. And Romy and Dolly and M. I am sorry, Copa. There is just something so funny about that imagery of us posting away while the house is burning. Wise and wary, Copa. I have a thing in me that likes self sabotage; that likes me to feel foolish, so I will stop, so I will go back to the older, safer ways of seeing. She is trying to protect me too, of course. So, I speak the word courage to her. And I speak the word time. And I watch for her Copa, in case she should stumble, and cause us both to fall back into contempt. But I still think it was pretty funny that you could be posting away (like I do too!) and the rice was on fire. Yep. I have definitely done that exact thing. That is how I know what M's face looked like. Even in Spanish, that comes across pretty well. :O) Because we are meant to. Why else would we know that true thing in our hearts? It is just that when we have been hurt, we think we cannot get those good things that we need and deserve and want to taste the joy in, by other than nefarious means. Because, for some of us? The only truth we can hear is that we are criminals. And everyone knows criminals deserve only to be punished; everyone knows ill gotten gains do not taste sweet. But we cannot help our sisters to do that thing we are doing. We can believe they can do it, too. That is all we can do. And wish them well, and believe for them when they cannot. In my case? That believing and all that other good stuff I just wrote? Will have to be done from a distance. Heh. Nonetheless, I will hold a good intention for her, because that is a thing I can do. So I will. I don't have even one mansion. But I have been lonely, have felt bereft and deserted and stupidly wrong Copa? In some of the prettiest places imaginable, and with all of my own things, my own beautiful things that I have chosen for myself, around me. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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