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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658539" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I don't know why they would snoop like that. A teenage boy might snoop in his sister's diary. But as a teenager, he would have known better but did it, anyway. I snooped in our daughter's diary after things started to go wrong and she was so mad about that. But I didn't feel it was wrong because I am her mother and I needed to know what was happening <em>so I could help her.</em></p><p></p><p><em>And that seems to be the common thread, here. Our sibs seem to be snooping in ways that don't make sense.</em> Even the teenage boy could be excused. Teen boys do all kinds of things they shouldn't but it is more about the sister being female I think, than it is because he wants to know about her in a secret and unsavory way. It's still wrong. Very wrong and how badly you must have felt.</p><p></p><p>Has he ever apologized?</p><p></p><p>Maybe you could write him a letter about how his invasion of your privacy left you feeling vulnerable and exposed and really hurt you. Not to be too dorky here (like that should surprise anyone at this point) but you could tell him you wish your relationship were better, and ask whether he knew how much that hurt you. (Clear it with your therapist first would be a good idea.)</p><p></p><p>Maybe he wonders too what happened, and wishes he could apologize but doesn't know how to begin, so he just turns away. Then, when your sister latches on, he takes her side because he doesn't know what to think about any of it.</p><p></p><p>I get that feeling from my brother. We are actually okay when my sister isn't there. When she is there, it's like he regresses and all he wants to talk about is how I locked them out of the house. And I just always say I'm sorry and etc. What I should say is ~ well, I don't know what to say, or I would have said it.</p><p></p><p>But I do know he only acts like that when my sister is there.</p><p></p><p>And it doesn't matter anyway because no one is talking to me at all anymore.</p><p></p><p>So there's that, then.</p><p></p><p>That's just such a lonely thing, after all we have all been through. I liked what you said on the other thread, SWOT. About what is now being the direct result of what happened when we were all little and doing the best we knew.</p><p></p><p>You said it better.</p><p></p><p>That is why I am putting what you said on the fridge, and not what I said.</p><p></p><p>I have too many words in the things I say.</p><p></p><p>But that is alright.</p><p></p><p>I am only a human person with things wrong with me, too.</p><p></p><p>SWOT? I remember your posting about it, when your book was accepted for publication. You may not see it SWOT, but she could be sick with envy and is responding to that.</p><p></p><p>SWOT?</p><p></p><p>Congratulations on your book publication. I love it that this happened for you. Are you still writing, or did you give it up for a time, like I did?</p><p></p><p>I hope you are still writing SWOT, and so sincerely, I wish you every success.</p><p></p><p>And lots of money, too.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Have you checked into e publishing? Do a little google search on it, SWOT. There are people making lots of money with their writing online. Audiences purchase the e book for $3 or something, and the writer keeps all but fifty cents or whatever. You have to figure out the cover and so on. That is how I am going to do it, once we are finished with FOO things and after the kids have visited. So that will be at some point toward the end of this summer. If I do well? Then I will post it here for all of us to know how to do that. If I do badly? </p><p></p><p>Then I will just keep it to myself.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658539, member: 17461"] I don't know why they would snoop like that. A teenage boy might snoop in his sister's diary. But as a teenager, he would have known better but did it, anyway. I snooped in our daughter's diary after things started to go wrong and she was so mad about that. But I didn't feel it was wrong because I am her mother and I needed to know what was happening [I]so I could help her.[/I] [I]And that seems to be the common thread, here. Our sibs seem to be snooping in ways that don't make sense.[/I] Even the teenage boy could be excused. Teen boys do all kinds of things they shouldn't but it is more about the sister being female I think, than it is because he wants to know about her in a secret and unsavory way. It's still wrong. Very wrong and how badly you must have felt. Has he ever apologized? Maybe you could write him a letter about how his invasion of your privacy left you feeling vulnerable and exposed and really hurt you. Not to be too dorky here (like that should surprise anyone at this point) but you could tell him you wish your relationship were better, and ask whether he knew how much that hurt you. (Clear it with your therapist first would be a good idea.) Maybe he wonders too what happened, and wishes he could apologize but doesn't know how to begin, so he just turns away. Then, when your sister latches on, he takes her side because he doesn't know what to think about any of it. I get that feeling from my brother. We are actually okay when my sister isn't there. When she is there, it's like he regresses and all he wants to talk about is how I locked them out of the house. And I just always say I'm sorry and etc. What I should say is ~ well, I don't know what to say, or I would have said it. But I do know he only acts like that when my sister is there. And it doesn't matter anyway because no one is talking to me at all anymore. So there's that, then. That's just such a lonely thing, after all we have all been through. I liked what you said on the other thread, SWOT. About what is now being the direct result of what happened when we were all little and doing the best we knew. You said it better. That is why I am putting what you said on the fridge, and not what I said. I have too many words in the things I say. But that is alright. I am only a human person with things wrong with me, too. SWOT? I remember your posting about it, when your book was accepted for publication. You may not see it SWOT, but she could be sick with envy and is responding to that. SWOT? Congratulations on your book publication. I love it that this happened for you. Are you still writing, or did you give it up for a time, like I did? I hope you are still writing SWOT, and so sincerely, I wish you every success. And lots of money, too. *** Have you checked into e publishing? Do a little google search on it, SWOT. There are people making lots of money with their writing online. Audiences purchase the e book for $3 or something, and the writer keeps all but fifty cents or whatever. You have to figure out the cover and so on. That is how I am going to do it, once we are finished with FOO things and after the kids have visited. So that will be at some point toward the end of this summer. If I do well? Then I will post it here for all of us to know how to do that. If I do badly? Then I will just keep it to myself. :O) [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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