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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 658653" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks, Cedar <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I've actually already read that, but it was good to read it again.</p><p></p><p>You know, this new psychologist is not the first one who brought up that I had symptoms of trauma (they did not call it PTSD). But all along I have been told that my childhold was traumatic. So I knew it. But I didn't know how to handle it.</p><p></p><p>I had a boyfriend after my first divorce. I think people come into our lives for reasons and this one must have come into it to teach me about detaching because the relationship was not going to go anywhere. This was right after my grandmother died and left $5000 to my biological son and didn't leave anything to my other two children. My mother was going ballistic because I wouldn't do it. This was the beginning of her worst abuse and final cut. I was telling this man about her and this incident and how it was upsetting me, but how I refused to do the old "I love you best" thang that went on in my family of origin. He told me that he wouldn't talk to her anymore for being so cruel.</p><p></p><p>It was a brand new idea to me. I was shocked. "But...she's my MOTHER."</p><p>He said it didn't matter. That he would do it to his mother if she was cruel to him. That he didn't need mean people in his life, no matter who they were. That he didn't talk to his sister.</p><p>Well, that made me think. Even though it was done to me by my mother and sister, it did not occur to me that *I* could cut out anyone from my own family. You just didint' do that. And if they (my family) did it, it was only because I was either so very horrible and nonredeemable or because they were. I still had my mother's tapes in my head about how I was worthless.</p><p></p><p>We live and learn.</p><p></p><p>For me, the only solution to not having little people renting space in my head is to blot out all reminders that they exist. Then, even if I talk about them, it is almost like talking about strangers. I can't cheat either. No social media peeping or going to that other forum. Then I stop caring.</p><p></p><p>But, boy, it took a long time to learn.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, why do you still engage with your mother and sister? Obligation? Guilt?</p><p></p><p>C1--doing well!</p><p>C2-=nothing</p><p>C3--Difficult Child at one time</p><p>C4--nothing</p><p>C5-nothing</p><p>C6-Difficult Child on his own</p><p></p><p>Read more: <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/what-is-a-lie.60424/page-2#ixzz3cHsutOcB" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/what-is-a-lie.60424/page-2#ixzz3cHsutOcB</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 658653, member: 1550"] Thanks, Cedar :) I've actually already read that, but it was good to read it again. You know, this new psychologist is not the first one who brought up that I had symptoms of trauma (they did not call it PTSD). But all along I have been told that my childhold was traumatic. So I knew it. But I didn't know how to handle it. I had a boyfriend after my first divorce. I think people come into our lives for reasons and this one must have come into it to teach me about detaching because the relationship was not going to go anywhere. This was right after my grandmother died and left $5000 to my biological son and didn't leave anything to my other two children. My mother was going ballistic because I wouldn't do it. This was the beginning of her worst abuse and final cut. I was telling this man about her and this incident and how it was upsetting me, but how I refused to do the old "I love you best" thang that went on in my family of origin. He told me that he wouldn't talk to her anymore for being so cruel. It was a brand new idea to me. I was shocked. "But...she's my MOTHER." He said it didn't matter. That he would do it to his mother if she was cruel to him. That he didn't need mean people in his life, no matter who they were. That he didn't talk to his sister. Well, that made me think. Even though it was done to me by my mother and sister, it did not occur to me that *I* could cut out anyone from my own family. You just didint' do that. And if they (my family) did it, it was only because I was either so very horrible and nonredeemable or because they were. I still had my mother's tapes in my head about how I was worthless. We live and learn. For me, the only solution to not having little people renting space in my head is to blot out all reminders that they exist. Then, even if I talk about them, it is almost like talking about strangers. I can't cheat either. No social media peeping or going to that other forum. Then I stop caring. But, boy, it took a long time to learn. Cedar, why do you still engage with your mother and sister? Obligation? Guilt? C1--doing well! C2-=nothing C3--Difficult Child at one time C4--nothing C5-nothing C6-Difficult Child on his own Read more: [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/what-is-a-lie.60424/page-2#ixzz3cHsutOcB[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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