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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658659" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>It is a hard thing to see it, though.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, I don't know. I am not talking to them because even I could see, after like, the first two years or so, that they (my mom and my sister, both) were being jerky. I saw it over the issue of exclusion, when my sister would not keep contact with my brother. And I brought it up to both of them, and my sister got so mad and my mother gave whatever that huge tool was, that had been my father's, to a stranger when my brother stood up to her about the way she was treating his grands and requiring that everyone accept that and fawn on the golden grand. And the condition, to the stranger, was that he cold have the whatever it was free, but it had to be gone out of the garage, <em>that very day</em>. And then, when my brother came to help my mother with her lawn, or to check or repair her car or remodel her home ~ and he does all those things ~ and whatever he was there for that day, she sent him into the garage to be sure he would know what she did to him.</p><p></p><p>Because the thing, whatever it was ~ something big having to do with re-rimming tires or something ~ was gone, like you blink your eyes and this impossibly big thing is just disappeared.</p><p></p><p>And that was a thing of his father's, and he should have had that thing once she was finally dead and assuming my sister had not figured out some way to lay claim to, and move it.</p><p></p><p>My mother told me this story, SWOT and Copa.</p><p></p><p>So, killing two birds with one stone, maybe? A warning of some kind that she could do that, could reach in and destroy something irreplaceable, something having to do with family, and with dead fathers, and with memory and legitimacy and the courage to not ever dare to stand up to her in any way.</p><p></p><p>And I just can hardly believe it.</p><p></p><p>I can hardly believe these things happened to me.</p><p></p><p>Because what she did to my brother hurt me in my heart, to. It was a little like that time when I was little, and I saw what I saw, and after that? He was not real in the same way to me, ever again.</p><p></p><p>There is a technical term for that, but I can't think what it is, right now. Something to do with dissociative states.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That makes sense. In that way of always thinking about that family dinner I am always posting about. That was the representation of the hope that we would do this, that we would be the family I am so determined to have. Perhaps that is the imagery I need to work with, then. Determined exclusion of them from that imagery of completion and wholeness.</p><p></p><p>It is an honor to be invited to my table, not a given.</p><p></p><p>They have atrocious table manners anyway. Eating ice cream out of the carton all together, like they are Hawaaians crouched around a fire scooping poi out of a hollowed out coconut shell with spit all over their fingers and they don't even care.</p><p></p><p>Sharp teeth.</p><p></p><p>Needle sharp, those dirty, dirty rats.</p><p></p><p>Roar.</p><p></p><p>Strong like the bull.</p><p></p><p>No more running-away, super clever Conduct Disorders motorcycle, for me.</p><p></p><p>Eye of the Tiger.</p><p></p><p>Not "lust of vengeance" but "revenge is a dish best eaten cold".</p><p></p><p>Okay. So I get it that this imagery is a defense mechanism. But it's pretty good imagery, and very different imagery indeed than my usual defense mechanism imagery.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I hope that happens for me, too. I am in the "I can't believe it" phase, maybe.</p><p></p><p>But I am staying present to it, working out how to be with it, how to be with what is. The "revenge is a dish best eaten cold" part bothers me. It seems so wrong <em>when our deepest hope is that this can be successfully resolved.</em></p><p></p><p>That cannot be my hope, anymore.</p><p></p><p>And like you SWOT, I cannot cheat, either.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>So, Copa, where and how are you, this morning?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658659, member: 17461"] Yes. It is a hard thing to see it, though. Well, I don't know. I am not talking to them because even I could see, after like, the first two years or so, that they (my mom and my sister, both) were being jerky. I saw it over the issue of exclusion, when my sister would not keep contact with my brother. And I brought it up to both of them, and my sister got so mad and my mother gave whatever that huge tool was, that had been my father's, to a stranger when my brother stood up to her about the way she was treating his grands and requiring that everyone accept that and fawn on the golden grand. And the condition, to the stranger, was that he cold have the whatever it was free, but it had to be gone out of the garage, [I]that very day[/I]. And then, when my brother came to help my mother with her lawn, or to check or repair her car or remodel her home ~ and he does all those things ~ and whatever he was there for that day, she sent him into the garage to be sure he would know what she did to him. Because the thing, whatever it was ~ something big having to do with re-rimming tires or something ~ was gone, like you blink your eyes and this impossibly big thing is just disappeared. And that was a thing of his father's, and he should have had that thing once she was finally dead and assuming my sister had not figured out some way to lay claim to, and move it. My mother told me this story, SWOT and Copa. So, killing two birds with one stone, maybe? A warning of some kind that she could do that, could reach in and destroy something irreplaceable, something having to do with family, and with dead fathers, and with memory and legitimacy and the courage to not ever dare to stand up to her in any way. And I just can hardly believe it. I can hardly believe these things happened to me. Because what she did to my brother hurt me in my heart, to. It was a little like that time when I was little, and I saw what I saw, and after that? He was not real in the same way to me, ever again. There is a technical term for that, but I can't think what it is, right now. Something to do with dissociative states. That makes sense. In that way of always thinking about that family dinner I am always posting about. That was the representation of the hope that we would do this, that we would be the family I am so determined to have. Perhaps that is the imagery I need to work with, then. Determined exclusion of them from that imagery of completion and wholeness. It is an honor to be invited to my table, not a given. They have atrocious table manners anyway. Eating ice cream out of the carton all together, like they are Hawaaians crouched around a fire scooping poi out of a hollowed out coconut shell with spit all over their fingers and they don't even care. Sharp teeth. Needle sharp, those dirty, dirty rats. Roar. Strong like the bull. No more running-away, super clever Conduct Disorders motorcycle, for me. Eye of the Tiger. Not "lust of vengeance" but "revenge is a dish best eaten cold". Okay. So I get it that this imagery is a defense mechanism. But it's pretty good imagery, and very different imagery indeed than my usual defense mechanism imagery. :O) I hope that happens for me, too. I am in the "I can't believe it" phase, maybe. But I am staying present to it, working out how to be with it, how to be with what is. The "revenge is a dish best eaten cold" part bothers me. It seems so wrong [I]when our deepest hope is that this can be successfully resolved.[/I] That cannot be my hope, anymore. And like you SWOT, I cannot cheat, either. *** So, Copa, where and how are you, this morning? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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