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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660208" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I used to ask him, "Have you learned from me?" And he would say, yes. But I do not think he learned what I hoped he would. I stayed with him so long for him, not for myself. Because I knew he was broken. Even as his world saw him as a great success, a great man, I knew him to be broken.</p><p></p><p>I know this sounds nuts. But it has some truth.</p><p></p><p>I knew always that it was him. My job since small was to care for those who needed it, up to giving my life. Which is what unfortunately I did, for him.</p><p></p><p>I think he felt I had had too many losses before, and could not sustain another. By telling me to leave to find other treatment, that he could not help me, would hurt me, too much. I believe he thought. I believe now he was protecting himself. And I do not know why.</p><p></p><p>I would have survived. But I needed a family and he was all I had for years. In time I will make peace with it. And perhaps understand, better.</p><p>Cedar, what did they reject about your husband? His strength? The fact that he is incorruptible? His loyalty to you? His insistence on protecting you? Was it prejudice? </p><p></p><p>And what is it that makes your sister hate the Greek Orthodox Priest? Does your mother have money that your sister fears will go to him? Does she fear losing control? Or is it jealousy and insecurity, only?</p><p></p><p>I mean, give me a break. What could be worth it really?</p><p>That is true.</p><p>My son called a bit ago. He is freaked out about the Greek Default which I had not heard about, convinced that by August the end of the world as we know it will come.</p><p></p><p><em>I stayed calm. </em>I told him, a lot of people are concerned about a lot of things. And explained the theory of long-wave cycles in economic theory. But they do not freak out about it, and literally stop living their lives. This is what I want for you. That you not freak out about it.</p><p></p><p>Lives need to be led, and selves protected, and lessons learned, despite the fact that the worst thing may come. Or I said something along these lines.</p><p></p><p>And he said, I want to be able to see you guys before I go. Of course, I replied. I really want to see you.</p><p></p><p>And he said, I was hurt because you wouldn't anymore let me stay at the house.</p><p></p><p>I replied, it is hard to explain. I have learned to respect that you will do the right thing for yourself, and to trust you that you will do it. </p><p></p><p>I worry about your health, especially. But I have been wrong not to trust that you will take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p>At the same time I have learned that I must take care of myself too. No matter if it is hard.</p><p></p><p>And I said, I was hurt that you would not tell me where you lived or for a while, not give me your phone number. Imagine what that was like for me. When you did not call. And I did not know how and where you were.</p><p></p><p>When? He asked. The last 6 weeks in particular. Were hard. I did not know where you were or how to find you.</p><p></p><p>It was not vengeance, he said. But I faced that we were not able to have a relationship. Well, maybe a little bit was revenge.</p><p></p><p>You need to understand that when things get bad in August or September that we might not ever be able to see each other again. That transportation will not exist. To get to one another.</p><p></p><p>There will never be a place that I will not get to you and find you. If I have to walk, I will get there. So don't worry about that.</p><p></p><p>And I am thinking about the Runaway Bunny. When I read that book to my son, how much I had wished my mother had loved me that much.</p><p></p><p>And how grateful I am now that I was able to be that mother for my son. And still can be and am.</p><p>That is true. I told my son that. I need you to take care of yourself. To learn from what works and what does not. Not just to be afraid. To learn.</p><p>I know.</p><p>My father bought me a tea set. Long gone. And one for my Mother, too. Part of it is with me, still. I mattered to my father for some time, but at the end he hated and denounced me.</p><p>Thank you, SWOT.</p><p>SWOT, ask your Dad from where his parents came? Maybe we are landsmen, I think they call it. From the same place.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Ladies. For being who you are. And here for me.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660208, member: 18958"] I used to ask him, "Have you learned from me?" And he would say, yes. But I do not think he learned what I hoped he would. I stayed with him so long for him, not for myself. Because I knew he was broken. Even as his world saw him as a great success, a great man, I knew him to be broken. I know this sounds nuts. But it has some truth. I knew always that it was him. My job since small was to care for those who needed it, up to giving my life. Which is what unfortunately I did, for him. I think he felt I had had too many losses before, and could not sustain another. By telling me to leave to find other treatment, that he could not help me, would hurt me, too much. I believe he thought. I believe now he was protecting himself. And I do not know why. I would have survived. But I needed a family and he was all I had for years. In time I will make peace with it. And perhaps understand, better. Cedar, what did they reject about your husband? His strength? The fact that he is incorruptible? His loyalty to you? His insistence on protecting you? Was it prejudice? And what is it that makes your sister hate the Greek Orthodox Priest? Does your mother have money that your sister fears will go to him? Does she fear losing control? Or is it jealousy and insecurity, only? I mean, give me a break. What could be worth it really? That is true. My son called a bit ago. He is freaked out about the Greek Default which I had not heard about, convinced that by August the end of the world as we know it will come. [I]I stayed calm. [/I]I told him, a lot of people are concerned about a lot of things. And explained the theory of long-wave cycles in economic theory. But they do not freak out about it, and literally stop living their lives. This is what I want for you. That you not freak out about it. Lives need to be led, and selves protected, and lessons learned, despite the fact that the worst thing may come. Or I said something along these lines. And he said, I want to be able to see you guys before I go. Of course, I replied. I really want to see you. And he said, I was hurt because you wouldn't anymore let me stay at the house. I replied, it is hard to explain. I have learned to respect that you will do the right thing for yourself, and to trust you that you will do it. I worry about your health, especially. But I have been wrong not to trust that you will take care of yourself. At the same time I have learned that I must take care of myself too. No matter if it is hard. And I said, I was hurt that you would not tell me where you lived or for a while, not give me your phone number. Imagine what that was like for me. When you did not call. And I did not know how and where you were. When? He asked. The last 6 weeks in particular. Were hard. I did not know where you were or how to find you. It was not vengeance, he said. But I faced that we were not able to have a relationship. Well, maybe a little bit was revenge. You need to understand that when things get bad in August or September that we might not ever be able to see each other again. That transportation will not exist. To get to one another. There will never be a place that I will not get to you and find you. If I have to walk, I will get there. So don't worry about that. And I am thinking about the Runaway Bunny. When I read that book to my son, how much I had wished my mother had loved me that much. And how grateful I am now that I was able to be that mother for my son. And still can be and am. That is true. I told my son that. I need you to take care of yourself. To learn from what works and what does not. Not just to be afraid. To learn. I know. My father bought me a tea set. Long gone. And one for my Mother, too. Part of it is with me, still. I mattered to my father for some time, but at the end he hated and denounced me. Thank you, SWOT. SWOT, ask your Dad from where his parents came? Maybe we are landsmen, I think they call it. From the same place. Thank you Ladies. For being who you are. And here for me. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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