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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660599" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Back to Goneboy.</p><p></p><p>Princess says she never knew him, an amazing comment as she did so much with him and spent time with him. He was her big brother and she adored him. Bart, not so much. He didn't pay any attention to her and they have had their problems. But Goneboy she worshipped and he took her to parties and affairs and to visit his friends and all of his girlfriends before his current wife tried very hard to get on her good side because he talked well about Princess to the point that the women felt that if she didn't like them, he would dump them. He was and still is a VERY good looking man. I know the stereotypical Asian is seen as not good looking, but that is so untrue. And Goneboy was and is extremely handsome so, shy or not, he had a few girlfriends and they played up to Princess.</p><p></p><p>Goneboy's current wife was very dominant, easy to do to him, and she wanted him to herself. She was not young...mid thirties, but she would plop herself on his lap in front of all of us and I kind of thought it was a bit inappropriate. She would hug him tightly like s he was marking him as hers. Jumper did that with her boyfriends, but she was so young. I just...I don't know. It was odd to do that in front of your future mother-in-law unless you didn't care about the impression you made. I barely knew her. He shortly thereafter asked Princess to give back the emergency key she had had to his house and talked about how things were going to change because he was getting married a nd the bible says the wife comes first. No way to argue that. It was fine. It was planning for the wedding where things got a bit touchy and he was pulling back in leaps and bounds. </p><p></p><p>Exactly why or who initiated it, him or her? Nobody knows, not Princess for sure. She would call me and cry because Goneboy wouldn't talk to her when she called. That started it. But mistakes were made on my part here. I am not sure it could have gone any differently, but we were all so puzzled that it didn't go differently as we tried to find out what was wrong and he did not want to talk to us about it or anything. </p><p></p><p>After the wedding, that was it. He didn't even talk to ex for three years. We don't know why. And ex doesn't k now why they started talking to him again, although it is on a limited basis and on his terms only. Maybe it is because they go to the same church and church is extremely important to Goneboy. But that is just a guess. Nobody will ever know. Nobody ever knew him. Princess says the young boy with the friendly smile who charmed everyone was not who he is/was. But she doesn't know who he is/was.</p><p></p><p>I asked her if they ever talked about the family. She replied that he only talked about his interests and showed her things he did or took her to places where he wanted to go. He never asked about her. He never talked about anyone except himself. I didn't know this until she told me yesterday. She did not say it in a mean way. Nothing she said was spoken in a mean way. "It was just all about him," she said, with a shrug. </p><p></p><p>Attachment problems. He did know about them because we spoke of them and he knew what they were, although he did not share what he thought about that. </p><p></p><p>I do know he wanted to become very wealthy and without him saying a nything about why that was, I know it was to show everyone that he was a worthwhile person, not an orphan. He certainly achieved extreme financial success. He has his own company, a house with underground pool, and his older child is in a very exclusive prep school. I wonder if he is a good father. His sons are young. If they rebel and refuse to be Christians, what will he do?</p><p></p><p>I can't say. I don't know him and I guess I never did. It is easy for me to give personality rundowns on my other adult children, but not him. I don't know what makes him tick. If Princess doesn't know, our family will never understand what went wrong there for sure. There was no big fight or one event that we can point to. Nothing so great that it is obvious. He was treated well as a little one a nd my ex thought he hung the moon...no emotional or physical abuse and he had friends and did well in school. No inkling. So it has to be let go. </p><p></p><p>I just assume six years old is often just too old for a kid from another country to be uprooted to people who look and talk differently from him and consider them his new family. I am sure that is a big part of this. </p><p></p><p>At any rate, those are my "Great Thoughts" for the Fourth of July. We are thinking of going to the fireworks after all. We can pretty much walk to a parking lot where you can see them well. We are not ones to want to sit by the river with the crows. Crowds bug me and bugs bug me!!! And the river is swarming w ith both! The bugs are the worst, even with insect repellent. We only went to the big fest on the river once.</p><p></p><p>We're going to invite Sonic, but he was snever a Fourth of July fan. As a young child he was terrified of the loud booms (autism) and I stayed home with him while my husband took Jumper and a few friends to see the fireworks. I was never too sad to stay home and not get bug bitten because even away from the river, well, the misquitoes are nasty here. </p><p></p><p>I am still pumped because I spent so much time with Buddha Baby. She is a miracle; a beautiful child whose parents dote on her...no daycare...so dearly loved and so loving...looking so much like her beautiful mother. I c ould eat her up.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, BBL!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660599, member: 1550"] Back to Goneboy. Princess says she never knew him, an amazing comment as she did so much with him and spent time with him. He was her big brother and she adored him. Bart, not so much. He didn't pay any attention to her and they have had their problems. But Goneboy she worshipped and he took her to parties and affairs and to visit his friends and all of his girlfriends before his current wife tried very hard to get on her good side because he talked well about Princess to the point that the women felt that if she didn't like them, he would dump them. He was and still is a VERY good looking man. I know the stereotypical Asian is seen as not good looking, but that is so untrue. And Goneboy was and is extremely handsome so, shy or not, he had a few girlfriends and they played up to Princess. Goneboy's current wife was very dominant, easy to do to him, and she wanted him to herself. She was not young...mid thirties, but she would plop herself on his lap in front of all of us and I kind of thought it was a bit inappropriate. She would hug him tightly like s he was marking him as hers. Jumper did that with her boyfriends, but she was so young. I just...I don't know. It was odd to do that in front of your future mother-in-law unless you didn't care about the impression you made. I barely knew her. He shortly thereafter asked Princess to give back the emergency key she had had to his house and talked about how things were going to change because he was getting married a nd the bible says the wife comes first. No way to argue that. It was fine. It was planning for the wedding where things got a bit touchy and he was pulling back in leaps and bounds. Exactly why or who initiated it, him or her? Nobody knows, not Princess for sure. She would call me and cry because Goneboy wouldn't talk to her when she called. That started it. But mistakes were made on my part here. I am not sure it could have gone any differently, but we were all so puzzled that it didn't go differently as we tried to find out what was wrong and he did not want to talk to us about it or anything. After the wedding, that was it. He didn't even talk to ex for three years. We don't know why. And ex doesn't k now why they started talking to him again, although it is on a limited basis and on his terms only. Maybe it is because they go to the same church and church is extremely important to Goneboy. But that is just a guess. Nobody will ever know. Nobody ever knew him. Princess says the young boy with the friendly smile who charmed everyone was not who he is/was. But she doesn't know who he is/was. I asked her if they ever talked about the family. She replied that he only talked about his interests and showed her things he did or took her to places where he wanted to go. He never asked about her. He never talked about anyone except himself. I didn't know this until she told me yesterday. She did not say it in a mean way. Nothing she said was spoken in a mean way. "It was just all about him," she said, with a shrug. Attachment problems. He did know about them because we spoke of them and he knew what they were, although he did not share what he thought about that. I do know he wanted to become very wealthy and without him saying a nything about why that was, I know it was to show everyone that he was a worthwhile person, not an orphan. He certainly achieved extreme financial success. He has his own company, a house with underground pool, and his older child is in a very exclusive prep school. I wonder if he is a good father. His sons are young. If they rebel and refuse to be Christians, what will he do? I can't say. I don't know him and I guess I never did. It is easy for me to give personality rundowns on my other adult children, but not him. I don't know what makes him tick. If Princess doesn't know, our family will never understand what went wrong there for sure. There was no big fight or one event that we can point to. Nothing so great that it is obvious. He was treated well as a little one a nd my ex thought he hung the moon...no emotional or physical abuse and he had friends and did well in school. No inkling. So it has to be let go. I just assume six years old is often just too old for a kid from another country to be uprooted to people who look and talk differently from him and consider them his new family. I am sure that is a big part of this. At any rate, those are my "Great Thoughts" for the Fourth of July. We are thinking of going to the fireworks after all. We can pretty much walk to a parking lot where you can see them well. We are not ones to want to sit by the river with the crows. Crowds bug me and bugs bug me!!! And the river is swarming w ith both! The bugs are the worst, even with insect repellent. We only went to the big fest on the river once. We're going to invite Sonic, but he was snever a Fourth of July fan. As a young child he was terrified of the loud booms (autism) and I stayed home with him while my husband took Jumper and a few friends to see the fireworks. I was never too sad to stay home and not get bug bitten because even away from the river, well, the misquitoes are nasty here. I am still pumped because I spent so much time with Buddha Baby. She is a miracle; a beautiful child whose parents dote on her...no daycare...so dearly loved and so loving...looking so much like her beautiful mother. I c ould eat her up. Anyhow, BBL!!!! [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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