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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660606" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with everything you said. Appearnces were EVERYTHING to him. Money, power, prestige...absolutely. I don't know his core self and I think he knows it better now, but did not know it for a long time. And it may be under developed since he did spent six years in an orphanage a nd that is nowhere for any child to spend six years. Your son was much younger than Goneboy when you got him and that does matter. He got out sooner. I believe you two bonded. Goneboy and most of the kids from Goneboy's country were at least six and some were ten and one was fifteen. It is hard to bond at that age.</p><p></p><p>More than anything, I think you hit the nail on t he head with Goneboy and Princess. They were nothing alike personally. They had little in common other than both were smart. But they displayed it in different ways. But Princess was extremely pretty. Boys really liked her. I'm sure his friends commented. I wonder if he rejected her because she was not willing to be his wife and he'd found somebody who was also very pretty and willing to be his wife. Because, in my heart, I think he meant what he said to Princess. And it probably would have been legal. I don't know about that though. Glad I didn't have to find out.</p><p></p><p>The church bit is different though. Yes, Goneboy liked appearances and looking good, but he truly is extremely extremely extremely religious. He belonged to that group that met in a stadium...forgot what they called themselves. All men. He believes the man rules. No divorce. No sex before marriage. Trust me, he claimed to be a virgin before marriage and she did too and I believe both, although both could be lying. I don't think so. Once Goneboy got into the Bible he was a walking Evangelist and tried to convert everyone, including me. And to him, a Catholic, a Lutheran, anyone with a denomination is NOT a christian. I'm not sure I get that, but I think it's because they don't follow the bible closely enough and do unnecessary rituals, in his opinion. He was quite devout...which means he was quite inflexible and closeminded. You can't believe the bible word-for-word and have an open mind about anything. He had a big fight with Princess when she was living with him and dating her SO. He yelled at both of them, because they were doing the deed (he didn't catch them, but he knew they were, "You think you know what love is, but you're just screwing each other! That''s not love! That's wrong." He called them both nasty names and Princess left with her SO. Although Goneboy claimed they'd break up, well, it's been eleven years. They've had ups and downs, but they're together and SO is proving to be a great father and both have grown up so much.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, that's how Goneboy thinks. You can't have sex before marriage so you most certainly can't live with somebody before marriage. And that's very strict thinking, even for a christian.If, say, you claimed to be a Christian but were living with your lover, he would tell you that you are sinning and are not a true Christian (sigh). He teaches classes at his church.</p><p></p><p>One more note that really made me think Goneboy was right when he said "I'm not really nice" is that my father had been not feeling well and he really cared about Goneboy. I told my ex to have Goneboy call his grandfather. My father had NOTHING to do with his wedding or anything that he was upset about, but ex did talk to Goneboy and even reminding Goneboy that he was old and who knows how long he'd live, Goneboy never called him. Hasn't ever called him.</p><p></p><p>Maybe he has put his entire life behind him to be Chinese? He has dropped most of his Caucasian and black friends and most are Chinese. He has visisted both China and Hong Kong more than once and has seen the orphanage he lived in, which I hope was healing.</p><p></p><p>Copa, most of this is just speculation. This was somebody who was very inward. His behavior was stellar. He did not disrespect anybody. He did the right thing. Then perhaps he got tired of being so good. It doesn't make sense because that coincided with his launch into extreme christianity. However...he also has said that his family is that of Believers and that his father is Jesus. So it is impossible to know what drives him. At this point in my life, I am happy and contented and have been Oblivion with "them" for a long time so I'm doing really well. I am very happy with my husband and my four loving children and my grands and, of course, my doggies <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I don't know how Goneboy would fit into our lives if he came back. Everyone has pretty much written him off. I don't expect him back and really don't know what would happen if he came back. I don't know him. I never did. I wish I had. I loved him with all my heart. I still love him. But I don't know him.</p><p></p><p>Make sense?</p><p></p><p>I think I'll skip the fireworks. I'm so tired I sense an early night in mly own bed. I'm always happy to get home to my own place after I've been gone, no matter how short a time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660606, member: 1550"] I agree with everything you said. Appearnces were EVERYTHING to him. Money, power, prestige...absolutely. I don't know his core self and I think he knows it better now, but did not know it for a long time. And it may be under developed since he did spent six years in an orphanage a nd that is nowhere for any child to spend six years. Your son was much younger than Goneboy when you got him and that does matter. He got out sooner. I believe you two bonded. Goneboy and most of the kids from Goneboy's country were at least six and some were ten and one was fifteen. It is hard to bond at that age. More than anything, I think you hit the nail on t he head with Goneboy and Princess. They were nothing alike personally. They had little in common other than both were smart. But they displayed it in different ways. But Princess was extremely pretty. Boys really liked her. I'm sure his friends commented. I wonder if he rejected her because she was not willing to be his wife and he'd found somebody who was also very pretty and willing to be his wife. Because, in my heart, I think he meant what he said to Princess. And it probably would have been legal. I don't know about that though. Glad I didn't have to find out. The church bit is different though. Yes, Goneboy liked appearances and looking good, but he truly is extremely extremely extremely religious. He belonged to that group that met in a stadium...forgot what they called themselves. All men. He believes the man rules. No divorce. No sex before marriage. Trust me, he claimed to be a virgin before marriage and she did too and I believe both, although both could be lying. I don't think so. Once Goneboy got into the Bible he was a walking Evangelist and tried to convert everyone, including me. And to him, a Catholic, a Lutheran, anyone with a denomination is NOT a christian. I'm not sure I get that, but I think it's because they don't follow the bible closely enough and do unnecessary rituals, in his opinion. He was quite devout...which means he was quite inflexible and closeminded. You can't believe the bible word-for-word and have an open mind about anything. He had a big fight with Princess when she was living with him and dating her SO. He yelled at both of them, because they were doing the deed (he didn't catch them, but he knew they were, "You think you know what love is, but you're just screwing each other! That''s not love! That's wrong." He called them both nasty names and Princess left with her SO. Although Goneboy claimed they'd break up, well, it's been eleven years. They've had ups and downs, but they're together and SO is proving to be a great father and both have grown up so much. At any rate, that's how Goneboy thinks. You can't have sex before marriage so you most certainly can't live with somebody before marriage. And that's very strict thinking, even for a christian.If, say, you claimed to be a Christian but were living with your lover, he would tell you that you are sinning and are not a true Christian (sigh). He teaches classes at his church. One more note that really made me think Goneboy was right when he said "I'm not really nice" is that my father had been not feeling well and he really cared about Goneboy. I told my ex to have Goneboy call his grandfather. My father had NOTHING to do with his wedding or anything that he was upset about, but ex did talk to Goneboy and even reminding Goneboy that he was old and who knows how long he'd live, Goneboy never called him. Hasn't ever called him. Maybe he has put his entire life behind him to be Chinese? He has dropped most of his Caucasian and black friends and most are Chinese. He has visisted both China and Hong Kong more than once and has seen the orphanage he lived in, which I hope was healing. Copa, most of this is just speculation. This was somebody who was very inward. His behavior was stellar. He did not disrespect anybody. He did the right thing. Then perhaps he got tired of being so good. It doesn't make sense because that coincided with his launch into extreme christianity. However...he also has said that his family is that of Believers and that his father is Jesus. So it is impossible to know what drives him. At this point in my life, I am happy and contented and have been Oblivion with "them" for a long time so I'm doing really well. I am very happy with my husband and my four loving children and my grands and, of course, my doggies ;) I don't know how Goneboy would fit into our lives if he came back. Everyone has pretty much written him off. I don't expect him back and really don't know what would happen if he came back. I don't know him. I never did. I wish I had. I loved him with all my heart. I still love him. But I don't know him. Make sense? I think I'll skip the fireworks. I'm so tired I sense an early night in mly own bed. I'm always happy to get home to my own place after I've been gone, no matter how short a time. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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