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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660621" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>SWOT, I just read your post again and I had missed the first time the import of this comment.</p><p></p><p>Of course this is it. He rejected her absolutely because she refused him. That explains his extreme and inappropriate judgment of her with her SO. He has to reject her because he cannot tolerate his feelings that probably run the gamut: rage, desire, and shame.</p><p>I do too. He would have acted on it if she had allowed it. Thank G-d she did not not. He was very wrong. If he had feelings for her he should have first spoken to you or his father. It could have been a horrible disaster. I think it was a betrayal of the family. Even in this he chose for himself to the exclusion of everybody else. And he maintained this attitude and ran with it.</p><p></p><p>Still, you did a good, good job with him. He is extremely successful. He has met his goals such as they are. He got the kind of life that he thinks he needs and is maintaining it. In my extended family I am not the only adult child that chose to live apart. I have a cousin too, who separated completely from his foo for 40 or 50 years. Nobody knew where he was, even if he was alive.</p><p></p><p>If I may ask how old were they both at this time, Princess and Goneby, when he declared himself?</p><p></p><p>Goneboy sounds like a one trick pony. He may lack the capacity to have divided loyalties, to manage feelings about both his nuclear family and his family with you, at the same time. He compartmentalizes. One at a time. That is his limit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660621, member: 18958"] SWOT, I just read your post again and I had missed the first time the import of this comment. Of course this is it. He rejected her absolutely because she refused him. That explains his extreme and inappropriate judgment of her with her SO. He has to reject her because he cannot tolerate his feelings that probably run the gamut: rage, desire, and shame. I do too. He would have acted on it if she had allowed it. Thank G-d she did not not. He was very wrong. If he had feelings for her he should have first spoken to you or his father. It could have been a horrible disaster. I think it was a betrayal of the family. Even in this he chose for himself to the exclusion of everybody else. And he maintained this attitude and ran with it. Still, you did a good, good job with him. He is extremely successful. He has met his goals such as they are. He got the kind of life that he thinks he needs and is maintaining it. In my extended family I am not the only adult child that chose to live apart. I have a cousin too, who separated completely from his foo for 40 or 50 years. Nobody knew where he was, even if he was alive. If I may ask how old were they both at this time, Princess and Goneby, when he declared himself? Goneboy sounds like a one trick pony. He may lack the capacity to have divided loyalties, to manage feelings about both his nuclear family and his family with you, at the same time. He compartmentalizes. One at a time. That is his limit. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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