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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660657" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>He was blessed with a really high IQ. That helps. He had no disabilities. His birthmother is a working executive and his bio. siblings are college grads. I believe in DNA. Plus he was driven to show he was more than an orphan. I commend him for that. I do not take the credit.</p><p></p><p>Would we have gone to his place of birth, which, by the way, is not China? YES! I just wanted to stop his tears. He had this obsessive thought that his birthmother had been killed in a car accident and it broke my heart. I was quite willing to put aside the fear of having this chld meet his birthmother to stop his sadness. I loved him dearly. I just wanted him to be happy.</p><p></p><p>I don't think we raised him badly. I think we were a poor match and that overseas social services could have done better. He was treated well, given every c hance in life, and ate and dressed well. Our house was the house on the block that everyone hung around at. Sometimes we had kid's bikes from our walkway halfway down our block. I made our house a fun place to be for all kids and I stayed at home. I drove all the kids to and from practices.</p><p></p><p>Bart enjoyed it a lot more than Goneboy did though, although Goneboy did like it. But Goneboy would play with the kids for a few hours then take off to a friend's house. His friends were mainly sons of doctors, lawyers, business owners, andll computer wizards and he spent as much time with the parents (fathers) as the kids.</p><p></p><p>He did not get into a ny trouble. Trouble was "a waste of time" to him.</p><p></p><p>But he was cold inside, although I think he tried to be different. Princess calls him "robot" claiming he has no emotions and I see that as part of attachment disorder, as did the psychologist who only saw adoptive families. There is no way a six year old adoptee would not have attachment problems unless he was loved for six years and his parents tragically died in a car crash. An orphanage is no place for a child to grow up. They don't get the attention one-on-one that every child needs. They aren't touched enough, held enough, loved enough, given enough attention.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Goneboy did well and I hope that living in his culture and having the respect of others who are high achievers has made him happy. It is not his fault that he did not bond. And I wish him only good things. I would never turn him away...I can't after what happened to me...but I am content without him and used to the way things are now so he needn't come back to make my life complete either.</p><p></p><p>It is interesting that he also is a Hep B carrier. So many are. He is very low level and since he does not drink (against his religion) I'm sure his liver is doing well. He takes care of his health and basically lives a successful upper class suburban life so I don't have to worry about him...I know he's good.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660657, member: 1550"] He was blessed with a really high IQ. That helps. He had no disabilities. His birthmother is a working executive and his bio. siblings are college grads. I believe in DNA. Plus he was driven to show he was more than an orphan. I commend him for that. I do not take the credit. Would we have gone to his place of birth, which, by the way, is not China? YES! I just wanted to stop his tears. He had this obsessive thought that his birthmother had been killed in a car accident and it broke my heart. I was quite willing to put aside the fear of having this chld meet his birthmother to stop his sadness. I loved him dearly. I just wanted him to be happy. I don't think we raised him badly. I think we were a poor match and that overseas social services could have done better. He was treated well, given every c hance in life, and ate and dressed well. Our house was the house on the block that everyone hung around at. Sometimes we had kid's bikes from our walkway halfway down our block. I made our house a fun place to be for all kids and I stayed at home. I drove all the kids to and from practices. Bart enjoyed it a lot more than Goneboy did though, although Goneboy did like it. But Goneboy would play with the kids for a few hours then take off to a friend's house. His friends were mainly sons of doctors, lawyers, business owners, andll computer wizards and he spent as much time with the parents (fathers) as the kids. He did not get into a ny trouble. Trouble was "a waste of time" to him. But he was cold inside, although I think he tried to be different. Princess calls him "robot" claiming he has no emotions and I see that as part of attachment disorder, as did the psychologist who only saw adoptive families. There is no way a six year old adoptee would not have attachment problems unless he was loved for six years and his parents tragically died in a car crash. An orphanage is no place for a child to grow up. They don't get the attention one-on-one that every child needs. They aren't touched enough, held enough, loved enough, given enough attention. Goneboy did well and I hope that living in his culture and having the respect of others who are high achievers has made him happy. It is not his fault that he did not bond. And I wish him only good things. I would never turn him away...I can't after what happened to me...but I am content without him and used to the way things are now so he needn't come back to make my life complete either. It is interesting that he also is a Hep B carrier. So many are. He is very low level and since he does not drink (against his religion) I'm sure his liver is doing well. He takes care of his health and basically lives a successful upper class suburban life so I don't have to worry about him...I know he's good. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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