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General Discussions
Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660701" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I cheated tonight. I looked at the for sale listing of my sister's house, and saw the listing had been removed from the market. My sister is decisive. A good strategist. I am not. She probably got a good price, and is moving on. I am still in bed.</p><p></p><p>Then I googled her picture. For most of her adult life she was obese. She is now within normal weight. Not thin. But OK. Her hair is dyed, styled. She dresses professionally, well. She looks happy. Content. </p><p></p><p>I have not had a haircut in almost 4 years. My hair is grey. I am not obese but I am overweight. I wear the same worn clothes every day. I rarely permit myself to leave the house.</p><p></p><p>What am I aiming for? What is this self punishment about? As Cedar asks, where is the win, in self-defeat? </p><p></p><p>It must have something to do with permitting her to ascend, of holding myself back because my strength or success robs or damages others. There must be some of this.</p><p></p><p>I believe I am closer to understanding. I feel more energy with my son here, despite all of the conflict. I feel more complete. More peace. Less despair. </p><p></p><p>It has to be guilt and the sense of responsibility for others. I am permitting my sister to win, by holding myself back. And I do not know why. Yet.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660701, member: 18958"] I cheated tonight. I looked at the for sale listing of my sister's house, and saw the listing had been removed from the market. My sister is decisive. A good strategist. I am not. She probably got a good price, and is moving on. I am still in bed. Then I googled her picture. For most of her adult life she was obese. She is now within normal weight. Not thin. But OK. Her hair is dyed, styled. She dresses professionally, well. She looks happy. Content. I have not had a haircut in almost 4 years. My hair is grey. I am not obese but I am overweight. I wear the same worn clothes every day. I rarely permit myself to leave the house. What am I aiming for? What is this self punishment about? As Cedar asks, where is the win, in self-defeat? It must have something to do with permitting her to ascend, of holding myself back because my strength or success robs or damages others. There must be some of this. I believe I am closer to understanding. I feel more energy with my son here, despite all of the conflict. I feel more complete. More peace. Less despair. It has to be guilt and the sense of responsibility for others. I am permitting my sister to win, by holding myself back. And I do not know why. Yet. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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