Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660796" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Welcome, Lioness!!! Are all these families in some little cult? They ALL act the same...lol. This "you are dead to me" garbage seems to be a staple in dysfunctional families. It is really too bad it's on both sides for your kids. My mother's insane FOO did it, but my father's never did that. Sadly, my un-mother, as I often think of her, ran our household, although she didn't work or drive or clean up or teach us kids how to behave in the world, and she didn't like my father's family so we never saw them. In fact, as a kid, I believed that they were horrible and that HER family were the good guys. Why not? She was the one who was always there (unfortunately) and he was gone as much as possible and I don't blame him. So she was all we had as far as who to hear from. My father and myself were her scapegoats. </p><p></p><p>I don't speak or want to speak to my ex-brother and ex-sister anymore and I don't even check their FB pages. Fortunately for my own kids, our family was so fractured by t he time they were around that my mother and the rest (all four of them...her, sis, bro and a crazy Uncle) did not see them much or influence them in any way. I feel blessed about that. Although they did know my sister would hang up on me and go no contact for long periods of time, and even call the cops if I called her to find out what she was mad about, they didn't know her. She only interacted with me. So in their minds (and mine) they think she is crazy. I'm sure her kids, who didn't know me, think I'm the crazy one. At any rate, my own family was spared my mother's collection of mean people. </p><p></p><p>It took me until my mother died and disowned/disinherited me for me to face the truth about my FOO. It was done very meanly as I kept trying to make it right with her while we were both in this world and I called her once a month or so. She NEVER called me. Ever. I still felt I had to try. I feel silly t hat I tried. I believe my mother is a borderline too. SOMETHING wasn't right with her. Maybe she's just mean. It happens. However, to be fair about her, she was nice to my brother, her golden child, and later on in my sister's life she was nice to my sister, or so I have been told. I never saw them together. She was pretty not there for my sister when she was a child. </p><p></p><p>Anyhow, I thinks things get better if you can truly detach. I've had a lot of practice...lol. Sister must have cut me off ten times in her l ife so each time practice for the time when I would be ready to be done. I *am* done. In the past, Sister would eventually do me the honors of coming back. She never apologized. She just came back. And I let her because I loved her. Well, this time she will not be allowed back and I no longer feel love for her. She is not the person I thought she was and her morals sock too. As for my brother, I don't care if I ever see him again. I don't hate either. I just want them to stay gone and allow me my little fantasy world with my husband and really neat kids and grands. </p><p></p><p>And I no longer think I'm dirt...as long as I have no contact with my FOO. If I start having any contact with them, including cheating by peeking at t heir FB pages or the forums sister posts on, I start feeling like I felt as a little child all over again---worthless, stupid, lazy and bad. If I don't allow them into my life, even via FB, I like myself. But I can't slip up or I'm right back to where I was when my mother used to mock me, call me names, and tell me I was bad. </p><p></p><p>These days nobody is allowed to abuse me or the person is not allowed into my life. Period.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, you still have your daughter and grands there?? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660796, member: 1550"] Welcome, Lioness!!! Are all these families in some little cult? They ALL act the same...lol. This "you are dead to me" garbage seems to be a staple in dysfunctional families. It is really too bad it's on both sides for your kids. My mother's insane FOO did it, but my father's never did that. Sadly, my un-mother, as I often think of her, ran our household, although she didn't work or drive or clean up or teach us kids how to behave in the world, and she didn't like my father's family so we never saw them. In fact, as a kid, I believed that they were horrible and that HER family were the good guys. Why not? She was the one who was always there (unfortunately) and he was gone as much as possible and I don't blame him. So she was all we had as far as who to hear from. My father and myself were her scapegoats. I don't speak or want to speak to my ex-brother and ex-sister anymore and I don't even check their FB pages. Fortunately for my own kids, our family was so fractured by t he time they were around that my mother and the rest (all four of them...her, sis, bro and a crazy Uncle) did not see them much or influence them in any way. I feel blessed about that. Although they did know my sister would hang up on me and go no contact for long periods of time, and even call the cops if I called her to find out what she was mad about, they didn't know her. She only interacted with me. So in their minds (and mine) they think she is crazy. I'm sure her kids, who didn't know me, think I'm the crazy one. At any rate, my own family was spared my mother's collection of mean people. It took me until my mother died and disowned/disinherited me for me to face the truth about my FOO. It was done very meanly as I kept trying to make it right with her while we were both in this world and I called her once a month or so. She NEVER called me. Ever. I still felt I had to try. I feel silly t hat I tried. I believe my mother is a borderline too. SOMETHING wasn't right with her. Maybe she's just mean. It happens. However, to be fair about her, she was nice to my brother, her golden child, and later on in my sister's life she was nice to my sister, or so I have been told. I never saw them together. She was pretty not there for my sister when she was a child. Anyhow, I thinks things get better if you can truly detach. I've had a lot of practice...lol. Sister must have cut me off ten times in her l ife so each time practice for the time when I would be ready to be done. I *am* done. In the past, Sister would eventually do me the honors of coming back. She never apologized. She just came back. And I let her because I loved her. Well, this time she will not be allowed back and I no longer feel love for her. She is not the person I thought she was and her morals sock too. As for my brother, I don't care if I ever see him again. I don't hate either. I just want them to stay gone and allow me my little fantasy world with my husband and really neat kids and grands. And I no longer think I'm dirt...as long as I have no contact with my FOO. If I start having any contact with them, including cheating by peeking at t heir FB pages or the forums sister posts on, I start feeling like I felt as a little child all over again---worthless, stupid, lazy and bad. If I don't allow them into my life, even via FB, I like myself. But I can't slip up or I'm right back to where I was when my mother used to mock me, call me names, and tell me I was bad. These days nobody is allowed to abuse me or the person is not allowed into my life. Period. Cedar, you still have your daughter and grands there?? :) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
Top