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General Discussions
Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 660950" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Copa, when our kids were young and troubled, I became vulnerable. Because my kids were in pain and we were in pain and I couldn't change anything, I lost my sense of efficacy. I think what happened next is that I lost ~ I don't know. A kind of legitimacy Copa. Some internal something that had made me strong enough to mount and believe in myself and to disregard my family of origin ~ to not take them seriously in any meaningful sense. I could see them without feeling vulnerable to their judgments, or to anything about them, because my life was going well. I had the childhood I had, but believed myself to have moved beyond it and rarely thought of it at all. Over the years when I lost faith in myself as the family D H and I had created fell apart like it did, I lost that sense of efficacy, that sense that I had made it and that though my family of origin was a mess, there was no reason to condemn or fear or even, to judge them.</p><p></p><p>That has all changed.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how to describe it. It has to do with seeing a child in pain and blaming myself. (I just went through this yesterday morning with our daughter, Copa. It is a new thing, to think like this ~ to see the genesis of a kind of breakdown, maybe.) It has to do with not being able to stand above my rotten family of origin and declare myself free. I was able to do that, for awhile there. When the kids fell, I lost that legitimacy.</p><p> </p><p>I wonder whether this kind of thinking is happening for you regarding your sister too, Copa?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Everyone is waking up. (At my house, I mean.)</p><p></p><p>Daughter seems very well this morning.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 660950, member: 17461"] Copa, when our kids were young and troubled, I became vulnerable. Because my kids were in pain and we were in pain and I couldn't change anything, I lost my sense of efficacy. I think what happened next is that I lost ~ I don't know. A kind of legitimacy Copa. Some internal something that had made me strong enough to mount and believe in myself and to disregard my family of origin ~ to not take them seriously in any meaningful sense. I could see them without feeling vulnerable to their judgments, or to anything about them, because my life was going well. I had the childhood I had, but believed myself to have moved beyond it and rarely thought of it at all. Over the years when I lost faith in myself as the family D H and I had created fell apart like it did, I lost that sense of efficacy, that sense that I had made it and that though my family of origin was a mess, there was no reason to condemn or fear or even, to judge them. That has all changed. I don't know how to describe it. It has to do with seeing a child in pain and blaming myself. (I just went through this yesterday morning with our daughter, Copa. It is a new thing, to think like this ~ to see the genesis of a kind of breakdown, maybe.) It has to do with not being able to stand above my rotten family of origin and declare myself free. I was able to do that, for awhile there. When the kids fell, I lost that legitimacy. I wonder whether this kind of thinking is happening for you regarding your sister too, Copa? Everyone is waking up. (At my house, I mean.) Daughter seems very well this morning. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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