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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 661090" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I really like the clarity of this SWOT, and the reality it presents. </p><p></p><p>Me centric reality; not what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this reality, and not how-can-I-welcome-myself-and-those-I-love-into-the-reality-I-want-for-all-of-us reality. There are people who treat us badly because that is what they want to do. It isn't that they don't know any better. It isn't that they don't mean to do what they do.</p><p></p><p>We do not control anything about what they do or how they think.</p><p></p><p>But we do control whether we are going to play "Remnants of Toxic Family" with them. Family Freud, right, SWOT? That is the only game they want to play. They will play it whether we watch or not. Lowest common denominator, and mob rule wins out.</p><p></p><p>I am happy I see it this way now.</p><p></p><p>Daughter visited with the family of the young woman born with spina bifida the day after the 4th of July. It was a great visit. The topic of conversation was my mother and my sister and what these past years have been like for that family.</p><p></p><p>So much needless, useless, pointless pain.</p><p></p><p>roar</p><p></p><p>My mother and my sister disgust me.</p><p></p><p>Like it always is even when I am talking about myself in the present or myself in my childhood, I do not understand how they can view what they are doing as a win. What could their motivations possibly be?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me, too.</p><p></p><p>Which makes me quite wonderful. To believe in the good in them when this is what they wanted all along, I mean.</p><p></p><p>And which makes each of them something very much less than wonderful.</p><p></p><p>No wonder we refused to believe they could be doing what it looked like they were doing. No wonder we concluded they didn't know any better or that there was something we were missing, some magic key that would have us all coming through this successfully.</p><p></p><p>Their mindsets must be so different as to be utterly alien to us.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking alot about vulnerability created around the issues of what happened to all of us when my kids did what they did. I have been thinking about being so desperate to know where I had gone wrong or how to address it that I talked honestly to my sister or my mother about how scared I was, about how confused I was.</p><p></p><p>And I have been thinking about the eye rolling, and the contempt smile, and that sense of their ascendance that seemed to roll off them because I was so vulnerable.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 661090, member: 17461"] I really like the clarity of this SWOT, and the reality it presents. Me centric reality; not what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this reality, and not how-can-I-welcome-myself-and-those-I-love-into-the-reality-I-want-for-all-of-us reality. There are people who treat us badly because that is what they want to do. It isn't that they don't know any better. It isn't that they don't mean to do what they do. We do not control anything about what they do or how they think. But we do control whether we are going to play "Remnants of Toxic Family" with them. Family Freud, right, SWOT? That is the only game they want to play. They will play it whether we watch or not. Lowest common denominator, and mob rule wins out. I am happy I see it this way now. Daughter visited with the family of the young woman born with spina bifida the day after the 4th of July. It was a great visit. The topic of conversation was my mother and my sister and what these past years have been like for that family. So much needless, useless, pointless pain. roar My mother and my sister disgust me. Like it always is even when I am talking about myself in the present or myself in my childhood, I do not understand how they can view what they are doing as a win. What could their motivations possibly be? Me, too. Which makes me quite wonderful. To believe in the good in them when this is what they wanted all along, I mean. And which makes each of them something very much less than wonderful. No wonder we refused to believe they could be doing what it looked like they were doing. No wonder we concluded they didn't know any better or that there was something we were missing, some magic key that would have us all coming through this successfully. Their mindsets must be so different as to be utterly alien to us. Cedar I have been thinking alot about vulnerability created around the issues of what happened to all of us when my kids did what they did. I have been thinking about being so desperate to know where I had gone wrong or how to address it that I talked honestly to my sister or my mother about how scared I was, about how confused I was. And I have been thinking about the eye rolling, and the contempt smile, and that sense of their ascendance that seemed to roll off them because I was so vulnerable. Isn't that something. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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