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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 661177" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am actually doing MUCH better. </p><p></p><p>Without "them" I don't hear the voices telling me I'm worthless. It's miracuous and proof that it IS them. They are lethal to me. </p><p></p><p>I'm going off topic a little to bring up a few rather incredulous and crazy controlling that my mother did to me as a kid.Whether she continued it with my sister, who is seven years my junior, I either don't remember or don't know. But she did control me and, in the process, made dang sure that the teasing and bullying I got continued. I WAS different anyway, but she went out of her way to make me MORE different. Sadiam? Stupidity? No excuse for either.</p><p></p><p>1. She sewed my clothes. Nothing wrong with that, I guess, she sewed well. The only thing is, she didn't like the styles so she deliberately sewed me clothing that made me stand out as an outsider and I got teased for my clothes. She refused to sew me trendy clothes as she said they were "cheap" and other things. She made them way too long when girls were wearing mini-skirts and they were styles all her own.</p><p></p><p>2. I was not allowed to own a Barbie doll. Why? Mother thought they were ugly and made fun of theml, mocking them in her way. I LOVED DOLLS. I had a bunch and put them to sleep each night,k even up to twelve years old. But I could only have dolls my mother approved of. And that meant she never liked the ones I wanted the very, very most.</p><p></p><p>Remember when Chatty Cathy came out? Everyone had her. Even her very few friend's kids. But I couldn't. Because Chatty Cathy was ugly and a dumb idea. Eventaully, years later, I did get a Chatty Cathy, but I didn't get to pick it out and it looked different from my few friend's Chatty Cathy's and in child world it matters. </p><p></p><p>3. I fell in love with something called a Thumbalena doll. It was not trendy. She had a thing against trendy. I was supposed to be "different." (And, boy was she ever successful there and did the bullies at school let me know!). But Thumbalena was just a soft, cuddly baby doll with hands and legs and a head that was not stiff. I had to hold the head like a real baby. I always loved REAL babies too, by the way. Not sure why. Certainly did not inherit THAT from mother. </p><p></p><p>She did not allow me to buy a Thumbalena. "It's uglly." Then she would do her Thumbalena imitation, lolling her had and arms and laughing at me, as she often did. I don't know if she eventually let me have one, but I think I wanted a Thumbalena more than any toy on earth and I couldn't have one the easy way because Mother didn't think it was a cute doll.</p><p></p><p>My toys were contingent upon Mother's liking them. It had nothing to do with thinking they were bad for me. She didn't CARE what was bad for me. They had to do with what SHE liked. Even now, at my age, this makes no sense whatsoever. </p><p></p><p>I was a junior in high school before I wore clothes the other kids wore. And I did consider myself unique and do to this day. I never wanted to be "Just like everyone else" although what business was it of hers if I did? I just wanted to have a Barbie so I could fit in and a Chatty Cathy because I liked them and wanted to fit in and a Thumbalena because they reminded me of the real babies I used to coo over in the nighborhood. </p><p></p><p>What do you feel she got out of that? What was the win? </p><p></p><p>I forgot about that horrendous bit of my childhood...the having to be diffrerent when I already was...which lead to more bullying and teasing from my peers and sadness when she got me presents SHE liked rather than that I liked.k I look back and remember trying hard to get the presents for holidays that my kids WANTED a nd whether I liked them or not was not the issue. </p><p></p><p>And I certainly made sure my kids dressed trendy. Getting bullied is no fun. That is part of my complex post traumatic stress syndrome. When I first had to go to school with Bart I would have panic attacks just stepping inside a school. I really never did get comfortable going to school in my children's elementary school years. I'd be thrown back to the past and the bullying, which even included some physical violence, and my mother not doing squat about it, although I told her. </p><p></p><p>She sure fought for Golden Boy when he got beaten up. </p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>I am getting so much stronger by not acknowledging the existence of "sthem" that eery day has been a good day here for a very long time. I hope both of you (and anyone) can try what I did to see if it works. If it doesn't work to do an Operation Oblivion, you can always take it back. Nothing is irrevocable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 661177, member: 1550"] I am actually doing MUCH better. Without "them" I don't hear the voices telling me I'm worthless. It's miracuous and proof that it IS them. They are lethal to me. I'm going off topic a little to bring up a few rather incredulous and crazy controlling that my mother did to me as a kid.Whether she continued it with my sister, who is seven years my junior, I either don't remember or don't know. But she did control me and, in the process, made dang sure that the teasing and bullying I got continued. I WAS different anyway, but she went out of her way to make me MORE different. Sadiam? Stupidity? No excuse for either. 1. She sewed my clothes. Nothing wrong with that, I guess, she sewed well. The only thing is, she didn't like the styles so she deliberately sewed me clothing that made me stand out as an outsider and I got teased for my clothes. She refused to sew me trendy clothes as she said they were "cheap" and other things. She made them way too long when girls were wearing mini-skirts and they were styles all her own. 2. I was not allowed to own a Barbie doll. Why? Mother thought they were ugly and made fun of theml, mocking them in her way. I LOVED DOLLS. I had a bunch and put them to sleep each night,k even up to twelve years old. But I could only have dolls my mother approved of. And that meant she never liked the ones I wanted the very, very most. Remember when Chatty Cathy came out? Everyone had her. Even her very few friend's kids. But I couldn't. Because Chatty Cathy was ugly and a dumb idea. Eventaully, years later, I did get a Chatty Cathy, but I didn't get to pick it out and it looked different from my few friend's Chatty Cathy's and in child world it matters. 3. I fell in love with something called a Thumbalena doll. It was not trendy. She had a thing against trendy. I was supposed to be "different." (And, boy was she ever successful there and did the bullies at school let me know!). But Thumbalena was just a soft, cuddly baby doll with hands and legs and a head that was not stiff. I had to hold the head like a real baby. I always loved REAL babies too, by the way. Not sure why. Certainly did not inherit THAT from mother. She did not allow me to buy a Thumbalena. "It's uglly." Then she would do her Thumbalena imitation, lolling her had and arms and laughing at me, as she often did. I don't know if she eventually let me have one, but I think I wanted a Thumbalena more than any toy on earth and I couldn't have one the easy way because Mother didn't think it was a cute doll. My toys were contingent upon Mother's liking them. It had nothing to do with thinking they were bad for me. She didn't CARE what was bad for me. They had to do with what SHE liked. Even now, at my age, this makes no sense whatsoever. I was a junior in high school before I wore clothes the other kids wore. And I did consider myself unique and do to this day. I never wanted to be "Just like everyone else" although what business was it of hers if I did? I just wanted to have a Barbie so I could fit in and a Chatty Cathy because I liked them and wanted to fit in and a Thumbalena because they reminded me of the real babies I used to coo over in the nighborhood. What do you feel she got out of that? What was the win? I forgot about that horrendous bit of my childhood...the having to be diffrerent when I already was...which lead to more bullying and teasing from my peers and sadness when she got me presents SHE liked rather than that I liked.k I look back and remember trying hard to get the presents for holidays that my kids WANTED a nd whether I liked them or not was not the issue. And I certainly made sure my kids dressed trendy. Getting bullied is no fun. That is part of my complex post traumatic stress syndrome. When I first had to go to school with Bart I would have panic attacks just stepping inside a school. I really never did get comfortable going to school in my children's elementary school years. I'd be thrown back to the past and the bullying, which even included some physical violence, and my mother not doing squat about it, although I told her. She sure fought for Golden Boy when he got beaten up. Just my thoughts. I am getting so much stronger by not acknowledging the existence of "sthem" that eery day has been a good day here for a very long time. I hope both of you (and anyone) can try what I did to see if it works. If it doesn't work to do an Operation Oblivion, you can always take it back. Nothing is irrevocable. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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