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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661180" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>SWOT, I had the impulse today to check on my sister's house. I thought about you. Don't Cheat. And I didn't.</p><p>A seamstress by training, my grandma sewed our clothes. They were identifiably home made because they were so good, french seams, made of flour sacks from my father's donut shop and perhaps 50 years behind the times.</p><p></p><p>But they were made with love. She made my doll clothes too. I have one little doll shirt still.</p><p></p><p>But to deliberately craft your child's clothing so as to stigmatize them with their peers seems sadistic. SWOT it seems as if your mother labored to impose her sick control over you. I am sorry SWOT that happened to you. Despite her sickness and cruelty you have lived a victorious and highly meaningful life, <em>I think.</em></p><p>Me too, SWOT. And paper dolls even more.</p><p>How cruel SWOT, as if a grown, adult woman would have better things to do than to mock her own child, and to control and mock their desire for toys. As if she was trying to humiliate you any way she could, by making fun of the few little desires you had? How low can one stoop?</p><p>SWOT we may never understand why she did it. It was sick. She was sick. The only thing I can think is that she hated herself. She must have suffered horrible humiliation as a child, which she felt she deserved. She used you SWOT, as a way to suffer less. If she got you to suffer, she suffered less. Sick.</p><p></p><p>Because you looked like her, and perhaps shared some of her vulnerabilities, she transferred some but not all of her self-hatred on to you. She did not hate you. It was herself that she hated. She came to believe that it was you that had the attributes she disliked in herself.</p><p></p><p>SWOT these are horrors, you describe. You deserved to be cherished. These traumas revisited and honored, kissed and left behind, as your mother's pathology, not your own.</p><p></p><p>I know that trauma can be so horrible that it is never left behind. Like concentration camp survivors. Their children come to bear the pain almost as strongly as did their parents. But some break the chain. And soar. In so many ways you have. I hope for us that we can honor the pain once we recognize it and leave it behind.</p><p>SWOT, we will work on ditching the shame. She dumped her toxins into you. They are not yours to own. Nothing in the world to do with you exist you got dumped on.</p><p></p><p>She had no boundaries at all SWOT. All of you kids existed only as extensions of herself, it seems. Could it be that she knew know other way to be a mother?</p><p></p><p>I am own my way to my own wonderful life. I even combed most of the knots out of my hair today, and may not even cut it. I looked pretty with silver mink hair in a pony tail down my back, a tiny bit of makeup. I love my wrinkles, mainly two lines on each side of my chin. The same as my Mother had. My skin is good. I have lost 15 pounds, 4 lbs last month. It is still slow but I have stepped it up. Already I look better, if I may say so myself. I feel like I have myself back. Almost back.My hair when I was young was a golden red chestnut color, with copper. As I aged I lost all of the warm tones. But I was wrong, Cedar it is not dull ugly gray iron gray today. It is silver mink. I will look on google images and try to describe the color better.</p><p></p><p>Today I am going to plan what I will do fun for the first couple of weeks I am in the NEW CITY. Gee I sound Chatty Today.</p><p></p><p>M is in so much pain. Remember he was run over by a car when he was 5. He is doubled up with pain but still had to go and clean the project mid job, because the people want to have a party. And pick up his heavy machinery. I feel so bad for him.</p><p></p><p>And for PASA and her son today. Too much for any one person to deal with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661180, member: 18958"] SWOT, I had the impulse today to check on my sister's house. I thought about you. Don't Cheat. And I didn't. A seamstress by training, my grandma sewed our clothes. They were identifiably home made because they were so good, french seams, made of flour sacks from my father's donut shop and perhaps 50 years behind the times. But they were made with love. She made my doll clothes too. I have one little doll shirt still. But to deliberately craft your child's clothing so as to stigmatize them with their peers seems sadistic. SWOT it seems as if your mother labored to impose her sick control over you. I am sorry SWOT that happened to you. Despite her sickness and cruelty you have lived a victorious and highly meaningful life, [I]I think.[/I] Me too, SWOT. And paper dolls even more. How cruel SWOT, as if a grown, adult woman would have better things to do than to mock her own child, and to control and mock their desire for toys. As if she was trying to humiliate you any way she could, by making fun of the few little desires you had? How low can one stoop? SWOT we may never understand why she did it. It was sick. She was sick. The only thing I can think is that she hated herself. She must have suffered horrible humiliation as a child, which she felt she deserved. She used you SWOT, as a way to suffer less. If she got you to suffer, she suffered less. Sick. Because you looked like her, and perhaps shared some of her vulnerabilities, she transferred some but not all of her self-hatred on to you. She did not hate you. It was herself that she hated. She came to believe that it was you that had the attributes she disliked in herself. SWOT these are horrors, you describe. You deserved to be cherished. These traumas revisited and honored, kissed and left behind, as your mother's pathology, not your own. I know that trauma can be so horrible that it is never left behind. Like concentration camp survivors. Their children come to bear the pain almost as strongly as did their parents. But some break the chain. And soar. In so many ways you have. I hope for us that we can honor the pain once we recognize it and leave it behind. SWOT, we will work on ditching the shame. She dumped her toxins into you. They are not yours to own. Nothing in the world to do with you exist you got dumped on. She had no boundaries at all SWOT. All of you kids existed only as extensions of herself, it seems. Could it be that she knew know other way to be a mother? I am own my way to my own wonderful life. I even combed most of the knots out of my hair today, and may not even cut it. I looked pretty with silver mink hair in a pony tail down my back, a tiny bit of makeup. I love my wrinkles, mainly two lines on each side of my chin. The same as my Mother had. My skin is good. I have lost 15 pounds, 4 lbs last month. It is still slow but I have stepped it up. Already I look better, if I may say so myself. I feel like I have myself back. Almost back.My hair when I was young was a golden red chestnut color, with copper. As I aged I lost all of the warm tones. But I was wrong, Cedar it is not dull ugly gray iron gray today. It is silver mink. I will look on google images and try to describe the color better. Today I am going to plan what I will do fun for the first couple of weeks I am in the NEW CITY. Gee I sound Chatty Today. M is in so much pain. Remember he was run over by a car when he was 5. He is doubled up with pain but still had to go and clean the project mid job, because the people want to have a party. And pick up his heavy machinery. I feel so bad for him. And for PASA and her son today. Too much for any one person to deal with. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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