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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 661463" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree, but I don't think they acted worse. This is just my own personal take on everything. Nobody has to agree with me as we are all different with different experiences.</p><p></p><p>Your sister's twins were minors and babies so she was responsible 100% for either making them behave in that restaurant or leaving to spare other patrons of the place. Same when they were six. It was inappropriate for your uncle's wife to pinch your son. But she did take responsibility, which probably made him feel better about it. </p><p></p><p>I don't blame any of these siblings in this family for wanting Difficult Child, who is 20 and an adult, OUT of their parents home. I do think youngest was wrong for breaking a promise. I don't know her well enough to know if she is constantly breaking promises. Breaking one promise, with the intention of tough love, hypocritical or not, doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her in my opinion wrong about this one incident. </p><p></p><p>In general, although extended family, this is not their circus, not their monkey. They should again only in my own opinion left it alone and not gotten involved, but loving families try to help and when a disturbed individual is the one they are trying to help it is likely to cause mass chaos and disharmony. Just like our family's of origin, dysfunctional people like to divide and conquer and then get their own feelings hurt while everyone else is hurting more.</p><p></p><p>Reminds me of my divide and conquer sister. SHe disowns brother f irst for being ugly, then grandmother (not sure why), then me and so it goes. Sure, her life is chaos. She's the perpetrator of the chaos so she lives it.</p><p></p><p>When my son was trying to act like a bad a** in his 20's and pretended he might hit me, I never would have let him stay with anybody else in the family, IF I HAD HAD ONE...ha! Just because somebody has not yet hit somebody doesn't mean they won't. They have no business posturing that way if they are not dangerous to others.</p><p></p><p>In short, yes, everyone owns what they do. But chaos seems to follow certain people around. Until my 40's, chaos followed me around because I chose chaos. Once I stopped, then only my FOO, when involved with me (which was not that often) was chaotic in my life. When chaos is your constant companion, then you have a part in it most of the time. It's not Jabber's family in constant chaos. It is Difficult Child. Therefore, although they all own what they do, my guess is that until Difficult Child learns to control himself and make good choices, just like all Difficult Child, he will cause chaos wherever he goes. And his chaos is far worse than any I ever had...it's ok to disagree with me. I like to hear other opinions. This is just how I personally feel. Could be way wrong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 661463, member: 1550"] I agree, but I don't think they acted worse. This is just my own personal take on everything. Nobody has to agree with me as we are all different with different experiences. Your sister's twins were minors and babies so she was responsible 100% for either making them behave in that restaurant or leaving to spare other patrons of the place. Same when they were six. It was inappropriate for your uncle's wife to pinch your son. But she did take responsibility, which probably made him feel better about it. I don't blame any of these siblings in this family for wanting Difficult Child, who is 20 and an adult, OUT of their parents home. I do think youngest was wrong for breaking a promise. I don't know her well enough to know if she is constantly breaking promises. Breaking one promise, with the intention of tough love, hypocritical or not, doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her in my opinion wrong about this one incident. In general, although extended family, this is not their circus, not their monkey. They should again only in my own opinion left it alone and not gotten involved, but loving families try to help and when a disturbed individual is the one they are trying to help it is likely to cause mass chaos and disharmony. Just like our family's of origin, dysfunctional people like to divide and conquer and then get their own feelings hurt while everyone else is hurting more. Reminds me of my divide and conquer sister. SHe disowns brother f irst for being ugly, then grandmother (not sure why), then me and so it goes. Sure, her life is chaos. She's the perpetrator of the chaos so she lives it. When my son was trying to act like a bad a** in his 20's and pretended he might hit me, I never would have let him stay with anybody else in the family, IF I HAD HAD ONE...ha! Just because somebody has not yet hit somebody doesn't mean they won't. They have no business posturing that way if they are not dangerous to others. In short, yes, everyone owns what they do. But chaos seems to follow certain people around. Until my 40's, chaos followed me around because I chose chaos. Once I stopped, then only my FOO, when involved with me (which was not that often) was chaotic in my life. When chaos is your constant companion, then you have a part in it most of the time. It's not Jabber's family in constant chaos. It is Difficult Child. Therefore, although they all own what they do, my guess is that until Difficult Child learns to control himself and make good choices, just like all Difficult Child, he will cause chaos wherever he goes. And his chaos is far worse than any I ever had...it's ok to disagree with me. I like to hear other opinions. This is just how I personally feel. Could be way wrong. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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