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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661490" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It was my sister who apologized to me, that she had gone behind my back and talked about me and my son to my Aunt, taking it upon herself to apologize for my son's behavior and my lack of responsibility for same.</p><p></p><p>I never had a grievance against my Aunt. While I felt that she had no right to pinch him, if she did at all, this transgression was not as bothersome as the response of my sister.</p><p></p><p>That my sister thought it was her appropriate role to make apologies for us. That she felt that she could or should throw my son and I under the bus to people we hardly even knew. Because we embarrassed her.</p><p></p><p>We are her family. Her loyalty should have been to us. My son had done nothing. And she threw us under the bus.</p><p></p><p>To this day I have not gone to see that Aunt and Uncle, after 6 years here in this City. I guess it did hurt me. After all.</p><p></p><p>That we have difficult children should be something that brings out heart in others. Not rejection. Not criticism. Not embarrassment. Especially in our families.</p><p></p><p>We need heart. If other people do not have it for us, is their choice.</p><p></p><p>But I for one will not gang up on myself and my child because others feel the need to reject us, or to scapegoat us, or exclude us, or drop us like hot potatoes.</p><p></p><p>Yes we are messy. Yes we are emotional. Yes we get into difficult situations. We walk planks and do not know how to get back. But I will no longer excuse the bad behavior of others towards us.</p><p></p><p>There were so many ways that the hurt to Lil and Jabber and their Son could have been avoided.</p><p></p><p>Son should not have been in his grandparents' house. Neither Lil or Jabber brought him there. I for one think Jabber should have intervened sooner to remove him. He did not. To me, that was a mistake.</p><p></p><p>Who can fault him? Lil and he hoped beyond hope that their parents' support could help. We were all cheering and clapping, when Grandpa ran the show.</p><p></p><p>Still, the siblings handled it badly. That D C had a fit does not take away the siblings' responsibility to their family. I do not mean take responsibility for SON. I do not mean that he should not have left the house ASAP. I mean act right to Lil and Jabber. To communicate directly to them and not behind their back. To not judge them for things about which they know not one thing. To think about the effects of an action on them, and on SON.</p><p></p><p>To give them heart. That is what I am talking about here. Lil and Jabber deserved heart. Their son did too.</p><p></p><p>It could well be that Lil and Jabber's son has a diagnosis whereby he cannot understand in the same way the rest of us do. And needs help and intervention to do so.</p><p></p><p>It is possible that right now he does not have the tools to control his outbursts. That he has a diagnosis and requires treatment to help him gain this control.</p><p></p><p>It could well be that he is a victim in this. I am not forgiving him or how he acts, if he has full capacity and control. He may not.</p><p></p><p>I hope Lil and Jabber can get him to a Neuropsychologist and Psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. Perhaps the events of these past couple of days will prompt them to do what they can if they can.</p><p></p><p>It has me. Now that my son is back in the BIG CITY in a treatment facility I will see if he is willing to go with me to a Neuropsychologist and Psychiatrist of my choosing, so that we can get some diagnostic clarity.</p><p></p><p>I am no longer ashamed and overwhelmed. None of this my fault. None of this is my son's fault. He was born to drug-addicted parents. He was thrown away like trash by an uncaring system. He was left to die of a mortal illness because to others he was not worth enough even to test as an infant. None of this is his fault. Or mine.</p><p></p><p>None of this is Lil or Jabber's fault. It may be that their son needs help that he has not yet received.</p><p></p><p>Besides M and you guys, few people in our life have given me a hand with my child.</p><p></p><p>We are all entitled to the benefit of doubt, at least. If not more. We do not always receive it.</p><p></p><p>It is not wrong that we expect from our families, understanding and respect, if not heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661490, member: 18958"] It was my sister who apologized to me, that she had gone behind my back and talked about me and my son to my Aunt, taking it upon herself to apologize for my son's behavior and my lack of responsibility for same. I never had a grievance against my Aunt. While I felt that she had no right to pinch him, if she did at all, this transgression was not as bothersome as the response of my sister. That my sister thought it was her appropriate role to make apologies for us. That she felt that she could or should throw my son and I under the bus to people we hardly even knew. Because we embarrassed her. We are her family. Her loyalty should have been to us. My son had done nothing. And she threw us under the bus. To this day I have not gone to see that Aunt and Uncle, after 6 years here in this City. I guess it did hurt me. After all. That we have difficult children should be something that brings out heart in others. Not rejection. Not criticism. Not embarrassment. Especially in our families. We need heart. If other people do not have it for us, is their choice. But I for one will not gang up on myself and my child because others feel the need to reject us, or to scapegoat us, or exclude us, or drop us like hot potatoes. Yes we are messy. Yes we are emotional. Yes we get into difficult situations. We walk planks and do not know how to get back. But I will no longer excuse the bad behavior of others towards us. There were so many ways that the hurt to Lil and Jabber and their Son could have been avoided. Son should not have been in his grandparents' house. Neither Lil or Jabber brought him there. I for one think Jabber should have intervened sooner to remove him. He did not. To me, that was a mistake. Who can fault him? Lil and he hoped beyond hope that their parents' support could help. We were all cheering and clapping, when Grandpa ran the show. Still, the siblings handled it badly. That D C had a fit does not take away the siblings' responsibility to their family. I do not mean take responsibility for SON. I do not mean that he should not have left the house ASAP. I mean act right to Lil and Jabber. To communicate directly to them and not behind their back. To not judge them for things about which they know not one thing. To think about the effects of an action on them, and on SON. To give them heart. That is what I am talking about here. Lil and Jabber deserved heart. Their son did too. It could well be that Lil and Jabber's son has a diagnosis whereby he cannot understand in the same way the rest of us do. And needs help and intervention to do so. It is possible that right now he does not have the tools to control his outbursts. That he has a diagnosis and requires treatment to help him gain this control. It could well be that he is a victim in this. I am not forgiving him or how he acts, if he has full capacity and control. He may not. I hope Lil and Jabber can get him to a Neuropsychologist and Psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis. Perhaps the events of these past couple of days will prompt them to do what they can if they can. It has me. Now that my son is back in the BIG CITY in a treatment facility I will see if he is willing to go with me to a Neuropsychologist and Psychiatrist of my choosing, so that we can get some diagnostic clarity. I am no longer ashamed and overwhelmed. None of this my fault. None of this is my son's fault. He was born to drug-addicted parents. He was thrown away like trash by an uncaring system. He was left to die of a mortal illness because to others he was not worth enough even to test as an infant. None of this is his fault. Or mine. None of this is Lil or Jabber's fault. It may be that their son needs help that he has not yet received. Besides M and you guys, few people in our life have given me a hand with my child. We are all entitled to the benefit of doubt, at least. If not more. We do not always receive it. It is not wrong that we expect from our families, understanding and respect, if not heart. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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