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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 661492" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Totally agree.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, and in a normally loving family, they would all be going out of their ways to help and support you. But we don't have that, do wel? (sigh)</p><p></p><p></p><p>Although it is true (he does have Aspie traits), Copa, so did I. I was basically on my own with my first husband who was NOT nice to me, but I didn't think I deserved him to be nice. I was neurologically atypical and had a rather severe mood disorder. And the only one who could do anything to help me, really, was me. Lil and Jabber are wonderful people and would have given him the moon if he had been willing to cooperate with professionals. It is only himself holding himself back.</p><p></p><p></p><p>He may not. Like IC, I had outbursts too until I got put on the right medication. But again it is up to Difficult Child to find out why he has outbursts so that he can get the help he needs. It was sort of a backwards blessing that my parents didn't care about me or believe there was anything different or wrong with me because I either got help myself or I stayed the way I was. And that wasn't going to happen. I was determined to get good help. And first husband was no support either. I had to find my own resources, then use them. (I am the only one in my FOO to seek help although all of us needed that help).</p><p></p><p></p><p>It's very sad. Goneboy is a Hep B carrier, but low grade. On the other hand, Sonic was born with cocaine in his system, syphillis, and a heart defect. He had emergency surgery as an infant. His birthmother named him then walked out of the hospital AMA. I often feel very blessed that Sonic is such a fantastic young man and think that perhaps his birthmother was damaged but kind. Poverty does bad things to good people when they have no way to eat. I've never walked in the shoes of anyone who grew up in a warzone in Chicago where there are no companies to hire the citizens and no safety for anybody. I know nothing of Sonic's birthfather, but feel the same about him...bad cards dealt him, no job prospects, generational welfare, no companies to hire those who want jobs...Sonic still tried. He never quit trying. He is my hero.</p><p>Not all people with Sonic's challenges, however, can turn out to be like Sonic.Sonic was eager to get help too and complied wholeheartedly with his interventions. Is that maybe the difference? Acceptance of being different and needing help and denial of it? What do you think?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Copa, you are not alone or the only one. I had nobody. I didn't even tell my FOO most of the stuff when it happened because I knew they'd just look down on me more. That's how my FOO is. And they'd have looked down on my kids. Thankfully, right now my kids are really doing well, but there was a time when two were not and I could have used honest sympathy. I did get it from somewhere without judgment...I forgot. How could I? My sister who died of cancer.</p><p></p><p>Things may work out for your son in the end. We do not know the future. People change. Their priorities change. Just keep him close to your heart. He is very attached to you. You will always have his love and it matters a lot to him, I'm sure, to know that no matter what he does to make you not care, you still love him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 661492, member: 1550"] Totally agree. Yes, and in a normally loving family, they would all be going out of their ways to help and support you. But we don't have that, do wel? (sigh) Although it is true (he does have Aspie traits), Copa, so did I. I was basically on my own with my first husband who was NOT nice to me, but I didn't think I deserved him to be nice. I was neurologically atypical and had a rather severe mood disorder. And the only one who could do anything to help me, really, was me. Lil and Jabber are wonderful people and would have given him the moon if he had been willing to cooperate with professionals. It is only himself holding himself back. He may not. Like IC, I had outbursts too until I got put on the right medication. But again it is up to Difficult Child to find out why he has outbursts so that he can get the help he needs. It was sort of a backwards blessing that my parents didn't care about me or believe there was anything different or wrong with me because I either got help myself or I stayed the way I was. And that wasn't going to happen. I was determined to get good help. And first husband was no support either. I had to find my own resources, then use them. (I am the only one in my FOO to seek help although all of us needed that help). It's very sad. Goneboy is a Hep B carrier, but low grade. On the other hand, Sonic was born with cocaine in his system, syphillis, and a heart defect. He had emergency surgery as an infant. His birthmother named him then walked out of the hospital AMA. I often feel very blessed that Sonic is such a fantastic young man and think that perhaps his birthmother was damaged but kind. Poverty does bad things to good people when they have no way to eat. I've never walked in the shoes of anyone who grew up in a warzone in Chicago where there are no companies to hire the citizens and no safety for anybody. I know nothing of Sonic's birthfather, but feel the same about him...bad cards dealt him, no job prospects, generational welfare, no companies to hire those who want jobs...Sonic still tried. He never quit trying. He is my hero. Not all people with Sonic's challenges, however, can turn out to be like Sonic.Sonic was eager to get help too and complied wholeheartedly with his interventions. Is that maybe the difference? Acceptance of being different and needing help and denial of it? What do you think? Copa, you are not alone or the only one. I had nobody. I didn't even tell my FOO most of the stuff when it happened because I knew they'd just look down on me more. That's how my FOO is. And they'd have looked down on my kids. Thankfully, right now my kids are really doing well, but there was a time when two were not and I could have used honest sympathy. I did get it from somewhere without judgment...I forgot. How could I? My sister who died of cancer. Things may work out for your son in the end. We do not know the future. People change. Their priorities change. Just keep him close to your heart. He is very attached to you. You will always have his love and it matters a lot to him, I'm sure, to know that no matter what he does to make you not care, you still love him. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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