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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 661506" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't think it's wrong to help with resources, but he won't use them. I started looking for resources at 18, but didn't use any until 23. It's all about what you do with them when you have them. I also don't think 20 is that young. I look at my Jumper at 19 and s he is a young lady. It depends on the person...whether they want to accept responsibility or not. Sonic is young as far as interests due to his autism, but he is not immature in the way of shirking responsibility. These are just my own ideas. I was married at 20, yet very immature.</p><p></p><p></p><p>LOL, Copa. I was such a chihldish mess in my entire 20s and early 30s that I had NO coping skills. I had no maturity. I had horrendous social skills. I kept losing job after job due to my disability that I knew nothing about. The only thing that made me that different from those young men are that I wanted to get better and I did not have a family to lean on. So I had to do it myself or never move forward and half the time I thought I never would. Do not think that the strength I have gained by so many years of therapy and self-help and existing with limitations are skills I always had. I had to learn to be strong. I was a full blown disaster who managed to try hard enough to become a strong and happy person.</p><p></p><p>I spent TEN WEEKS in a psychiatric hospital when I was 23. They wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't been a trainwreck. Although I went in voluntarily, it was because I was pregnant and suicidally depressed and had been that way since age thirteen (on and off, mostly on) and I needed to find out what was wrong, no matter how ominous, because of the baby. Before that, I was afraid to know. I was afraid they'd tell me I was schizophrenic. I was not just depressed but had depersonalization and derealization two extremely scary symptoms that to this day are the worse feelings I have ever had. It's like feeling dead. Hard to explain. You may want to look it up. This is a less extreme form of dissociation and is caused by anxiety and trauma...</p><p></p><p>They don't let you stay that long in psychiatric wards anymore. Pity they don't let you get well before discharging you. However, when discharged I was doing better on antidepressants, but was still not well. That took at least another two decades with my getting better each year because I wanted a normal life so badly. The only skill I had that anyone else lacks is the will to work toward a recovery. Anyone can do that as it takes no real "skill" at all.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are a wonderful mother because you care about him. Yes, I went it alone and it would have helped to have had love. I would have done worse, say, living at home with enabling parents. That I didn't need. A soft word, encouragement, and some caring once in a while would have given me even more motivation to be my best. All the time I tried to be better I had to hear those words in my head th at said, "You're lazy," "you're stupid," "you're no good", "you're selfish," etc. etc. etc. Your son does not have to live with those words in his head. He hears you telling him that you love him.</p><p></p><p>I don't believe my m other even pretended to love me or ever said those words once I left the house. I don't remember her saying them at all, but I'm sure she must have sometimes. If she did say them, they were lies.</p><p></p><p>You need to do what feels right because THAT takes care of YOUR needs. Your son is precious, but so are you. This is about what BOTH of you need, not just him. Don't do anything that you can't live with. Use your instincts. They are loving. They are kind. They will serve you and your son very well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 661506, member: 1550"] I don't think it's wrong to help with resources, but he won't use them. I started looking for resources at 18, but didn't use any until 23. It's all about what you do with them when you have them. I also don't think 20 is that young. I look at my Jumper at 19 and s he is a young lady. It depends on the person...whether they want to accept responsibility or not. Sonic is young as far as interests due to his autism, but he is not immature in the way of shirking responsibility. These are just my own ideas. I was married at 20, yet very immature. LOL, Copa. I was such a chihldish mess in my entire 20s and early 30s that I had NO coping skills. I had no maturity. I had horrendous social skills. I kept losing job after job due to my disability that I knew nothing about. The only thing that made me that different from those young men are that I wanted to get better and I did not have a family to lean on. So I had to do it myself or never move forward and half the time I thought I never would. Do not think that the strength I have gained by so many years of therapy and self-help and existing with limitations are skills I always had. I had to learn to be strong. I was a full blown disaster who managed to try hard enough to become a strong and happy person. I spent TEN WEEKS in a psychiatric hospital when I was 23. They wouldn't have taken me if I hadn't been a trainwreck. Although I went in voluntarily, it was because I was pregnant and suicidally depressed and had been that way since age thirteen (on and off, mostly on) and I needed to find out what was wrong, no matter how ominous, because of the baby. Before that, I was afraid to know. I was afraid they'd tell me I was schizophrenic. I was not just depressed but had depersonalization and derealization two extremely scary symptoms that to this day are the worse feelings I have ever had. It's like feeling dead. Hard to explain. You may want to look it up. This is a less extreme form of dissociation and is caused by anxiety and trauma... They don't let you stay that long in psychiatric wards anymore. Pity they don't let you get well before discharging you. However, when discharged I was doing better on antidepressants, but was still not well. That took at least another two decades with my getting better each year because I wanted a normal life so badly. The only skill I had that anyone else lacks is the will to work toward a recovery. Anyone can do that as it takes no real "skill" at all. You are a wonderful mother because you care about him. Yes, I went it alone and it would have helped to have had love. I would have done worse, say, living at home with enabling parents. That I didn't need. A soft word, encouragement, and some caring once in a while would have given me even more motivation to be my best. All the time I tried to be better I had to hear those words in my head th at said, "You're lazy," "you're stupid," "you're no good", "you're selfish," etc. etc. etc. Your son does not have to live with those words in his head. He hears you telling him that you love him. I don't believe my m other even pretended to love me or ever said those words once I left the house. I don't remember her saying them at all, but I'm sure she must have sometimes. If she did say them, they were lies. You need to do what feels right because THAT takes care of YOUR needs. Your son is precious, but so are you. This is about what BOTH of you need, not just him. Don't do anything that you can't live with. Use your instincts. They are loving. They are kind. They will serve you and your son very well. [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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