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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 661790" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I was thinking of my sister here, Copa. She spends love like money, "seeding into" relationships with a coldness, a calculation impossible to accept.</p><p></p><p>Seems true, though.</p><p></p><p>I wonder if it could be true that how we see our money is how we love? And my sister could elicit donations from utter strangers on a two hour plane ride.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. Also, the classic pattern of every abusive personality type. Rather than seeing the victim's hurt, devaluing the victim so there is no victim. If there is no victim, there cannot have been an upsetting behavior.</p><p></p><p>I think that for my sister, and for my mother too maybe, there is a effort to change the parameters of what was initially perceived as true. For instance, my sister has a rep as being someone in it for the money, whether we are talking marriage or family or her right to inherit my parents' home and her discussions with them to that effect even when my father was alive. Of course, there is no question now about who will inherit what is left. My sister and her family have picked everything clean. The reasoning is that no one else has trustworthy children to pass anything on to. This could explain my mother's change of heart relative to the grand born with spina bifida. While my father was alive, the Will, so my brother told me, left the house to that grand. If he told me, he is likely to have told my sister. The time frame would be about right, now that I think about it. If my sister had been made aware of what the purported Will is supposed to have said, she would have had enough time by now to work on separating the grand from her grandmother. (And my sister has an inordinate interest in all things having to do with money and inheritance and etc even now, when she has remarried and has enough stuff of her own.)</p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p>I had never thought of that possible angle, before.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>There is an essential difference between myself and my sister. I have always known this. I have not wanted to believe it <em>and questioned my own integrity when confronted with her lack of integrity.</em> My father knew and understood my sister. Could it be that my purpose here is to say what I see once I see it. If I add the events surrounding the betrayal of the grand with spina bifida, if I put that betrayal into a context of time; if I add all these things up ~ the tire rimming machine from my father's garage, the man who wanted to marry my mother, the requirement that sister's grand be the Chosen grand though my brother's grands were the same age and younger....</p><p></p><p>Could it be true that my sister could hold this kind of power?</p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p>And as evil does do, it begins with ridicule proceeding to triangulation and then to outright victimization.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My sister gains entry and trust through claiming to love, and legitimacy for the craziest, cruelest things through claiming to "walk with the Lord".</p><p></p><p>But it's working for her.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>In my family, we may wish for love. It looks like sabotage is irresistible to us. </p><p>Somehow, we all seem to be trapped in that culture of scarcity Brene Brown writes about.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this. This is true.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 661790, member: 17461"] I was thinking of my sister here, Copa. She spends love like money, "seeding into" relationships with a coldness, a calculation impossible to accept. Seems true, though. I wonder if it could be true that how we see our money is how we love? And my sister could elicit donations from utter strangers on a two hour plane ride. Yes. Also, the classic pattern of every abusive personality type. Rather than seeing the victim's hurt, devaluing the victim so there is no victim. If there is no victim, there cannot have been an upsetting behavior. I think that for my sister, and for my mother too maybe, there is a effort to change the parameters of what was initially perceived as true. For instance, my sister has a rep as being someone in it for the money, whether we are talking marriage or family or her right to inherit my parents' home and her discussions with them to that effect even when my father was alive. Of course, there is no question now about who will inherit what is left. My sister and her family have picked everything clean. The reasoning is that no one else has trustworthy children to pass anything on to. This could explain my mother's change of heart relative to the grand born with spina bifida. While my father was alive, the Will, so my brother told me, left the house to that grand. If he told me, he is likely to have told my sister. The time frame would be about right, now that I think about it. If my sister had been made aware of what the purported Will is supposed to have said, she would have had enough time by now to work on separating the grand from her grandmother. (And my sister has an inordinate interest in all things having to do with money and inheritance and etc even now, when she has remarried and has enough stuff of her own.) Isn't that something. I had never thought of that possible angle, before. There is an essential difference between myself and my sister. I have always known this. I have not wanted to believe it [I]and questioned my own integrity when confronted with her lack of integrity.[/I] My father knew and understood my sister. Could it be that my purpose here is to say what I see once I see it. If I add the events surrounding the betrayal of the grand with spina bifida, if I put that betrayal into a context of time; if I add all these things up ~ the tire rimming machine from my father's garage, the man who wanted to marry my mother, the requirement that sister's grand be the Chosen grand though my brother's grands were the same age and younger.... Could it be true that my sister could hold this kind of power? Yes. And as evil does do, it begins with ridicule proceeding to triangulation and then to outright victimization. My sister gains entry and trust through claiming to love, and legitimacy for the craziest, cruelest things through claiming to "walk with the Lord". But it's working for her. In my family, we may wish for love. It looks like sabotage is irresistible to us. Somehow, we all seem to be trapped in that culture of scarcity Brene Brown writes about. I love this. This is true. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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