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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 661910" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Here is what I see in this hurtful thing. The sister, maybe sensing her chance to denigrate both you and M because your strength was squandered in grief over your son, essentially named you impossible to love for yourself. </p><p></p><p>That hit directly the wounds hurt into you when you were a young girl.</p><p></p><p>She is wrong, Copa.</p><p></p><p>She named her own brother that same thing. Is there jealousy for M because he took himself away from that endless circle of viciousness this sister encourages? (I am seeing every sister who is mean in the same way I see my own sister.) But here is the thing: my sister's attack on my D H <em>and on the man who wanted to marry my mother</em> was the same kind of attack. An attack whose essential accusation was that the male would not be there, would not be with you (or me) could never love you for who you are because he does not have the capacity to value you (or me ~ or, in the situation with the Greek Orthodox priest who wanted to marry my mother) and is selling himself for things he could never provide on his own.</p><p></p><p>But that is not true in my D H case.</p><p></p><p>It was not true, in any sense, in the case of the Greek Orthodox priest.</p><p></p><p>It is not true of M. </p><p></p><p>As we all heal, as we all review and examine and understand where these nasty people in our lives are coming from, we will also be addressing the shame in the names we learned at the hands of our initial abusers.</p><p></p><p>Remember how devastated I was over the first therapist? And then, going through it here with all of you, I came to understand that the mechanism there was the hurt of the initial abuse and had so little to do with him, with who he was and the reality of the role he actually played. (As opposed to the judge, jury, and executioner role I believed him to have played.) All of it, the core of it, having to do with things, with terrible things, that happened to me when I was only a trapped, haunted little girl.</p><p></p><p>This can have nothing to do with her, or with anything anyone else thinks, Copa. The wound that requires healing has nothing to do with this time. That sister is functioning as the destructive biatch she has always chosen to be. </p><p></p><p>I cannot come up with an answer as to why they would do that.</p><p></p><p>Probably, something to do with how we taught ourselves to survive our situations when we were little.</p><p></p><p>She can be safely disregarded. She has nothing of value to teach you. We, you and me and SWOT and all of us trying to figure out how those initial woundings affect us in our lives today, need to be wary of predators. They are out there. The why behind what they find appropriate, or behind how they declare a win, will not be something we understand.</p><p></p><p>It just is what it is.</p><p></p><p>But we do have to see, and to believe what we see.</p><p></p><p>When did you stop beating your wife.</p><p></p><p>Accusations impossible to defend against if you are not aware those kinds of accusations are being made. Here is a quote: "Right needs no defense. Just good witness."</p><p></p><p>And that, we are doing very, very well, here on this thread.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I respect your honesty. That cannot have been an easy post to write.</p><p></p><p>Good, good work, Copa.</p><p></p><p>I loved SWOT's comment, that we should love our mates and ourselves and keep going.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>roar</p><p></p><p>Good for us.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Woot!</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/11-24a.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":angel3:" title="angel :angel3:" data-shortname=":angel3:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is beautiful.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We are healing, up. Welcome to the site and to this thread and good for you and good for us. I am glad you are here with us. You fought the good fight and now it is time to heal the wounds and leave it all where it belongs. In the harshness that was the past, for all of us. </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 661910, member: 17461"] Here is what I see in this hurtful thing. The sister, maybe sensing her chance to denigrate both you and M because your strength was squandered in grief over your son, essentially named you impossible to love for yourself. That hit directly the wounds hurt into you when you were a young girl. She is wrong, Copa. She named her own brother that same thing. Is there jealousy for M because he took himself away from that endless circle of viciousness this sister encourages? (I am seeing every sister who is mean in the same way I see my own sister.) But here is the thing: my sister's attack on my D H [I]and on the man who wanted to marry my mother[/I] was the same kind of attack. An attack whose essential accusation was that the male would not be there, would not be with you (or me) could never love you for who you are because he does not have the capacity to value you (or me ~ or, in the situation with the Greek Orthodox priest who wanted to marry my mother) and is selling himself for things he could never provide on his own. But that is not true in my D H case. It was not true, in any sense, in the case of the Greek Orthodox priest. It is not true of M. As we all heal, as we all review and examine and understand where these nasty people in our lives are coming from, we will also be addressing the shame in the names we learned at the hands of our initial abusers. Remember how devastated I was over the first therapist? And then, going through it here with all of you, I came to understand that the mechanism there was the hurt of the initial abuse and had so little to do with him, with who he was and the reality of the role he actually played. (As opposed to the judge, jury, and executioner role I believed him to have played.) All of it, the core of it, having to do with things, with terrible things, that happened to me when I was only a trapped, haunted little girl. This can have nothing to do with her, or with anything anyone else thinks, Copa. The wound that requires healing has nothing to do with this time. That sister is functioning as the destructive biatch she has always chosen to be. I cannot come up with an answer as to why they would do that. Probably, something to do with how we taught ourselves to survive our situations when we were little. She can be safely disregarded. She has nothing of value to teach you. We, you and me and SWOT and all of us trying to figure out how those initial woundings affect us in our lives today, need to be wary of predators. They are out there. The why behind what they find appropriate, or behind how they declare a win, will not be something we understand. It just is what it is. But we do have to see, and to believe what we see. When did you stop beating your wife. Accusations impossible to defend against if you are not aware those kinds of accusations are being made. Here is a quote: "Right needs no defense. Just good witness." And that, we are doing very, very well, here on this thread. Copa, I respect your honesty. That cannot have been an easy post to write. Good, good work, Copa. I loved SWOT's comment, that we should love our mates and ourselves and keep going. :O) roar Good for us. Woot! :angel3: This is beautiful. We are healing, up. Welcome to the site and to this thread and good for you and good for us. I am glad you are here with us. You fought the good fight and now it is time to heal the wounds and leave it all where it belongs. In the harshness that was the past, for all of us. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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