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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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<blockquote data-quote="allusedup" data-source="post: 662422" data-attributes="member: 19029"><p>Good morning everyone! I have a situation I need some major advice on. It is my son of course. But I know at the very heart of what is going on is foo stuff. My son keeps putting himself in abusive relationships because his fsther was abusive to us both. I stayed in in way too long. 20 years for me and my son was almost 13 when I left. I had custody and moved out of my house to put a little distance between us. Father cried and manipulated, bribed and told him I was crazy, that things were not that bad. Until he got him to come back and live with him. I lost is because I knew what he was going back to but in the face of bribing the kid with not only a new dirt bike but one for his dad too (ex's mother bought them of course) the kid didn't stand a chance an there was nothing I could do. To say he was verbally abusive doesn't do justice to the severity of it. My dad was verbally abusive enough to warp my mind growing up. Compared to my ex, my dad was an amateur. It was awful. As my son got older he started to rebel against him and on several occasions would call me to come get him. One time he called me crying saying they had been in a bad one and he had hit an antique hutch I had there and broke his hand to the degree that he had have surgery to fix it. His dad died when he was 20. And it continued until then. Now he seems hell bent on being with women who are also abusive in some way. I made a post under another user name in may (pjw) about this girls child being ODD and possibly autistic. After being around this girl more and more, she clearly shows ALL the earmarks of borderline personality disorder. She has already screwed one of his friends in my sons house while he was out of town working. The house was clean when she moved in. I can't stand to walk in there now. She wanted a puppy and my son finally gave in. Before they got it I told my son "she doesn't even take good care of her son or help take care of the pets you have now, for cryin out loud". I had to go over there yesterday and only meant to stay a minute and the puppy was crying, extremely. She had it in its box locked up in the utility room. I went to see about it because it sounded so distressed and it was hot and out of water and covered up in its own stuff. Of course nothing is her fault. Its her kids fault the house was totalled, the kids fault she wanted the puppy, the friends fault she screwed him, lol. She is the reason her son has such problems. I was talking to my son over the weekend, it was 11am, the kid had been up for hours and her a*s was piled up in the bed asleep. When I was there yesterday she told me the kid had been really bad last week (she has him every other week). Told me he ATE a whole bar of deodorant. Her fault of course but here she is blaming him, a 3y/o. I have told my son you can't possibly have kids with this girl and he wants kids. And they are planning a wedding for cryin out loud. This is not about me and some may say its none of my business but he is my only child and this is a disaster waiting to happen. I will love anyone who loves my son but she is using and abusing him. I have to do something. Right or wrong I can't let this go any longer. I have of course already talked about some of this with my son. He is not aware that I know for sure about her sleeping with the friend. I want to approach it from the foo standpoint but also not sure if my son can handle that. He went through a terrible depression after his dad died and is better but not sure he is ready for that. Please, please give me some feedback/advice. I am at my wits end.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="allusedup, post: 662422, member: 19029"] Good morning everyone! I have a situation I need some major advice on. It is my son of course. But I know at the very heart of what is going on is foo stuff. My son keeps putting himself in abusive relationships because his fsther was abusive to us both. I stayed in in way too long. 20 years for me and my son was almost 13 when I left. I had custody and moved out of my house to put a little distance between us. Father cried and manipulated, bribed and told him I was crazy, that things were not that bad. Until he got him to come back and live with him. I lost is because I knew what he was going back to but in the face of bribing the kid with not only a new dirt bike but one for his dad too (ex's mother bought them of course) the kid didn't stand a chance an there was nothing I could do. To say he was verbally abusive doesn't do justice to the severity of it. My dad was verbally abusive enough to warp my mind growing up. Compared to my ex, my dad was an amateur. It was awful. As my son got older he started to rebel against him and on several occasions would call me to come get him. One time he called me crying saying they had been in a bad one and he had hit an antique hutch I had there and broke his hand to the degree that he had have surgery to fix it. His dad died when he was 20. And it continued until then. Now he seems hell bent on being with women who are also abusive in some way. I made a post under another user name in may (pjw) about this girls child being ODD and possibly autistic. After being around this girl more and more, she clearly shows ALL the earmarks of borderline personality disorder. She has already screwed one of his friends in my sons house while he was out of town working. The house was clean when she moved in. I can't stand to walk in there now. She wanted a puppy and my son finally gave in. Before they got it I told my son "she doesn't even take good care of her son or help take care of the pets you have now, for cryin out loud". I had to go over there yesterday and only meant to stay a minute and the puppy was crying, extremely. She had it in its box locked up in the utility room. I went to see about it because it sounded so distressed and it was hot and out of water and covered up in its own stuff. Of course nothing is her fault. Its her kids fault the house was totalled, the kids fault she wanted the puppy, the friends fault she screwed him, lol. She is the reason her son has such problems. I was talking to my son over the weekend, it was 11am, the kid had been up for hours and her a*s was piled up in the bed asleep. When I was there yesterday she told me the kid had been really bad last week (she has him every other week). Told me he ATE a whole bar of deodorant. Her fault of course but here she is blaming him, a 3y/o. I have told my son you can't possibly have kids with this girl and he wants kids. And they are planning a wedding for cryin out loud. This is not about me and some may say its none of my business but he is my only child and this is a disaster waiting to happen. I will love anyone who loves my son but she is using and abusing him. I have to do something. Right or wrong I can't let this go any longer. I have of course already talked about some of this with my son. He is not aware that I know for sure about her sleeping with the friend. I want to approach it from the foo standpoint but also not sure if my son can handle that. He went through a terrible depression after his dad died and is better but not sure he is ready for that. Please, please give me some feedback/advice. I am at my wits end. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
Hey, Cedar, or anyone interested in FOO (Family of Origin) issues. Cedar, WHY NOW???
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