Hi everyone

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by GuideMe, Aug 6, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Hello Everyone ,

    I am new here and thought I'd say hello. I am warming up to tell my story, don't have the energy just yet, but will get to it soon. Most likely when the next "flare up" occurs and I'm going out of my mind. I see the terms difficult child and husband, what do they mean? Thanks a bunch.
     
  2. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Is there anyone awake by any chance?
     
  3. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

  4. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Hi runawaybunny! Thank you for replying. I simply don't know what to do. I feel like I'm dying slowly from the stress of it all. I love my daughter so much and know she is bipolar but she is taking me down with her. Every time I look away, even for a minute, my phone blows up, and I can't even leave the house. I am so afraid something bad will happen to her if I just let go. She doesn't realize that I am hanging on by a thread, very little money and have my own very major issues. If I go down, we will have nothing and be so much worst off than we are now. I try so hard to communicate this with her, but she refuses to listen or believe me. No one understands that I am barely hanging on. She needs to straighten up now before we are left with nothing and then it really WILL be HARD TIMES.
     
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Ugh, I shouldn't have just dumped that all on you. It just came out of nowhere. I'm sorry.
     
  6. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

  7. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Oh wow, just took a glimpse of that and wow, just wow. I am speechless. Admin, is there a specific forum with parents who deal with anger , violence and abuse from their children? Or maybe you can put me in touch with someone who has been through this? I am searching and searching, but cant seem to find anything and making me feel more alone. I have been being ruled by my daughter for the last 5 years and it's just so much.
     
  8. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

  9. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Ok, thanks I will.
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    WelcomeGuideMe,
    I remember finding this place in the middle of the night years ago (actually it was 10 years ago this month). I have dealt with much anger, abuse, and violence from my son. He is also bipolar among other things. There were years when I didn't think I could make it through another day (this place helped me to survive). I remember feeling like I lived in a battlefield and if you took one wrong step-boom!

    Thankfully we have had an amazing psychiatrist (psychiatrist) and excellent therapists along the way. There were also 6 hospitalizations and many medication trials. For the past four years we have been mainly violence free (there is still anger and abuse but it is a ton better than what I am now referring to as the "dark days").

    Stick around and when you are ready, share your story, you will find great support here.
     
  11. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Welcome! Spend time reading posts. You will find that you are not alone and that we are all in various phases of this journey. Looking forward to reading more of your story.
     
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello and welcome to our little corner of the world!

    It would be helpful of us to know how old your daughter is, how long she has been diagnosed, and what medications and treatments have been tried.

    Listen, you have come to the right place. Many of us stumbled our way on this board in the middle of the night in desperation. We have found a home where we are understand and where we can get advice, comfort and, from time to time, a little laughter.

    Spend some time reading the forums. We look forward to getting to know you.

    Sharon
     
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We need to know more about your journey so far and by the way welcome to our world. Many of us have been there/done that/wear the tee-shirt. Most of us are choosing to learn to detach with love from our sick but abusive loved ones who refuse to get help and are destroying everyone in their path, like a tornado. You may want to read the post on this forum about detachment or buy the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty (great book). Have you gone to any twelve step meetings to find comfort and support with others in your situation?

    This is my opinion. You do not have to support, financially or otherwise, your adult child even if she is a mentally ill drug addict. She has to learn to take care of her own needs and she won't do that until she is so sick of herself that there is no alternative. In fact, the more we take care of our adult children, the younger they seem to get!! I have mental illness and have had it since very young. Among other diagnosis, I've been diagnosed with manic depression (long ago when that term was still in favor), bipolar II, mood disorder not otherwise specified, major depressive disorder, borderline personality traits, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobic traits, etc. etc. etc. I learned to handle my own mental health issues. My parents had no interest in helping me and, although they did not have kind intentions, they actually helped me by not being there. I had no choice but to learn how to handle my own problems on my own and in my own way and today I live a very happy, fruitful and blessed life. Bipolar can be controlled, but only the person who has it can control it by going to all appointments, taking medication as prescribed and abstaining from illegal drug and/or alcohol use because those last two ingredients mess with the useful medication. It renders the doctor's prescriptions pretty worthless. Your daughter needs to decide to get help for both her drug problems and bipolar disorder...SHE has to decide...YOU can't make her do it. And, in my opinion, if my parents had stepped in to hold my hand, I would not have been as proactive about getting help for myself because I'd learn to depend on them. It is easier to let somebody else worry about you than to take care of yourself. But it isn't helpful for the sick person.

    Your life is important. It should not, in my opinion, be spent taking care of an uncooperative and self-destructive adult, no matter what her problems are and no matter who she is in your world of love. You matter too and you deserve a good life full of peace and serenity. I think a good start, if you are interested, is reading "Codependent No More" and going to a Twelve Step Meeting. They will not make you talk. I just listened at first (I have a daughter who abused drugs terribly and have a son who is a functional alcoholic with other issues tacked on). You have no control over anyone except yourself. That includes your adult daughter. I'm sure you've tried talking, begging, crying, paying for her, giving her tons of perks and money, etc. and that hasn't worked.

    "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, even though it isn't working."

    Maybe it is time to try something new, like detaching with love, a nd giving your own life, apart from hers, to flourish. You are not the same person as she and none of us signed up for a lifetime of taking care of our children. They do need to grow up or learn the consequences of not doing so. None of us will be around forever. Most of us have other loved ones who need and want us healthy and happy. These adult kids with drug issues tend to suck all the air out of our world so that we have no time for anything else, even ourselves. And that doesn't help us or them.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
     
  14. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Man, I got so much good advice here. Wow. I thank you all very much. I have to digest all of this.
     
  15. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    I will say GM that this site really helps, I don't feel so alone. I can't talk to any of my friends ( I don't want him labeled , none of us our perfect and all of us have made mistakes ) so I feel very alone concerning my son.

    I would like to say my husband supports me with my son but he came into my sons life when he was 14 yrs.old. and doesn't understand how I feel because not only is he my sons step-dad but soon as I married my husband he has felt he is competition with my son. Anywho... this forum helps me to tell my story, to let all my feelings out. It's really an "Online support group" .

    How old are you and your children? My oldest is 24 and my youngest 2.
     
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